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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My dad stormed off…

13 replies

Trufflebutter24 · 25/01/2025 20:10

There’s a lot going on at the moment in my life, nothing out of the ordinary but normal pressures of adulthood/ child raising/ work and the added stress of being in a property that we can’t seem to shift and sky high mortgage etc.

For context my DD is quite an intense person, very hot headed but usually well meaning.

He usually picks DC up after school one day a week as both DH and I are at work.

Monday just gone both DH and I were struggling (ironic as was blue Monday) so DH didn’t go to work, so no need for DD help doing pick up.

He asked me why DH wasn’t at work to which I replied “both feeling a bit overwhelmed atm so having a day to rest”. (Probably my first mistake here)

DD then went on a bit of a tirade and said that we should write to our MP about our housing situation and how we can’t sell (long story) and I replied saying that I don’t think our local MP will be able to help so I’m not going to do that. Truth be told I’m exhausted atm and don’t have much fight to give…

Anyway, fast forward to today, DD came over to ours and said he’d wrote a letter to send to the MP and all we had to do was fill in the missing gaps.

(2nd mistake)”thanks dad but I’m not going to write to the MP, I just don’t think it’ll help us”

DD “don’t bother moaning about your flat again, if you can’t even be bothered to send a letter, you ruined my day on Monday as was worrying about you”

he then stormed off and said he was leaving, didn’t say bye to DC and I haven’t heard from him since.

This isn’t unusual behaviour from him, but before I reach out to him, am I being unreasonable here? My DM passed away 10 years ago and I do tell my DD most things (within reason) so it feels sad to contemplate that I maybe need to stop my openness with him.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 25/01/2025 20:15

Stop telling him everything and moaning to him and then he'll have nothing to comment on. You're currently inviting his opinions by involving him.

I agree that writing to your MP is pointless but it's probably a bit irritating for him listening to you going on about it all the time.

comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:17

It can be difficult to support people practically and emotionally sometimes. He probably feels powerless about your situation and worries about you. I think you should have thanked him for taking the time to care enough to write the letter, fill in the bits, and send it. Yes, the MP might have been unable to help, but at least you would have tried.

Trufflebutter24 · 25/01/2025 20:19

I agree that being open invites peoples opinions, but I don’t always talk about my situation. Yes we speak about it, but it’s different if not asking advice, no?

I didn’t even bring it up when I said I was feeling overwhelmed, he just assumed that was why (and it wasn’t anything to do with my living situation)

OP posts:
comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:22

He just seems like a practical helper, maybe? Helping with school pickup and getting stuck in with writing the letter. He might just feel like you rejected his efforts to help—it sounds like a hugely difficult situation. Storming off is not ideal but I think you were insensitive.

Trufflebutter24 · 25/01/2025 20:25

He’s definitely a practical helper and I do appreciate that. I’m spinning lots of plates at the moment and I know it’s just a letter but it just feels like another thing on my list to do. Walking off upset me as I didn’t even get a chance to explain but I will reach out and thank him and send the letter anyway.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:28

Trufflebutter24 · 25/01/2025 20:25

He’s definitely a practical helper and I do appreciate that. I’m spinning lots of plates at the moment and I know it’s just a letter but it just feels like another thing on my list to do. Walking off upset me as I didn’t even get a chance to explain but I will reach out and thank him and send the letter anyway.

I'm sorry it's so tough on you. Let him feel like he's taking a spinning plate, and apologise and send the letter. I hope things improve for you soon.

Ottersmith · 25/01/2025 20:52

DD means daughter. I was a bit confused reading that at first.

Trufflebutter24 · 25/01/2025 20:54

oh my 😂sorry Dear Dad or just Dad?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 25/01/2025 20:56

comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:28

I'm sorry it's so tough on you. Let him feel like he's taking a spinning plate, and apologise and send the letter. I hope things improve for you soon.

Or say you've sent it.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles when you rely on someone regularly.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/01/2025 21:18

Could you reach out to your Dad, ask to see the letter and say that you'll read it and make a decision about it after you've read it again. Tell him thank you for taking the time to put it together and that you're sorry if you were short with him when you last spoke but you were just tired. I'd finish by saying that you're sorry if by telling him about your current situation that it was stressing him at all as that is not what your intention was. You were just having a conversation and you also weren't asking him to try to 'fix' the situation, just acknowledge that it is a shitty situation to be in (as it is for anyone who is trying to sell a property and there aren't the buyers out there at the moment for it).

He's your Dad and he probably still sees you as his little girl that he has to try to rescue from whatever awkward situation she finds herself in. You need to tell him that you appreciate it but he doesn't have to do that any more.

RedRock41 · 25/01/2025 21:24

Many of us would give anything to have their DD here and trying to help. Great plan to reach out and thank him. Life so short enjoy every minute you can with him whilst you can as day will come you would give anything to have another 5 minutes - even if he is doing your nut in during said 300 seconds!

gamerchick · 25/01/2025 21:33

Always one who does the emotional blackmail stuff.

Nobody needs to take shit from their parents just because one day they will die.

Poppyseeds79 · 25/01/2025 21:50

I'd have just said thanks for the letter Dad. And left it at that.

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