Let me start by saying I do love dm, but our relationship has always been complicated. We were never close like the stereotypical 'mother daughter' relationships you see. Dm was quite cold and closed off growing up, and I never felt I could truly be myself around her. She took care of my basic needs well, but was emotionally unavailable. She didn't remember what A levels I was doing (once an Aunty asked her, and was shocked that she didnt know), amongst many other things. I was jealous of the relationships my friends had with their dms, and how they could always turn to them for constructive advice, and their dms were always there for them, without judgement or making them feel like they were wrong for simply feeling.
I never felt dm loved me growing up, there was no feeling behind her words. She always favoured my sibling (the golden child), and to this day, she'll defend his toxic behaviours, deminish my feelings, and everything is always my fault. We had a big argument recently about a huge issue between me and db (we attempted to reconnect after a 6 year estrangement); it didn't work out. Dm got herself involved, because as usual db had been moaning to her (he is 41!!), and she took his side, completely disregarded my feelings, was cold towards me, and sald things like 'how do you think you not speaking makes me feel? Do you want to isolate yourself?" and "you have no one, is this what you want?" She then parroted db's grievances while completely dismissing mine. I am a grown womem, yet found myself attempting to justify why I feel a certain way, and to defend my apparent terrible behaviour. Db has a partner, has had multiple complaints about him at work because of the way he speaks to people, moans to dm. Funnily enough I haven't felt the need to mention him to her once, because we haven't been close since dcs. As adults we have had multiple spells of nc, and we haven't been close; it isn't exactly a surprise. We tried, it didn't work; I wish him well.
I have dh, my dcs, friends and I'm happy. I am more content without my manipulative sibling who causes nothing but drama. Her messages had a lot of "me's" in. The only way it it ended amicably with dm, was me saying that I would be there for her in her old age, and be civil with sibling should I bump into them, etc as we were for df; the parting of ways wouldn't affect her.
I told her I never felt she loved me growing up, we weren't close. She hasn't addressed any of it; it's been swept under the carpet.
Dm and I are very different people. I was a lot closer to my df, who passed away over a year ago. I take after him more. I find dm selfish, entitled and like a little girl lost at times. Since df passed (they were divorced), it has really highlighted the traits of dm he was tormented by in his later year's. I tried to buy her affection since I was a little girl; I never felt enough. Df made me feel like the most loved person on earth. I miss him dearly; his death has only made me see that he was the one person in my old family that I was connected to.
Since dm split up with her bf, fell out with friends (most of them were through her bf), she has been texting me every day, sometimes multiple times. She mainly just has me & ny family, her sister, and acquaintances. I have been delaying responses to try to manage expectations, but it isn't working. She'll text in the middle of dcs bedtime routine/school run times etc which I understand she'll forget about, but she expects responses to be faster. We're not close, our argument was sorecently, I still feel hurt and feel she should be turning to her son who she puts first, yet she complains that she "doesn't hear from him." He is selfish so he'll bother when it suits him. I feel used quite honestly.
My dcs love dm dearly, their relationship is separate and I love that this at least a positive.
I'm a terrible person aren't I? She is 70, and people don't have mothers at all. When the texts come through I feel angry.