How to get through a divorce

[Liz128]

I posted on here before about my marriage and the comments made me realise what kind of character my husband really is. One year later (I’m 29 now), nearly everything’s still the same, so I’ve currently left and asked for a divorce. He didn’t even try to save our marriage unless I went back and lived by his terms. All the emotional abuse I suffered for so long, my feelings being dismissed, my opinions never mattering, him getting brainwashed by everyone else and not listening to my needs. I feel like I might just not be worthy of being loved.

I have a few close friends who have been a great support but they’re all busy with married life. I feel like I have nothing going for me anymore. We have no children from this marriage, no joint properties or finances, no mutual friends. I’ve moved back in with my parents, which is in a different city to my husband so I’ve had to leave my job and I’m currently unemployed. I can’t stay here for long because my family are not understanding of the divorce and they are constantly reminding me how bad my life’s turned out. I was never really a career woman although I’m qualified. I only have around 10k in savings. I’m not the most sociable person (something my husband and my parents always criticised me about). The one thing I wanted the most was to have children and start a family but I failed at that too. I’m worried about my future. Most marriages I’ve seen ended over something major like cheating or addictions, not something like this which makes me scared that I could end up with someone worse. I will give therapy a go but I’m at rock bottom.

Hi op

So sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. It sounds to me like your mistake was not leaving your marriage, but going home to your parents. They sound very negative...

Trust me, you don't want kids with a man like that.

You're young, qualified and FREE.

The sensible thing would be to look for a new job and move out ASAP. BUT, honestly, in your shoes I'd sod off abroad and either work abroad, or go backpacking or both.

Travelling is the best thing that I've ever done. You could get a visa to Oz for 3 years. It wasn't difficult to find work when I was there. I've no idea if that appeals or not.

But you haven't failed. Drown out those voices please, if nothing else!

I agree with the previous poster. Moving in with your parents was a mistake. You are young. Not having kids at 29 is not a failure. It very much sounds like a smart decision given the circumstances. I wouldn't have left the job and moved to another town of I were in your shoes. 10k in savings would have allowed you to share a flat with one or two people for almost a year and you would have some space to clear your head and make a plan.
As you are completely free of obligations at the moment, I think getting a job abroad for a year is a solid idea. Or... 10k would buy you a very nice lifestyle somewhere like Bali for a loooong time (last time I checked, you could get a hut for £300 a month and this was my escape plan when my relationship looked like it was ending).

Just because someone says something about you doesn’t mean it’s true.

I’m not sure moving abroad is the right thing for you to do yet. Can you find a job that you would enjoy and will keep your mind occupied for a year or two while you build your savings up further and get the divorce sorted?

it doesn’t sound like living with your parents is going to be helpful for you, would renting somewhere or sharing a flat/house be affordable for you?

Maybe consider getting some counselling while you figure out your next moves. Good luck. You are being amazingly brave, it’s very easy to stick with status quo and put evryone else before yourself.