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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband is a tool bag

9 replies

Hunnybunny235 · 25/01/2025 17:58

I’m so mad at my husband. His friend/ colleague invited him out to a football stadium and wanted me to accompany his wife (the friend did) as we both have young children so she wouldn’t have to struggle by herself. I have 2 under 2 so any motive is more a chore than fun but I agreed. Well I spent all day in a busy shopping centre chasing after my toddler and it was far from relaxing while my husband enjoyed a nice football tour and a great child free day. I’m not resentful for this part I’m glad they enjoyed themselves and tbh I’m glad I was in the company of another female adult who understands. My baby still doesn’t sleep through the night so if you can imagine I’m crazy tired always. Well, we get home and my husband says immediately he needs a chill from this amazing day and goes into our bedroom that doesn’t have a lock. After an hour of this, while I look after both kids, attempt to make dinner and clean (literally juggling the world on my back), my toddler starts banging on the door and tries to come in and see him. Guess who he tells off. Me!? He says I’m not respectful of his time when he can step outside or go somewhere else and I’m always juggling a million things. Not to mention his on a business trip tomorrow and I’ll once again have to look after the kids myself which I do all the time (SAHM.) when do I get to chill? Or catch up on my sleep? I’m the only one who wakes up with the baby. And although I had a great day I still had to tend to the kids needs all day when he went basically all day childless and will for the next couple days. I was horrified he was so nasty to me when I am so tired, burnt out and in desperate need of a break. My home should be my safe place I forgot I had to chase the kids around there 24/7 too when I’m trying to get on dinner.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 25/01/2025 17:59

He sounds like a piss taker. Leave him.

PinkyFlamingo · 25/01/2025 18:01

So why are you having children with someone like this?

SauvignonBlonk · 25/01/2025 18:01

He’s a selfish dick. Unbelievable. It’s a no from me.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 25/01/2025 18:02

He's a selfish using bastard. Send both children in to him and take yourself out for dinner.

TheChosenTwo · 25/01/2025 18:03

What a selfish thoughtless prick.

Han86 · 25/01/2025 18:04

Think you need to tell him this and perhaps plan a day out yourself, maybe with the friends wife where you leave them with the children and go to a spa or something.

mummysontheginalready · 25/01/2025 18:04

selfish git he obviously does not value you or want to participate in family life. coming home today he should have taken over let you have a rest with a nice cuppa

lemonyfox · 25/01/2025 18:06

I read threads like this and I get really frustrated that women don't stand up for themselves in this situation. When he went into his room why didn't you say no? Why did you carry on cooking and cleaning and looking after your children, without saying anything or telling him to get himself back downstairs??

I just don't get it.

GrandmotherStillLearning · 25/01/2025 18:06

Hunnybunny235 · 25/01/2025 17:58

I’m so mad at my husband. His friend/ colleague invited him out to a football stadium and wanted me to accompany his wife (the friend did) as we both have young children so she wouldn’t have to struggle by herself. I have 2 under 2 so any motive is more a chore than fun but I agreed. Well I spent all day in a busy shopping centre chasing after my toddler and it was far from relaxing while my husband enjoyed a nice football tour and a great child free day. I’m not resentful for this part I’m glad they enjoyed themselves and tbh I’m glad I was in the company of another female adult who understands. My baby still doesn’t sleep through the night so if you can imagine I’m crazy tired always. Well, we get home and my husband says immediately he needs a chill from this amazing day and goes into our bedroom that doesn’t have a lock. After an hour of this, while I look after both kids, attempt to make dinner and clean (literally juggling the world on my back), my toddler starts banging on the door and tries to come in and see him. Guess who he tells off. Me!? He says I’m not respectful of his time when he can step outside or go somewhere else and I’m always juggling a million things. Not to mention his on a business trip tomorrow and I’ll once again have to look after the kids myself which I do all the time (SAHM.) when do I get to chill? Or catch up on my sleep? I’m the only one who wakes up with the baby. And although I had a great day I still had to tend to the kids needs all day when he went basically all day childless and will for the next couple days. I was horrified he was so nasty to me when I am so tired, burnt out and in desperate need of a break. My home should be my safe place I forgot I had to chase the kids around there 24/7 too when I’m trying to get on dinner.

So he was in the bedroom with door shut ? Erm..perhaps obvious, tho my mind may be in a different area on this one.

Just say I'm tired too. Over to you and go grab a bath and lock door.

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