To Hate Body Shape Shaming

[PearShapedDisaster]

As you can probably guess from my user name, I am a pear-shaped woman (shoulders narrower than hips, narrow waist, proportionally bigger hips/thighs/bums.) It is what it is-I’ve gained and lost weight over the years but the basic shape is the same because, genetics. What I hate, and wonder if others can relate, is the incessant pressure from TV, social media etc. to be a specific body shape (especially but not only for women) and the pressure this puts on people and lack of self-esteem. I also think it’s wildly inappropriate for people to make comments on other peoples’ body shape or weight unless they have been asked or are in a very specific role e.g. potentially a medic if this was relevant to medical advice. I’ve had (older) friends and family think it’s acceptable to make negative comments about my body. As I’m older I obviously push back and let them know it’s not ok, but I think this can do so much damage to someone. Obviously pressure on looks is nothing new, but can this stop now please?!

YABU-it’s ok to push body trends snd comments

YANBU?

Haha meant to say bum not bums..,but if I had 2, so what?!

I guess you can ask the whole world to not mention things you find difficult or you can build higher levels of personal resilience.
One is more likely than the other.

Hmmm…I’ve worked on my confidence and am pretty god damn resilient now, I just don’t think it’s a good thing to do to body shame others. I mean, you could take that view with pretty much any topic but I think most people would agree that being deliberately unkind or disrespectful about others isn’t great. Guess you are one of life’s commenters 😂

YANBU. I detest people commenting in any way on my appearance/body. People that do so should be shot.

I actually don’t mind if someone says something nice about my clothing or make-up, as I think that’s meant kindly.

It's not something ive had much experience of, I've rarely had anyone comment on my body

No I’m not a commenter for no reason, but how we all look is a basic differentiator, it’s a factual descriptor. You can’t decide that’s unacceptable to you and ask everyone else to play ball.
“Remind me of so-and-so, what do they look like?”
“She’s tall / short / fat / thin / blonde / brunette / old / young” etc etc.

I know I’m described often enough, it’s just a factual thing, resilience means I don’t worry or get defensive about it.

Ok. Fair enough. That’s not the sort of conversation I was talking about at all. I was talking about societal pressure to look a certain way and people making snarky comments about how others look.

If you’re a woman I think that’s unusual but I’m glad that’s the case.

Agree. I used to read the Sunday Times Style supplement obsessively as a teenager (I was not the target audience, I realise) and it frequently had apologetic references to how dreadfully pear-shaped British women are compared to chic continentals. That lodged itself in my mind and has never left. The same magazine was also very keen on all those shitty phrases for subpar body parts (carrot legs, etc.).

I agree these things can have a lasting impact especially if we hear the same message over and over.

It is shocking to me that body types are described as being in vogue or otherwise. It’s not something any of us can choose and there are attractive people of every flavour.

I think things are better than when most of us were growing up as there are many more body types represented in pop culture which can only be a good thing.

I don't think it'll ever change and social media just gives people more opportunity to make snarky comments about lots of things.

You made one earlier to a PP about them being a 'commenter'.

It's a shame but it's where we are and always have been really, we just have more opportunity now.

Fair enough on the comments. The PP had made a mildly dismissive comment towards me and I replied in the same manner. Perhaps I should have not done that.

On your wider point, I agree it’s probably always been this to an extent, but I think we as a society can do better. Being careful what we say about appearance for example, maybe supporting brands that use a range of models as a PP mentioned.

When did you grow up?

The only size ever represented in the 1980s and 1990s was thin. With gazelle legs. Only in the late 1990s and 2000s did I start to see women with muscly legs like mine. Only more recently have I seen models wearing more than a size ten - and there are still too many extremes and not enough who are a perfectly normal size 12-16.

Who is saying these things to people?! In what contexts?

I often hear women slagging off their own body shapes (which is, frankly, tedious and awkward), but I’ve never heard anyone have a pop at someone else for their figure or proportions or whatever. That is shocking behaviour.

Have you changed your username to post this?
You say body shape shaming is detrimental to self-esteem (well, yeah!) but calling yourself PearShapedDisaster isn't exactly bigging up yourself up and trying to buck the trend. Also why make your shape your literal identity on here?

Yes NC to fit the thread and to mirror comments I’ve received IRL. I don’t refer to myself or others like this otherwise.

Well, if people have called you a 'pear shaped disaster' in real life then it says more about them than you.

There seems to be a lot more 'body positivity' and all that these days, and I certainly never heard the phrase 'fat shaming' in the 80s and 90s.

I find this kind of topic so frustrating.

It is impossible for people to police what other women say about bodies. It has forever been this way.

I have routinely posted on here how I get short shrift for being tall, slim and a B cup in my mid 40s, because I dare to do sport.

The whole “you should try eating a burger” etc, and the comments on everything I eat, wear and do. There’s no question my body shape (think Trinny Woodall or Amal Clooney) is well out of fashion, replaced in a post-Kardashian era of body positivity. And that’s fine.

i am sorry @PearShapedDisaster (!) that you have experienced such comments in your life.

I also wonder if we have completely jumped the shark / lost the plot in this country around everything to do with weight and food.

Are you happy with your weight and fitness? Are you happy with how you can find clothing to suit your shape? If so then everyone else can go to hell. If the answer is “no”, then no amount of trying to move the public dial of opinion in your direction will counteract this.

@SharpOpalNewt i grew up in the 90s. I didn’t compare myself at all to the super skinny shape that was fashionable at the time. Heroin chic look was not really coded for someone like me. I was very sporty and geeky as a girl and from my genetics/doing sports training most nights my thighs have always been muscular rather than gazelle like. So even though I was thin I didn’t fit fashions aesthetic.

It feels more inclusive to me now as there are more varied shapes in actors, models, singers etc in the public eye; designers and shops recognise this and it’s easier to find styles that work with your body (rather than the implication you need to change your body to be stylish).

Of course body shaming is unreasonable and unacceptable. You are right to push back if someone makes rude or hurtful comments to you. Commenters seem to validate their behaviour as saying what they see, telling it like it is or just saying!

My experience however, is that most people are 'contributors'. They would compliment someone, with the intention of adding something, not taking something away.

Surround yourself with people like this and reduce background noise that doesn't positively contribute to your life. Don't amplify it by 'negging' your own body.

On a side note, this thread made me think of different names for body shapes and I realised they are also shapes of diamond- round, pear, square etc. The differences are what makes them unique, precious and beautiful.