Getting so frustrated with 4 month sleep regression

[Boymumtobe09]

My 16 week old baby has gone from being a pretty good sleeper to waking up 4+ times a night - it started to get worse around Xmas but has completely deteriorated in the last week. Every night this week he has done
less sleep then the night before.

I know it’s not his fault at all, but I can’t help but feel so frustrated by it because I know he can do much longer stretches of sleep. The only way I can calm him down is by feeding so I’m starting to feel really sore - it feels worse than newborn days!

He’s also incredibly grouchy and has started doing the most blood curdling screeching - I had to leave a baby group this week because it was just so awful and embarassing.

All I keep reading online is that it can get even worse and some babies never get back to being good sleepers so I’m feeling like there is no end in sight. I’ve got a consistent bedtime routine for him & he goes into his crib awake so I don’t know what more I can do to get him through this. The only tips I’ve seen is either to co-sleep or split the nights with a Partner, neither of which are an option for me.

I know IABU as he can’t help it but it’s just so tough. I’m dreading going to bed every night.

Hey OP,

Yes it's tough but there absolutely is an end to this. It may take weeks or months but he'll get there.

When he wakes up what do you do ? Make sure to keem lights off, no talking, no changing unless he pooed or nappy is bursting, and milk only if it makes sense (ie, not if he had some twenty minutes ago...)

Cosleeping if perfectly acceptable if you need it. I am usually not keen (simply because I don't sleep well then as too worried I might harm the baby !) but I did it with DC3 and it helped 100%.
Cosleeping doesn't have to be forever, either. Coslept with DC3 for maybe 3 months (there were other reasons for that too), and transitioned to her own room when she was 8 months old. She's now 11 months old and sleeps through the night pretty reliably.

I am in the same boat. 15 week old not sleeping for more than 2 hours every night, it's so exhausting.

Here in sympathy ❤️‍🩹 I've took to having a long nap of a morning but it's really getting to me that the house is upside down and I have no energy. I have DS aged 5 too so I feel awful on him as he's not getting as much time with me.

Hoping this gets better for us both very soon

Just wanted to say I'm also in the same boat with my 19 week old. It's really hard. We've resorted to cosleeping which helps a little. I also noticed a first tooth has cut through so wondering if teething may be a big factor x

@Maxorias thank you for the reply - so I keep all the lights off & don’t talk to him. I will initially rub his tummy and sssh him to try and get him to resettle but he just gets more & more worked up so then I will pick him up & feed him - I try and avoid changing his nappy but he’s having so much milk he’s doing dirty nappies most wake ups.

I do think the feeds are becoming a habit… for this wake up I’ve tried to resettle him without feeding but he will start crying again after a few mins of being resettled.

@02tryingfor02 @minnieot sorry to hear you are both in the same boat and awake at this time!! It’s horrible isn’t it.

I could have written this myself - exactly the same here but it’s been going on about 5 weeks since just before Christmas.

She was so good beforehand from about 8 weeks, only waking up once a night.

Also so fed up of feeling exhausted, not being able to do anything, dreading nights.

I don’t understand why she is so hungry all of a sudden.

Also not in a position to co sleep and don’t really understand how it would help, she’s going to sleep it’s just she’s then waking up every two hours seemingly hungry as cries if not picked up and fed.

Are you using a dummy? Some babies need to suckle more than others. If you read around brain development and what's happening in his body, it might help with the frustration.

Co sleeping can work because like skin-to-skin, just room sharing means the baby goes in tune with our rhythms and breathing. We breathe differently when asleep. The baby wakes and knows they are alone, that's life threatening outside of the modern world. You can settle etc before they are fully awake. It isn't for everyone, but the reason why our babies wake during the night, is for comfort. Our presence aone can give that. If you are lucky in the timing of the morning/afternoon nap, that's when you try to have a catch up.

Thanks for explaining. Mine is in a next to me cot right next to my head. Not sure about OP (sorry for hijack OP!)

@Ponoka7 he won’t take a dummy but does suck his thumb. But doesn’t seem to be using it to soothe himself !

@ThirdAidKit exactly thr same as my boy - he used to do 1 wake up in the night. Was doing a 7/8 hour stretch then a feed then another 3/4’hours

So I tried to resettle my boy without feeding him - took over 30 mins and several attempts and he did go back to sleep….only to wake up 30 mins later. So this time I’ve offered him a feed which he took straight away but isn’t really feeding that much 😑

Mine has just turned 3 months and I think it’s started - three wake ups tonight and she won’t be put down for love nor money. As soon as I pick her up she sleeps but as soon as I try and put her back in her cot she’s awake again.

I hate that I’m annoyed with her!

This is exactly how I feel. I know it's not his fault but it's so frustrating.

