The other day, my boyfriend was with a group of his male friends and one lone woman. They started making jokes about being “vapists” (as in people who vape) – but it was clearly a coded joke about being rapists. I wasn’t there, but he was recounting it to me afterwards in a “how funny is this?” kind of way, and I honestly just felt horrified.
I kept thinking about how inappropriate and tone-deaf it was, especially given the dynamic of a group of men joking about rape to a lone woman. It made me feel sick. If I’d been in her shoes, I might have cried or had to walk off because I’d have felt so embarrassed, intimidated, or even unsafe. It’s just not funny. It reminded me of how much privilege men have in situations like this – to be able to laugh about something so serious because, for the most part, they don’t have to worry about it. For women, though, it’s a real fear.
I’ve had a non-consensual experience myself, so I found it particularly hard to stomach. And the whole “laughing men at the expense of a silly little woman who doesn’t get it” vibe he described just felt grim and sexist. I haven’t brought it up with him yet because I’m still trying to work out if I’m being unreasonable or overreacting.
Would this bother you, or am I reading too much into it?