To not know how to get to bed before 10pm

[Getkettleon]

I need more sleep, but I just can't seem to be in bed asleep early, ever!
By the time the kids are in bed, I've had my tea, sorted work and school stuff for the morning, done the dishwasher etc etc and had a shower, it barely leaves me any time to decompress, it's pretty much 10pm already, and I scroll or fanny about and end up getting to bed late. Then I'm knackered in the morning, tired all day but I can't seem to break the habit of still getting to bed late!
I have quite a stressful job and strong willed children so the days are often tough, and
I'm definitely a night owl so later nights are a bit ingrained, but I REALLY need a good bedtime routine.

So... Tell me your bedtime routine please!
What do you do before bed? What makes you sleepy? How do you decompress when the evenings are short? How do you break from the scrolling?

I genuinely think I have a problem - as you can see it's midnight so hopefully some early bedtimers will be along in the morning with advice 🤣

IABU - FFS just put the phone down and go to bed
IANBU - it's fucking hard and you need some nice mumsnetters to help you form a decent bedtime routine

You are naturally disorganised and don't have any sort of routine like Donut listed. You don't meal prep and do planning. You don't naturally clean as you go. Do you have SN? Because these basics are probably natural for someone organised, who would've been doing all this stuff naturally for years, pre dc even going to nursery.

I do have the ability to be organised, it just doesn't come very naturally and it takes a lot of effort for me to do things consistently at home. I'm in a high stress managerial role at work, and I manage most of the mental load at home, so I almost feel like my entire organisational capacity goes on this and by the time I get home it's gone and I can't be arsed anymore! I grew up in a household where nothing was ever expected of me, so tidying up after myself never became engrained in a routine - as an adult I now find I have to try quite hard to keep on top of things.

To answer some Qs, for those saying don't sit down - I generally do need to sit down for at least a little bit in order to have the energy to start / carry on with jobs before bed. I've usually been "on it" from the moment I wake up and just can't crack on until I've had a bit of decompression - but I could set a timer for this for sure! I also tried having a shower to decompress instead the other day so at least I'm doing something productive and I can get in my PJ's then crack on, so this could be a way forward!

Thanks for the advice on quick meals too I think a few ready meals will help my evenings be quicker.

My partner's working pattern means I solo parent during the week so I don't factor him into it. That being said, if he is around my routine is better.

I'm not diagnosed ND but I recognise a lot of ADHD traits, and strategies used for this do help me. So maybe! I have considered assessment but it's low on the list of priorities.

I made myself a new rule. No phone after 9pm. So I bought a radio alarm clock and leave my phone outside of the bedroom until morning. Then I’m not tempted to check it. I have no willpower if it’s next to me. It’s really helped. You could try something similar?

I head upstairs at 9pm, get ready for bed, read a book and then lights out at 10pm to be up at 6pm. Which gives me 8 hours.

I go to bed at 9 and read my Kindle for an hour which makes me tired.

It’s quite simple really. I just go upstairs, clean my teeth, do my skin , read a few pages of my book until my eyelids are heavy, turn out the light…..zzzzzzz

I don't think it's going to sleep the OP is struggling with, but getting everything done in the short window between work and a decent bedtime- i feel your pain!

I do feel you but it's just about making good habits and what your priorities are too tbh. My priority is sleep BUT I'm not a single parent, not sure if you are? If I was then I would get a lot less sleep because I leave a lot of the domestic work to DH to do late at night after I go to bed. We have a breastfed baby who still is really not keen on a bottle so I have to do most of the night work with them hence our arrangement. I'm usually in bed by about 10, baby usually goes to bed around 9-ish. The hour in between will be a mixture of light housework like tidying up, dishwasher, putting a wash on a timer for the morning etc and/or a quick shower and change for bed if I know I won't have time in the morning for one, quick snack and cup of sleepy tea whilst I read newspaper or magazine for a few minutes in dimly lit bedroom then straight to sleep. I don't often phone scroll aimlessly on an evening, I get plenty of time to do that when I'm sat breastfeeding or nap trapped with the baby though. That being said, weekday bedtime routine was often similar before baby was born really as I used to have leave the house around 7am twice a week for work.

