Using illness for views

[Newyr123]

Aibu to be sick of influencers using their child's illness to gain follows/views/likes.

An account popped up on insta of a suggested profile. I actually know the woman she's from my area and I know people she does. She's moved to a different country. Anyway her son is less than 6 months old and in an induced coma. Wouldn't wish that on anyone, it's absolutely terrifying.
However she's decided to post her at the hospital. She's specifically set the phone up from a distance to film her looking into his hospital cot.
Other things include a distressing pic of him laying on a hospital bed with so many wires and tubes attached.
Now I know she's sitting around and worried however I don't believe posting these videos and pictures are appropriate! What about her sons privacy.

A more extreme case was the lady who drugged her child to make him ill and posting on tiktok about it. She used the induced illness for views/likes

So many times I've seen influencers post their children at their lowest and most vulnerable states when they are poorly or even in hospital. I don't think it's OK.
Aibu?

It’s no different to what that large family we can’t mention do, and they get paid for it.

YABU. It’s probably comforting to her and taking her mind off the awful situation.

Whilst I agree with you wholeheartedly my only thing is if they are doing it to try and raise money for life saving treatment etc. that they can't get on the NHS...otherwise completely agree with you OP.

I totally agree.

I recently had a similar conversation with a friend, where I said I thought it was wrong to post videos about their disabled child. I also have a disabled (now adult) child and hardly ever even took a photo when they have been in hospital, let alone posted it anywhere.

She said, she thought it was good to raise awareness of the illness/disability, but I only see it as invading their privacy.

There will always be people that enjoy the attention, that’s why there is a condition diagnosed for it.

Someone has a seriously ill child. What stands out to me is you say you know this woman yet all you are focused on is your judgement of her, no compassion for her situation.

I also can't believe you are comparing her to someone who deliberately harmed their child.

Might be time for a think about whether your SM use is helping you.

I do have compassion for her. As I said I don't wish it on anyone at all. Must be horrible. However why post it on SM. She will be getting paid for her views/likes etc.
Monetising your child's illness does not sit right with me morally

I agree OP. It's attention seeking and invading her son's privacy.

I don't get why anyone would film their most intimate, vulnerable situations.

I'm a nurse and had many relatives in hospital etc and would never think....ah let's get a film to show how we're suffering......nope!

When my husband was seriously ill in hospital a couple of years ago, the last thing I would have thought of was...let's take a video or a picture.....no I had have to treatment for PTSD because I couldn't get the images out of my head causing severe physical reactions.

I agree with you. I can't think of anything worse than finding social media of myself like that. I guess the person loves publicity and therefore assumes their child will.

I opened this thread expecting a different direction. That of posts, reels, etc, almost relishing "invisible illness" and stating they spend 90% of their life in bed etc etc. Before anyone assumes I'm an invisible illness denier it has affected several friends and family. All of them have struggled to come to terms with it and cycle through a process of requiring validation for how shit they feel which involves focusing on their illness, symptoms and making sure everyone's aware of every little thing by using their smart watches and other tech to plot sleep, HR etc.

Their recovery and ability to enjoy life starts when they stop focusing on what is shit and look at what is good. Their own idea of self changes and even if their health doesn't it appears to them and certainly me that they are not as afflicted as they were. I'm not suggesting hiding illness but not letting it become you. So reels of young women smilingly listing how ill they are worry me. It makes it aspirational whereas the reality is anything but

Agreed in some respects.

I know one family who have made a lot of money from tiktok, they've have even had cash from go fund me numerous times. The new go fund me they created has now started to refund donations because it's all turned out to be bullshit. They're both coke heads, it's well known in the area that they're con artists too.

Don't get me wrong it's good to put your story out there if that's what you want, but using a sick/dying child for financial gain is horrible

I'm of a similar mind to you. They can't consent and we should be trying to safeguard our kids, illness or not. When they are at school we are asked if it's ok to publish the photos that are taken at sports day and if they can use their first name. Yet some people will post their child in a very vulnerable position. Even if you are trying to raise money for treatment, I think that there are other pictures you could use.
I am severely disabled and in a wheelchair. I've survived septic shock and would have been mortified if someone had posted photos of me in ICU.

I also think we owe some thought about the viewer of the photos too. It can be very distressing to see pictures and it can cause emotional harm to others who have been in a similar situation.

