AIBU - men in female fitting rooms

[Forwardthinkingbarnacle]

I was in M&S today, trying on some jeans, and wanted to show my friend who was waiting outside the cubicle. Opened the cubicle door to a man standing feet away, who was obviously waiting for his wife to try something on.

AIBU to feel really uncomfortable about it? I don’t want to share my changing space with a random bloke; why should I (or any other woman)? It was clearly marked “ladies changing room” - I wouldn’t go in the men’s. This has happened multiple times over the past few years and seems to be increasingly accepted by staff. Historically, there were often seats outside of the fitting room entrance for people to show whatever they were trying to their OH, which was a perfectly fine solution.

AIBU?

They allow it now I've not used my fitting rooms since especially as they are curtains and don't shut enough for privacy

They need to back off and not hang around. They’re clearly marked for women So it should be (biological) women only.

Don’t think this would bother me, especially as you knew he was with his wife. He wasn’t a random perv lurking round. M&S changing rooms have solid doors with locks, so it’s not like he could take a pervy glimpse through a flimsy curtain. I assumed when you stepped out to show your friend the jeans you were dressed on top? If so, what difference does it make? You were in the same state of undress / dress as you would be if you were standing next to him in the queue for the till.

My DH waits about 5 feet outside of the whole changing room area (not my individual cubicle). Imo that's a polite distance.

I don't like it when men are hovering just outside the door as often there's a big mirror outside and I like to pop out to check without ducking around a staring man.

I get your point but it’s a female space and so why should a man be in there? Even though the doors are solid and I happened to be fully dressed, it was still a surprise to open the door to a man standing there. I’ve also been into changing rooms with gappy curtains where the same has happened. It’s very easy for men to just wait outside the fitting rooms and the person trying on to pop out to show them if they wish - it’s what my DH does as I wouldn’t dream of setting foot in a male space!

I don't like it either. No need for them to be in that area.

All the M&Ss (and clothes shops) near me are mixed gender changing rooms, so I'm not sure I'd notice if it were a woman only one to be fair! But it seems to be the norm for guys to 'lurk' waiting for their girlfriends/wives etc anyway.

I think it's better if they don't allow anyone in who isn't actually trying things on, make it female. I hate it when anyone is just stiff hanging around outside.

Biological women only in ladies changing/fitting rooms - but only those who are actually trying items on - unless the person trying in is a younger child.

I’ve seen an M and S assistant politely turn a man away from the changing room on the grounds it was in the lingerie section.
The one that bothers me, is our local H and M, where what appears to be the female changing area is all badly fitting curtains and there’s a bench in the middle for seating. It seems to be popular with teens and there’s invariably a man on the bench. Even if he’s genuinely just waiting for a partner, it feels off to me.

@LittleRedRidingHoody

All the M&Ss (and clothes shops) near me are mixed sex changing rooms, so I'm not sure I'd notice if it were a woman only one to be fair! But it seems to be the norm for guys to 'lurk' waiting for their girlfriends/wives etc anyway.

Changed it for you.

It’s not like you’re getting changed in full view. It wouldn’t bother me

Random pervs are also often married.

Didn't need it changed, don't want a debate, and irrelevant to the thread - but thanks 😊

You are not being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable with a man in a space you are getting changed in. You weren’t to know he was waiting for his wife (I am sure he was) but how do you know for sure?

I thought M&S went woke years ago, so I’m surprised to hear they have notices for ladies changing rooms. The one near me has been just Fitting Rooms for years, with one such area placed close to ladies clothing and the other near men’s clothing. It’s a perv’s dream, I wouldn’t use them.

But no, of course males shouldn’t be anywhere near female fitting rooms, what is the matter with them.

With his wife or not, he’s after a sneaky peek at least.

There are women who will just not be able to use changing facilities if there are men in there. Women's changing rooms should be a female only space

I'm just going to leave these here for the inevitable 'what's the big deal' responses.

These were just the first few from a quick Google search, by the way - and these are only the ones that were caught. And no, of course it's not every man, but we don't which ones it is until it's too late:

Gang hid in pool changing rooms to film 5,000 young women undressing
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/04/25/gang-hid-changing-rooms-pools-film-young-women-undressing/

Man held for filming women in changing room
https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-10074315.html

Lincolnshire photographer jailed for changing room recordings
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-65090161

Ex-marine jailed for covert filming of women in changing rooms in Edinburgh
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-27505595

Man caught videoing woman in changing room sentenced to community work
https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/man-caught-videoing-woman-in-changing-room-sentenced-to-community-work/DBCA6IJSBLQ6Q3I3JMHU6WAMUU/

Notice it's almost never women secretly filming/watching men undress is it?

There's a bloody good reason for sex segregated spaces and they need to be maintained.

Could he not bare to part more than 10 feet from his beloved wife when shopping?! 🤦‍♀️

YANBU - I’m sure he wouldn’t have got lost if he waited outside the changing rooms.

I love M&S but they are encouraging this. I was with my husband while he was trying on a suit last week and the assistant said I could go in as there are seats outside the changing room door. I said that he'd come out if he needed me to look and that I didn't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. She then said they were mixed sex changing rooms in the middle of the men's department. This needs to stop now!

I went to M&S yesterday to try on some new clothes, I took my DH into the cubicle with me. It never crossed my mind to be honest. Definitely didn’t see it labeled ‘female changing rooms’ anywhere and the assistant never said anything. Saved me going in and out for him to look. They were full wooden doors not flimsy curtains though.

I want to agree but have to admit I did exactly that with my DS when he used the male changing room by himself for first time😳
Someone did try to open his door by mistake and yes I did give him suspicious looks.

Any decent man should feel uncomfortable in that situation. Telling that the man didn’t.

There are very good reasons why girls and women are socialised into suspicion of men in what should be women’s single sex spaces. And why the push for “gender neutral” spaces is a danger to girls and women.

Just to remind people: 98% of sexual crime is committed by men (the biological kind).

I dont even like husbands hanging around the lingerie section

My husband, dad, other men in my life would not be seen dead in a women’s changing room. Makes me wonder what type of men think it’s ok to be in there, whether they’re accompanying a woman or not.