I set myself challenges so while a pot of pasta is cooking I'll clean the kitchen or hoover the front room or put a load of washing on (sometimes all 3). It helps trick my brain for some reason.

Mindset change.

I love my bed. Going to bed and snuggling into my duvet is my most favourite part of the day. I consider it indulgent to go to bed early. I'm often in bed at 9.30pm on a school night (I'm Assistant Headteacher in a big secondary).

I have 4 children, age range 10-20, and a wonderfully supportive husband (which is the biggest help here). I'm frequently the first in bed in our house. Or I go to bed at the same time as our 10yo.

I'm the same as you, need time to sit and not "do". I think the modern world has us all run ragged and it's not natural or healthy. We have too much stress and pressure and too many plates to spin.

I put my phone in another room. Don't bring it into the bedroom.

Kids have dinner with the kids / clean kitchen / bath kids put to bed.

Give yourself an hour - set a timer to do chores. Can you shower in the morning? Look at how ouch time it is taking to do each thing. Are you faffing about?

From about 7.30 I'm free to do what I want all chores done. Neither walk the dog or read and watch tv, have a bath and we go to bed at 10 every night.

Definitely clean as you cook, you’d be amazed home much time that saves.

Do you work well with accountability (if so, a friend IRL, or your children, or online people?)

Or are you motivated by rewards? Do they need to be immediate (like making getting into bed and lights out phone off more attractive), a slight delay (like a treat in the morning) or a longer delay (like something after 5 days in a row of good bedtimes?)?

Do you benefit from a strict routine? And would writing it out and displaying it work, or reminders on a phone?

Or does gamifying things work, like the box where you store your phone overnight and when you're not using it, but linked to an app that shows when it's been there.

I have occasionally got my children involved when I want to get more disciplined with something. They aren't shy to ask me, they get an example, I get motivation that I can't just switch off like alarms, win-win.

Plus working out an alternative. If boredom makes you scroll at bedtime, can you treat yourself to an audiobook to put on just before getting into bed and putting the phone into the Aro box, for example?

I’m the same. Youngest currently gets up at 5 so I’m shattered and always want to get into bed early but sorting the kids takes until around 7:15. Then I need to eat, sometimes cook, DH and I then spend half an hour tidying up the toys, putting the living room back together, cleaning the highchair, doing the dishwasher, sorting out the bathroom after kids bath etc. Before I’ve actually done anything it’s 8:30/9pm and I haven’t had a minute to do something for myself or sit on the sofa and still need to shower and get washed.
Getting into bed before 10 feels like an impossible task but when the baby wakes a few nights a week and is up early it’s a killer and I could do with sleeping from 8 some nights!

The phone is the issue. Set it to lock at 9pm.

I'm a night owl too but have to get up at 5 during the week and I've found that makes me want to go to bed much earlier, so long as I keep off my phone. I read a book before bed instead (though that can be almost as addictive and hard to stop...)

I totally understand with this, I'm also a night owl who struggles with mornings.

Some things are must do, like cleaning, others are optional, like scrolling. But when you get to the end of the day its so normal to want the options nice things or the say has been a slog.

Can you walk the kids bedtime back 30 minutes? My DD always gets up at 7, even if we've had a very late night e.g. due to travel, so perhaps they might just get extra sleep and you get that time to stuff. That might also mean you can offer something even lighter like crumpets or yoghurt because they've had main meals and tea in childcare settings and they are more or less going straight to bed.

I really recommend switching to a nighttime activity instead of scrolling, even if it's binging a boxset in bed or reading, and doing all lotions and potions and teeth etc. first so that when you are too tired to read or start falling asleep you can just turn tv off.

Oh, and make the chores as pleasant as possible. It's much easier to clean with a podcast on headphones.

I use the Lock Me Out app so my phone will only let me make calls after a certain time. This is very effective at stopping doom scrolling.

Wear a smart watch for your alarm and leave the phone downstairs.

I hope you know how lucky you are! Going to bed exhausted, lying there, lights out, the hours ticking by, no sign of sleep, is so frustrating!