To ask Sen parents when it gets easier?

[Sparkzz]

When does parenting actually get easier as I feel like it's not getting easier only harder. I have 4 children one is home educated as she's autistic and couldn't cope in mainstream (going through the process of trying to get her into a special school but it's a long process) one child is on a reduced time table and needs to leave school every day at 11. So I drop him at 8.30 then collect him at 11. By the time I drop my other kids off and come home I'm pretty much back out to collect him. Then come home do work with my daughter then go and collect my other children. His school now want him to attend a weekly session in a different school further away meaning every Tuesday I will need to drop him even further but it's only for 2 hours so I won't have time to go home as there will be no point by the time I get home I will have to leave again to go and collect him so I will have to hang around on the street for 2 hours once a week with my daughter. I have no money to go shopping or to cafes so that's out of the question. I'm just so exhausted I can't see how this is getting easier, feel like that only applies to people that don't have Sen children. When will it actually get easier? because I dread waking up most mornings.

That sounds exhausting. Is there a library near by you and your daughter can go to?

Why is he on a reduced timetable?is this something you have agreed too or is it something the school have suggested. ?

IMO it gets easier once the right support is in place.

With that in mind, when you say DD is EHE and you are trying to get her into SS, where are you in the process? Does she have an EHCP? If not, have you requested an EHCNA? If she already has an EHCP, have you appealed to SENDIST? If you are mid-appeal, have you requested an expedited hearing? In the meantime, you can inform the LA you are no longer EHE and they must make arrangements to ensure DD receives a suitable full time education and anything detailed, specified and quantified in F. If they refuse, delay or ignore your request for AP, you can enforce this, including via judicial review if necessary.

Why is DS on a reduced timetable? Is alternative provision in place? Does he have an EHCP? If so, have you requested an early review. If he doesn’t have an EHCP, have you requested an EHCNA?

Have you requested transport?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and assessment by the children with disabilities team for DC?

Are DC in receipt of DLA and are you getting all the right UC elements? Have you applied for any grants you are eligible for?

My daughter does have a ehcp we are going through the annual review and the LA are consulting with special schools but we haven't had an outcome yet and the school I've named said we may be waiting till September.

Ds doesn't need transport as his school is 10 minutes walk away from our house, it's the other school they want to send him to once a week that is further and will take around 45 minutes to get to. He doesn't have a ehcp we are in the process of applying and the LA have agreed to assess but its in the early stages and we do get dla.

Yes I did agree to it as he wasn't coping being there full time but I didn't realise it would only be till 11 I thought lunch time would have been more reasonable.

Oh gosh, it sounds so intense, and I'm assuming you don't get much (if any) break.

I can imagine having a SEN child is a full time job, so having them plus 3 others must just be impossible.

Just with the going to and fro from school, is there anyone who could help with this?

I think you could possibly get a funded taxi service to and from school if your child has a disability and in reciept of certain benefits. Worth looking into.

I am not familiar with the area so will have to look at what's near by all I know of is a large retail park but don't want to end up spending money I don't have. I will have to see if there is a library.

All children with SEN will be different my son has severe autism and learning disabilities and has always gone to a special school, he's 14now he will always have very complex needs but things got easier when he was in school and we have a routine
We have a decent package of respite now ( it took years to get ) wich includes two overnights a month which is a godsend .

Doe he have an EHCP ?
If not why not ?

Library or museum teach her how to follow Google maps bus timetable’s visit churches look at any building of historical significance (Tudor?) get hot chocolate when it’s raining, do the weekly shopping. Teach her about money. It dose sound exhausting. You can get some education done in the time you have to be out and relax later take her books and read take drinks and a snack from home and wait in the car if your not feeling the rest. You have been given an exhausting task go easy on yourself. Watch YouTube videos on topics you’re covering at home.

When was the AR meeting for DD? Is the school you want wholly independent?

When did you request an EHCNA for DS? Is the LA sticking to the timescales and has all the necessary advice and information been sought.

If you have to take DS to school, which it sounds like you do, then even if the school is 10 mins away you can be eligible for transport. The statutory walking distance doesn’t apply if applying because of the child’s SEND. Transport can also be provided to the other school - the LA may tell you it can’t but it can.

