Boundaries?

[MincePiesAndStilton]

I have a friend. She is nearly 40 and unhappily single. She is a good friend and I do like her.
DH and I have always played golf together. I invited the friend along in an attempt to help her meet someone. She had never played golf previously.
She developed an unhealthy attachment to one of DH’s golfing buddies. This all started just over a year ago. They had a small number of dates, slept together and then he called it quits. She has been pining after him for a year, without further encouragement from him.
Fast forward a year and DH and I have DC, therefore I am not able to go golfing.
Friend has added herself to the golf WhatsApp group and is now going golfing with my husband, when I am not there, in an attempt to spend time with the golf buddy. She also attends non golf related events that I can’t go to because of DC.
This worked well for her at Christmas in that she and golf buddy both got very drunk, ended up sleeping together despite him having a new partner.
I find the whole thing really annoying. Going out socialising with someone else’s husband when they are not there is surely not acceptable behaviour? DH is bemused by her and her behaviour - I have no concerns that DH is playing away.
AIBU to find it so irritating?
YABU - she is lonely and trying to find someone. Leave her to it.
YANBU - Weird to be spending time with someone else’s husband without them there. Put a stop to it.

You need a babysitter and go join them. Before it's your dh her desperate self is jumping on...

Good grief she’s a bit desperate. YANBU very very odd behaviour.

I do have visions of this…. She has bought virtually my entire golfing wardrobe.

I don’t understand why you can’t play golf and why you can’t attend non golf events because you’ve had a baby.

Yeh the same thought popped into my head. I wouldn’t be happy at my husband thinking this was not only acceptable, but a bit funny

Because she’s looking after the baby?

24/7? She has a husband, who is presumably also the babies father.

first poster has nailed it .

To be fair, I still do - just not as frequently as I used to. And I wouldn’t mind if she was going when I am going. It’s the going when I am not going that is bothering me.

Why does you dh let her tag along?

Surely he must be agreeing to it?

Next time he should just say "not this time but Mincepies is coming along next week so you're welcome to join then."

if she’s a member of the golf club I don’t see how you can object to her being there when DH is. Very annoying though.

That’s beyond creepy.

Dos she spend a lot of time with your husband?

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she starts trying it on with your husband at some point, that's if she hasn't already!

I work with someone like her, just a complete desperado and she goes from man to man, flirting and trying it on, just anything to get attention from a man! It's embarrassing!

He doesn’t. As SoNice says, she is a member at our club now and because she is on the WhatsApp group, knows when we will be there. The more I’m writing this, the more I am realising that IANBU. I need to put a stop to it.

Not outside of the golfing.

I think this is why it is annoying me so much. I can see the same thing happening.

Your dh needs to make a new what's app group... Without her in it... I bet a lot of his mates will be grateful /relieved!

Is she booking a round just before or after your husbands and just tagging onto his or something? If it's along those sort of lines that's creepy as hell.

Might be better for your dh and this guy to arrange meeting up outside of the WhatsApp group and individually message anyine else they usually play with too, they probably aren't the only ones who are annoyed by her.

I think you’re both right. I haven’t spoken to the other wives about it, but if the other husbands are recounting her ongoing attendance - I can’t imagine that they would be best pleased either! Isn’t it sad when you try and do something kind and it backfires so badly.

If the guys are going around talking about her it's a pretty horrible situation all round.
I wonder what they say amongst themselves as opposed to what their wives get to hear.
If she is your friend have you spoken to her about how you feel about her socialising with your DH on such a regular basis?

No - I’ve been trying to decide if I am being unreasonable to find it so irritating. But I don’t think I am. So I will speak to her.