Especially when you have a snoring husband laying next to you. I'm on the 5th wake up since 11pm. I can't remember this at all with my first.

I tried the same and he woke up soon as I put him down too. Offered him a feed and he fell asleep on me after 5mins 😭 attempt 5 now to get him back in the next to me

OP why the aversion to feeding when he wakes up? Isn't that the quickest quietest way to get him to settle again?
I think at this age I had mine in a Moses basket on my bed or in the stand right next to me- DH decamped downstairs so he could sleep for work - and I would just grab DC, plug them in till they fell back to sleep then put them back and go back to sleep myself.
The less you can do that wakes you up the faster you can fall asleep obviously so all of that you can do without getting out of bed.
When they were bigger and in their own room but still waking a lot I used to sleep in my dressing gown so I wouldn't get cold when I got up and that really helped my stay sleepy and go back to sleep quickly after.
If you're sore are you using nipple cream like Lansinoh? I had that on all the time and they just feed through it no problem.
Baby carrier/harness was handy so you can tidy in the day with them strapped to you - essential stuff only though! Your sleep is more important.
Both mine were up and down in the night constantly - like every 40 mins - 2 hours till they were 9/12 months and went onto solids and they both sleep like logs now.

@ThirdAidKit

I don’t understand why she is so hungry all of a sudden.

That's why weaning used to be from 4 months - they get more hungry. Now it's 6 months so there will be lots more babies waking up as they will need more milk to satisfy their hunger.

Same. She does a suck it but just more and more until she’s distressed

Hi Op

You are not being unreasonable, you are sleep deprived! But I can promise you the regression will pass, and you don't need to do anything to make that happen. It just comes with time. The older a baby gets the better they are at settling themselves and sleeping for longer. This happens when they are developmentally ready. So in the mean time if the only way you can survive is to feed your LO back to sleep, do it! I co slept and fed baby to sleep for a long time, I tried all sorts to get her to sleep through, none of it worked. But now that she is old enough at 18 months, she's able to settle herself, and only wakes once in the night. I also didn't have a problem going from feeding to sleep to eventually walking and I still sometimes rock her to sleep but it only takes a minute. I promise you all the stuff you read about how to get them to sleep through is rubbish, it is natual to feed your baby to sleep, the hormones in our milk make them sleepy (perfect!). Just focus on the best way for you to get sleep for yourself and the rest will fall into place. It's so tough with nipple pain, if it's the frequency of feeds doing maybe try nipple cream, I was getting it sometimes and the only thing that would help is giving them a break. I follow Lucywebberfeedingsupport_ibclc On insta, she gives amazing content on breastfeeding. Good luck, it sounds like you're doing everything your little one needs, the four month regression is so hard but it will pass xxx

@02tryingfor02 @Sayshesheshe yep I’m feeling terrible this morning that i was feeling annoyed with him. It’s so hard isn’t it

@Userxyd everything ive read online says that if you just always offer a feed then it becomes a habit they are waking up for rather than actually being hungry. I’m not with-holding them but when he woke up an hour after the last feed, I just wanted to try and settle him another way.

he’s doing dirty nappies every time he wakes up so don’t think he needs the milk & also changing him each time wakes him up more too

OP - firstly, sleep deprivation is bloody hard and you’re not wrong to be suffering, especially when baby was sleeping better before. The thing is, baby sleep isn’t linear. It goes up and down a lot and it’s rarely anything to do with what you’re doing. Regression is a pretty unhelpful word because they’re never going backwards, their sleep changes because they’re developing and moving forward. Maybe a few weeks ago he could do longer stretches, that doesn’t mean he can now.

They’re growing and developing at an insane rate, and that affects their sleep, 4 months is generally the first big change but it won’t be the last, and if you refuse to change anything about how you’re responding to them you’re not doing yourself any favours. Your routine might have been great for your 12 week old but that doesn’t mean it’ll always be right. Sometimes they will go down awake and put themselves to sleep (neither of mine ever have and statistically it’s few babies that will do this without other support to sleep, despite the constant narrative that it’s the only right way) sometimes they’ll need something else from you. It might be more milk they need - human brains grow very fast and babies need more milk during growth spurts - if he’s hungry feed him. Really it’s a case of rolling with the punches and working with whatever baby you have at that time, not the one you had a couple of weeks ago, and whatever means you get the most sleep to be able to cope - like bedsharing safely if that’s what helps. Ignore any ‘rod for own back’ comments, babies are all different and their needs change all the time. It won’t last forever I promise.

The biggest thing you can do is adjust your expectations and understanding of normal baby sleep and development, this might help a bit.
https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

What does his daytime routine look like with feeds and naps? What time are the naps and how long for? What time does he go to bed?

I think a night feed up to 6 months is common and realistic.

@Didimum night feeds are typical for at least the first year and many babies need them longer.