To ask for your stories of leaving a coercive control and/or violent relationship and rebuilding your life?

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This is what I want to do. To leave. I’m very anxious about it and I know it will be hard but worth it.

You can do it. It'll be hard, that's for sure, but you'll be so glad after it's done.

I left my abusive ex, with my toddler and a suitcase of clothes. Stayed with his parents for a while until I got a flat (live in a different country from my family so had no support of my own) which i moved into with no furniture except a bed someone in the building was throwing out. I started my life again with nothing, and it was difficult, and the subsequent court battles with my ex were horrid but 13 years on I have a decent partner, two children, and a bright future.

OP it will be totally worth it. I don’t have lived experience but I work for a domestic abuse charity & meet so many women who have been where you are & got out - it’ll be hard but you won’t regret it.

do you have friends & family to support you? Consider reaching out to your local domestic abuse service too - help is there for you.

Thank you for sharing that 🙏 it’s very encouraging and I know the short term pain must be worth the long term gain of a safe and peaceful life. I dread the possibility of court battles. Glad you got thru that!

Thank you! That is encouraging. My local women’s aid says they are full at the moment. Sadly they were under funded and can’t help as many as they used to. Does women’s aid have a national or regional branch when the local branch is full?

Are you sure there isn’t someone in your life who would help you?
I understand that part of the abuse can be cutting a person off from family and friends, but please do have a think. I bet there is someone who understands more about what’s going on than you think and would absolutely be there to help you.

It’s hard but you can do it, I’m out the other side. My life is my own!!! And it’s amazing. I am happy and safe, so are my children - I wish that for you too x

Thank you so much. My extended family lives very far away (in another country). I have one sibling whom I tried to ask for help and unfortunately he just “didn’t get it” so I didn’t get very far. That sibling is caught up in being upset with me for not visiting my elderly parents more since I have moved country for my husband. My parents did understand and told me if I need a divorce, get a divorce. Sadly, my dad is now very caught up in caring for my mother after her stroke. I don’t feel that I can ask them for money or support at this time as they need it for themselves.

i do have several friends who want to be there for me. A friend also recommended a support at her church, and I am reaching out to them.

My sister left her abusive ex husband 2 years ago - he was a millionaire yet hid finances, she had her own career before they had children but he convinced her to give it up then controlled and abused her.
she called the police one day and got locks changed and he never was allowed back.
had to go through court and still let’s him see the children but it’s no contact, he was fuming spat his dummy out tried it but has not succeeded. She had to go onto universal credit as he cut off all funds but she is a brand new person now he’s out of her life. It was tough at the start and she had a few mini breakdowns but she’s going great now - family of narcs he is from.