Widowed vs Divorced/Separated

[JustAskingThisQ]

I read the site quite often but had to sign up to ask this given the recent thread.

Do people think that it's okay to blend a family/introduce a new partner after the death of parent sooner than if a relationship broke down?

Or do you feel like it's harder to pass judgement on a widow(er) vs someone who has experienced the breakdown of a relationship?

I've seen a lot of people agree that someone should never live with anyone else while having children in the home. Do the people who believe this on here think the same about those who have been bereaved?

If not, what makes the difference?

I think (having been in both situations personally) that it makes no difference.

In ALL circumstances a parent should take their time introducing a new partner to their children.

I think when blending a family the children's needs should be front and foremost.

Both parental death and divorce can be devastating for DC and the effects are long-lasting. Their feelings of safety post these traumatic events often come with stability I.e. staying at the same school, keeping the same friends, going to the same clubs etc. Keeping established routines can ease the disturbance and discomfort in their home life.

Plus, kids often have to keep a "game face" on during school hours/outside the home and really need quiet time to decompress when home.

What blending often means is moving home, changing schools, leaving clubs, moving away from friends and having a noisier home, often with less private space and (essentially) living with strangers. So this is at complete odds with the needs of the child and destabilises them even more.

Add into this the massive increase, statistically, of the possibility of abuse (sexual, financial, emotional, verbal, physical) in a house with stepparents and step-siblings, compared to that of a single parent home, blending has big risks to the child that often outweigh the possible gains.

Although, it was my children's step parent who died not their parent.
And actually that may make a massive difference.

Totally depends on the children. How old they are, how they are coping, what would life look like for them if another partner became involved. So long as you put your kids well-being first (not their wants) that’s the key.