Dh reaction

[billandtedsexcellentadventure]

Sat watching tv with dh and 10 year old son earlier. We were talking about when we went to Devon and he thought hed lost our toddler in soft play. He hadn't but for a minute he thought he had. Anyway son was then saying how did you not see him?! He was right there etc. dh was quite upset when it had happened as he genuinely thought he'd lost the toddler. He's just got really angry and threw the remote control onto next sofa and was swearing saying we were both taking the piss and we had no idea how he felt during that time. He carried on muttering and swearing and took himself off to bed. Son was upset by this as he didn't mean any harm but I can see where Dh was coming from. Did Dh totally overreact though? It's felt like he has but then again I've never felt like he said he felt so I'm unsure.

YABU. Maybe will be a good lesson for your ten-year-old to gauge the reaction of other people when taking the piss out of them. If they’re not enjoying it then you stop. Otherwise it’s just bullying behaviour.

DH clearly still has some heightened emotions attached to the experience of “losing” his toddler. If a mother panicked thinking they’d lost their toddler, I don’t think people would think it was funny, or be ribbing her about it.

Sounds like you were goading him by bringing this up and encouraging son to join in on it. Not surprised he was angry and left the room. Would you be happy if it was the reverse and you had lost the child and your partner was teasing you about it and getting the child to join in?

I've spoken to son about it. He's really sorry about it. He don't realize it had affected Dh so much. I wasn't robbing Dh at all. I said oh toddlers face was a picture when he came out of that soft play.

I had an “I’ve lost my toddler” experience that lasted about 15 seconds, but felt like a lifetime, and even reading your OP brought back that lurch in my stomach.

Ripping the piss out of someone’s traumatic experience is never going to get a great response.

If your DH’s response is completely out of character, and it sounds like it is, then you’ve obviously really touched a nerve. You and your son should apologise to him, and he should apologise to you both.

Thinking you’ve lost your child is one of the most gut wrenching things that can happen to a parent.

You and your son need to apologise.

His reaction is way OTT. Chucking remotes around and swearing in front of his 10 year old? I get it might have been worrying but he needs to speak to someone if it upsets him that much so many years later.

I wasn't ripping the piss at all. Son was borderline which I've spoken to him about. I get Dh was upset and I did say sorry as he was going upstairs but it was the throwing and swearing part which has got me a bit stumped. But as a pp has said maybe it's just brought back horrible feelings. So I shall speak to him tomorrow.

Just let it go, dh should and you should. It will blow over.

I have lost one of my dc twice in public, lasting 5-30 mins. I had no saliva in my mouth and couldn’t speak and was cold all over with terror. Both times, I burst in to tears when I found them in front of everyone. When my friend lost hers once, she wet herself.

Hmmm

I think everyone was unreasonable.

Your DH’s reaction was wag over the top - and he has to be careful being the biggest, strongest person in the room, that’s on him - but equally no one should be taking the piss out of another person’s traumatic experience.

I think you should both apologise to him, not pretend it never happened. This is a good lesson for your son. It sounds like he didn't mean to hurt his Dads feelings, but he didn't realise how shit scary it is to lose your child.

He's an adult he should be able to manage his emotions life one. He should have asked ds to stop.

If you recognised it was bothering your dh you should have said something