If you want DS to attend school longer, he can. You should request alternative provision from the LA. This can be as well as part time school or instead of depending on what is required.

Yes they won't let him out of the building without me being there. We are in the very early stages of the ehcp his primary school said they would apply for one for him but didn't so I put in a parental request when he wasn't coping in secondary school as they did not seem to want to do one. When I say the early stages I mean they've literally only agreed to assess him about a week ago.

My daughter's annual review was in December and the LA are currently consulting with the special schools we had a home visit from one last week. Due to her behaviour being challenging taking her around to places is difficult.

The special school is an academy in another borough.

As the SS isn’t wholly independent, you don’t need an offer of a place. The school can be named even if they object. So ignore them saying they won’t have a place until September. The LA must name your preference unless the LA can prove:
-The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.
Being full is not defined in law, and on its own being ‘full’ is not enough of a reason to refuse to name your preference. The LA has to prove the school is so full admitting DD is incompatible. The bar for that is higher than many LAs admit.

You should definitely request transport for DS. Is alternative provision in place?

Thank you, this is the school I want for DD so I'm really hoping the outcome is positive but I don't think I will hear back until her final copy is issued so it's just a case of waiting for now. I will look into transport but his school is literally 0.3 miles away. As for the group I'm not sure he will be entitled to travel for that as it's optional I was referred by the school but thought it would be good for him.

Make sure the LA sticks to the AR timescales. They must finalise within 8 weeks of sending you the amendment notice (so a maximum of 12 weeks from the review meeting because the amendment notice should have been sent within 4 weeks of the meeting.) You can also inform the LA you are no longer EHEing and they need to make arrangements to ensure DD receives a suitable full-time education and anything in F of the EHCP.

For DS, if alternative provision isn’t in place, you should request it is put in place. IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Things change with age but I would not claim easier necessarily. Everyone is different. Having 4 children would be pretty tough with no sen!

Dd is ok now as an adult, once the hormones settled (very late with puberty) she has been able to live close to a "normal" life though can't cope with full time work

I’ve only got one DS although his SEN are significant. The right school setting is key ime. Unfortunately it can take years to get mych-needed support in place.

it doesn't

i accepted years ago its my life now and made sure we live a certain way of life to accommodate for disabilities

im a lone parent to a 14 and 20 y old,(all though both years behind) i get zero help family wise or professionally

its all me, 24/7 carer
ive inattentive ADHD as well(not diagnosed until 2023 mind, i was 42 but struggled for years)

we home educate (no special schools around here in rural Wales, its the village school or none so H.E it was)

we follow the radical unschooling lifestyle

as both have many complex disabilities each, a sleeping disability being one they sleep and wake when ever
due no circadian rhythm
melatonin or sleeping tablets doesn't work

they sleep the right amount of hours its just at any time
been like this since birth

i try and match their sleeping but i have the same sleeping disability as well(diagnosed the same time as the ADHD)
so this house eats, sleeps and wakes when ever the body tells them to

Make sure you are claiming DLA, carers, and UC disability element.

My experience is that it goes through phases of being awful, and phases of being easier to manage, rather than getting easier in a linear fashion.

Reduced timetables are a logistical nightmare. I EHE two of mine now and it’s infinitely easier than reduced timetables. And all the stress that came with school, it won’t be a solution for every family though.

I had him home for 4 months as he was unable to attend the reduced time table came about to get him back into school and it's been since Xmas. Having two children at home full time was too difficult for me I couldn't do it permanently I am desperate to get my daughter back into school and they wash their hands off you once you take them out. DS doesn't want alternative provision we've spoken about the possibility of a Sen school or dsp if he gets an ehcp but he was very against them

But school is very stressful I long for the weekends it is so much easier and less stress when they are all at home!

I suspect DS doesn’t understand what alternative provision can be, which isn’t surprising since many parents and professionals don’t understand the scope of what it can cover. It is whatever is suitable for his needs and linked in to his interests. It isn’t limited to a few specific types of provision.