Pre teen doesn't want me around

[Helpmeouthere89]

Iv posted before about my 12year old being really difficult at the moment. His behaviour has been escalating and is nearly always centred around his ps5. This weekend he escalated and was violent towards me and broke his TV. His dad came up to take him back down his as we are separated but co parent very well together. Or at least I thought it was well. I thought his dad would explain to him about his actions and have a natural consequence for his behaviour but his dad is still letting him on the ps5 down there. My son is now refusing to come up mine because obviously he doesn't have a TV in his bedroom and I'm not in a rush to get one right now. I sent him a message telling him I know it's been a hard weekend but I would like some quality time with him and he replied saying he hated me and proceeded to block me. His dad isn't rushing to help me communicate with him and obviously he has a playstation down there and a TV so he's in no rush to come up to mine. I feel like I am loosing him and have no idea how to get my relationship back with him.

When you say "up" and "down" are you living in the same house?

No sorry I should have explained better. We have joint custody. His dad lives about 10 minutes away and my son spends 3 days at his dad and the other 4 at mine.

Why on earth hasnt dad removed his tv and games console???

I've asked him this and he said it's because he wants an easy life. I also told him I don't feel like he is supporting me. Why would my son want to come back to mine if he can't game when he having an easy life with his dad with no consequences.

If I were you I'd make the most of him being at his Dad's for now - you sound like it's time you had a break to recharge your batteries and de-stress.

Do some things you haven't been able to whole son was underfoot, or just enjoy the peace!

This is what my family and friends have told me but I'm worried that he just won't ever come back. I just don't know how to repair the relationship it's an awful feeling knowing he doesn't want to come back.

You say his bad behaviour centres are the ps5. How much is he playing?
Does the bad behaviour happen when you try to stop him playing?

Maybe he won’t come back and maybe that’s also okay. If he’s being aggressive and violent with you then being with his dad sounds like a good idea.

He is on it way too much for my liking. Probably at least 5 hours a day. I genuinely feel like he has an addiction to it. The tantrums are when I ask him to come off especially for bed.

He's pushing boundaries. It will happen at his dad's too once the honeymoon period has worn off.

Just keep reaching out, tell him you love him/miss him when you can. Ask how he is, what he is doing. But don't force it. Make the most of him being there, take a step back and let it play out.

I can't even do this because he has completely blocked me by text phone and WhatsApp x

You literally left it to your ex to parent him. If it happens in your house - it's your job to discipline. Don't wine that his dad isn't doing it for you

Eventually his dad will implement boundaries and he will try playing you off against him.

you guys need a united front re the ps5. Probably worth getting rid altogether as he is unable to play responsibly or regulate his behaviour.

Rubbish.

It's your Ds choice to stay with his Dad and l don't think anyone can force him to come back to you OP . You can't put up with him being violent to you that's simply not on . Perhaps it would be for the best if he stays with his Dad for now, to give you all some space . I really hope you have a happy resolution to this .

I appreciate where your coming from and I do discipline up mine but after being violent and aggressive I assumed I would receive a bit more support from his dad. The ps5 being an issue is something we can't agree on even though he performs with his dad having to come off it and has thrown things around down there. But he wont physically hit his dad as his dad is a lot bigger than him where as me and him are roughly the same size

He'll unblock you at some point. In the mean time just check in with his dad, ask if he is ok, and ask him to let your son know you asked after him.

It's hard I know as it feels they may never want to come back. But he will. His dads won't be rosy forever.

Thank you . I am gutted as up until a few months ago we had a great relationship. Don't get me wrong he could have the occasional tantrum but no where near this level.

OP are you connected into the smartphone free childhood (SFC) movement? If not, you might find it a real help for solidarity and advice about dealing with child gaming addiction.

I also see where you're coming from - violence is a difficult issue to get around.

From your sons point of view, going to his dads is a way to escape consequences. It's irritating that the dad won't do a united front with you but there's nothing that can be done about that.

I'll echo what others have said - use this time to relax and have a bit of time off of parenting. He's getting to a difficult age so try not to worry about him not talking to you.

Where did the OP leave it to the ex to parent the child?

If your ex isn't concerned about his son being violent towards a woman, he's a bloody useless father. You can't force him to step up and back you up but my God I'd be giving him a piece of my mind about being such a crap father! Your son will get in touch with you again OP, use this time to look after yourself and try to de-stress.

Just wanted to update this thread quickly. He has decided he wants nothing to do with me. He told me and his dad that I beat him up all the time and physically assault him which I don't. It feels like he believes this. He won't talk to me or acknowledge me anymore. Won't even reply to a WhatsApp and tells his dad how much he hates me. I'm heartbroken. I go down about 3 times a week just to say hi and so he knows I'm still there for him but I'm not sure where to go from here.