I think in that instance whatever she needs to get through.

She probably needs the support of her online community and feels very isolated right now.

I can't begin to imagine and I have a child with complex medical needs. But a baby in a coma? Heartbreaking 💔.

Munchausen by proxy is a whole other ball of wax not related to this poor woman at all. Seems an irrelevant comparison.

I believe intention matters. Is she looking to exploit her baby? No. Is she looking for views and attention? Probably, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

She must be feeling a million different things and like screaming into the abyss. If this helps her cope in any way then that's a good thing. An important thing.

She's grieving and I learned long ago not to judge how others grieve.

It's not something I would ever do. In fact I wouldn't put my children on display on social media whether they were ill or not. But it's not really up to anyone else to judge another person's way of getting themselves through an extremely stressful event. It might be the only thing keeping her sane and maybe she is finding some comfort in people's supportive comments. I would probably think 'what a horrible situation, poor child, poor mum' but that's where my interaction would end and I would just forget about it. Maybe just have some compassion and leave it at that.

I'm not comparing. I am stating different scenarios and cases. Yes some cases are more extreme however in part they all involve attention from the Internet.

My DS likes a family on YouTube and I don't mind them tbh. However one of their children got very ill and was in hospital. They filmed him and were trying to get him to talk to the camera. In the end I told my DS to turn it off because it wasn't right to watch this poor boy so ill in hospital and his parents still asking him questions and trying him like a performing monkey. I get they want to share their lives with viewers but at what cost to the child. There is a line I believe of what to share and what not to share.

Just a note I believe this lady could have shared a few posts about her son but she did not have to share vulnerable pictures. If she is looking for support from the online community

When parents choose to pimp out their children, it should be a legal requirement that all money earned (not just profit) belongs exclusively to the child/ren with no clauses to allow parental access to that money.

A friend I now has a child, the friends partner was big on social media and posted their child a lot. Their relationship has now ended, their child actively dislikes going to their other parents because so much time is dedicated to performing for social media, rather than having time with their other parent. Rather than do something about it, the parent complains on social media that their child prefers being with the other parent, often in front of the child to ensure they are taught to feel guilt for experiencing completely natural feelings.

I think it should be illegal for parents to post content including their children. It's an infringement of their privacy that they cannot consent to and the internet is forever so the child cannot get rid of it when they are older if they do not like it.

Why can't we post about them on here?

I'm not going to judge anyone in such a shitty situation tbh.

Having a kid in hospital is bloody expensive, maybe she needs money.

Maybe she has a community of people who have kids with the same condition who are helping her.

Maybe she is lonely and needs support, being in hospital with a child can be very isolating.

Or a whole host of other, understandable reasons.

Its not ideal, and there are issues with influencers and kids, but there are no ideal solutions here.

MN gets upset when people dislike men having sex with 13 year old children.

Ugh that's horrible. Shocking lack of emotional intelligence on the part of the SM-addled parent.

I think I know who you're talking about and I feel for her. She's miles away from family, only has a small support network where she is and the medical drama came as a shock. If it was me (who doesn't post openly on social media), I probably would have sent those pics to family, to help me talk and digest what is happening. She posts a lot about family, the move, the struggles she's having and I think it's just her way of coping maybe? I think her parents are going through medical stuff at home, so maybe she needs support elsewhere?

I kind of get why they do it, money being the obvious one, in that situation it’s hard for parents to have or keep a regular job, if this keeps them accessible and being able to keep a roof over their head I can’t judge.
also I think some of it comes from the hope that publicity will get them seen by someone with influence, be that an expert in the field or someone that can help in some way.
there’s awful cases where the children aren’t really ill and that’s terrible, but I do understand why legitimate cases do it.

I completely get that and I understand she probably needs support and to chat with people. What i don't agree with is her posting her little son hooked up to loads of wires and tubes when he's vulnerable and poorly. She could just post updates via a blank background and text or a background photo with text on. She doesn't need to show the world these vulnerable pictures. Fair enough could send them privately

I agree. The whole camera and SM thing and posting about illnesses and photos in hospital really baffles me. It’s something I would rather not disclose and be left alone in peace. I have a husband and family friends who I actually see in real life. To do this with your child is even worse.