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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Emotional infidelity or just friends?

12 replies

He78 · 25/01/2025 19:56

I am trying to work out how to handle a work situation with a colleague/ friend. We have been working together for some time, and it’s all reasonably professional (office job). He’s very good at his job; we are peers and have a collaborative work relationship. He’s married, and so am I. Nothing inappropriate is happening, but this isn’t above the board. He’s too helpful and too supportive to the point other colleagues have made various remarks about it. He comes to my desk often and sometimes says something that surprises or shocks me, or he will remember something I said years ago. But at the same time, he has never crossed any lines. I have plenty of male friends and male friends at work, but something about him makes me think this isn’t all so innocent. Or maybe I should stop being paranoid and enjoy having a good friend at work? He tells me all about his life, his past, his financial issues, some issues with his wife, and about his kids; he comes to me for every issue at work. I do equally come to him for work issues but don’t share anything about my personal life - I mean, I do, but not in so much detail. We are getting too close i feel and that makes me a bit paranoid about emotional infidelity.

OP posts:
user1469569516 · 25/01/2025 19:59

You write that it's all "reasonably professional" - what do you mean?

Please tell us some of the things he says that surprise or shock you.

BIossomtoes · 25/01/2025 20:01

It doesn’t sound as if there’s anything to “handle”. He likes you. The end.

He78 · 25/01/2025 20:01

user1469569516 · 25/01/2025 19:59

You write that it's all "reasonably professional" - what do you mean?

Please tell us some of the things he says that surprise or shock you.

“You are the highlight of my day.”

OP posts:
Nellyelephanty · 25/01/2025 20:02

This is not okay and you know it

user1469569516 · 25/01/2025 20:05

He78 · 25/01/2025 20:01

“You are the highlight of my day.”

He definitely has feelings for you.

He78 · 25/01/2025 20:05

Nellyelephanty · 25/01/2025 20:02

This is not okay and you know it

But he has never done anything “wrong”. My friend says he’s just been a good friend and that I am being paranoid.

OP posts:
ByFairPeachMember · 25/01/2025 20:07

You sound like his work wife and counsel

user1469569516 · 25/01/2025 20:07

He78 · 25/01/2025 20:05

But he has never done anything “wrong”. My friend says he’s just been a good friend and that I am being paranoid.

Why do you describe him as a friend?
How has he become more than a colleague?
Do you socialise together?

He78 · 25/01/2025 20:11

Ah, we have been working together for years, collaborate a lot, and do so well. Why do I say, friend? He shared so much about his life with me, some very personal stuff. We do lunches together as a group, have coffees, or he comes for a walk with me when I need a break at work, etc., but I wouldn’t text him outside work hours or see him over the weekend.

OP posts:
Snowmanscarf · 25/01/2025 20:12

I was about to say that it sounded reasonably okay, until the ‘highlight’ comment. That’s definitely a bit over familiar. Also, the fact that other people have noticed the closeness is a slight red flag.

Yes, it’s nice to have a close friend at work, but it does sounds like he has a crush on you. I think you need to wean him if you a bit. Don’t go for walks, just him and you. Make sure you have group coffees, not one-on-one. Etc.

veraswaistcoat · 26/01/2025 00:33

He's setting you up for an affair but doesn't want to appear the one who initiated when it all goes tits up!

CanIgetARosePinkFrappucino · 20/08/2025 13:23

Is this still going ?

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