You're my favourite granddaughter

[Littleblackcatsmum]

Mil is generally well intentioned but does drop some clangers. We have 2 girls age 5 and 6 month baby. She said to one I love you, you're my favourite granddaughter. I thought that was very damaging but maybe only if it comes from parents. Dc1 was sat there looking very pleased with herself. It's the 2nd time mil said this. I'm now really worried DC1 will use this against baby when they're older, feel superior or constantly on edge about whether she's interesting enough to remain the favourite.

Yanbu - it's ridiculous to tell one kid they're a favourite
Yabu - sure it's slightly off but no biggie.

How can we say to dc1 this isn't a thing?

Some people say this to all their kids/ grandkids. It can be a joke when all the kids know they do it. Does your H have siblings? Ask him if she told them all they were her favourite.

I was going to say YANBU, but I think at those ages your eldest daughter may well feel like she's not the favourite/priority atm (no matter how well you navigate it!) and I can see where your MIL is coming from, trying to make her feel special.

I'd probably say something if she's still saying that when your youngest is old enough to understand.

You need to talk to your MiL about this, not your daughter. I have two girls and would be furious if this was happening to them. Fortunately your baby won’t know what’s going on so you need to nip this in the bud now before she gets older and does realise.

it could be that your older dd is feeling a bit put out by the arrival of her baby sister and so your mil is over compensating

Ooof I'd say to mil she can't say things like that now she has more than one granddaughter. My mil says this to my daughter but she is the only granddaughter and she'll say you're my favourite oldest grandson/youngest grandson etc still think it's a bit weird but at least not leaving anyone out.

That sounds cute actually. I suppose if she used to say it to one then she doesn't want to suddenly stop so she says it to both.

I think it puts them in competition as sisters and it would be a bit late to wait until baby can understand as the oldest already has in it their head they're better somehow.

I have four Grandsons ranging from 20 to 10.. when they give me a cuddle l say to everyone.. you're my favourite... they just laugh and roll their eyes..

My grandad had around 35 grandchildren. He used to say to me 'you're the best one that ever came here; - and I believed I was! Until I heard him saying it to my brother. He said it to all of us and it made us feel special. He was the best grandad ever.

There's a kids book called "you're all my favourite'. Maybe get that for DD?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Youre-All-Favourites-Sam-McBratney/dp/140634978X/

That's funny actually, perhaps it would work here

Could you suggest she says your are my favourite eldest/youngest granddaughter? My father says to my sister and I you are my favourite eldest/youngest daughter or number one eldest daughter and number one youngest daughter?

My eldest granddaughter is the best five year old in the world. My youngest is the best two year old on the world.

Thanks everyone it sounds like there's a good solution. Just a bit frustrating it needs to be said and the significance of favouritism was not noticed.

If I ever feel moved to say anything like this, if a child's being exceptionally endearing, I say " You're my favourite ( insert name of child.)

My gran said that to me. It didn't cause any problems apart from my sister being a bit sad

I don't think it was ok your gran made your sister sad in a way that was easily avoidable and for no real gain. Depending on the dynamic it could have really knocked her self esteem or created resentment that you were the golden child. Though I also get it in that it's not like parents saying it and it depends on family dynamics as a whole.

My DM said to my DD, young adult, and in the hearing of my also young adult DS, "oooh hello my favourite grandchild" as she hugged my DD.

I had a few words with her, it's just not bloody on.