Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Grief

3 replies

Saskia22 · 25/01/2025 16:24

Hey, Just wondered if anyone has any advice or similar experience. I sadly lost my dad 5 months ago, he'd had a stroke 8 years earlier and also had inclusion body mysotis which lead to his death as he lost the ability to swallow. It has been a tremendously traumatic time. I was an only child and definitely a daddy's girl. He took an interest in me and my life, We would talk for hours. My mum neglected me emotionally as a child. Always been quite jealous and loves playing the victim. I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Thought to have stemmed from the emotional neglect. My mum walked out on me and dad several times growing up. It's always been about her. Since my dad's death it's all about her, not once has she asked me how I'm doing. I've encouraged her to seek professional help but no there's always an excuse. I saw her briefly today and I just wanted to scream. She's acting like a frail old lady , she's not. I feel she wants me to look after her and I resent that alot. Then of course I feel guilty that I actually don't like her, and I don't know if I ever have. Even as a child I hated her at times. I find out later in life that my grandad sexually abused her. As I child I was regularly sent on camping holidays with him. I am very angry about that. I can't walk away, she literally has nobody else, no friends nothing. I wonder why. X

OP posts:
SleepToad · 25/01/2025 16:31

Your are not being unreasonable. But you have two separate things here. One, your df passing and two your relationship with your mum.

5 months is.no time at all and you will still be feeling the depths of grief. Perhaps you may want to talk about that with someone. But it's very early still.

Your mum is a different matter. You don't actually have to like her. You don't have to take care of her. She clearly struggled with things and didn't sound like a great mum. She knew the risk she put you in, I would have expected her to protect you.

Again it may help to have professional counselling.

User67556 · 25/01/2025 16:35

Wow can't believe what I just read about her sending you away with her abuser. I am shocked you haven't cut her off already - there is no relationship here - she sounds absolutely awful in every way. There is no reason for you to feel guilty for going no contact- get some counselling and please cut her out of your life.

MariaDingbat · 25/01/2025 16:35

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad many years ago and I still miss him. Therapy was a lifeline to try and unlock myself from the grief and sorrow. I really recommend it. As for your mother, please remember that you are allowed to protect yourself from someone harmful, even if she is your mother. You're not her carer, you are not responsible for her feelings.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page