To start another 3rd baby debate?!

[ConflictedBeagle]

I am really interested to hear how anyone decided on whether to have/not to have a 3rd baby.

My partner and I are genuinely torn whether to try for another or not. I have a child from a previous relationship, (father sadly not in the picture in any meaningful sense, so my partner is in the role of Dad day to day) and we have an almost 2 year old together. I say this for background but we both consider that we already have 2 children, although obviously my partner has only experienced having a baby one time and I feel there is something special about the newborn stage with the confidence of a second time parent.

I have a huge biological urge to have another baby and feel it would be lovely for my partner to experience being a dad to a baby second time round. However, we have no family, so we get very limited support as it is and have to have our youngest in childcare 4 days a week while I work. We only had 1 evening last year where we had a suitable babysitter to go out together and this would not be possible with another baby. Our only option would be professional babysitter, but I would worry and find it hard to trust.

We are fortunate to be able to afford a third financially and have 4 bedrooms so space is not an issue.

We are both at the point where our hearts say yes but our heads say no.

I would love to hear how others made this decision if anyone would be happy to share please? Thanks in advance!

I have 2 friends who had 3 and I remember them moaning about having to chsnge the car and having to book 2 hotel rooms as 5 people arent allowed in one room.

Only you can decide. Personally we are so glad we stopped at two. Teens are amazing but demand so much of your time energy and money. Deep in peri menopause now it would frankly finish me off doing this a third time. Then 3 lots of university costs! Being a Four is great. Enjoy the kids you have.

If both your hearts say yes and there are no major practical reasons not to (I wouldn't consider having to source a babysitter as an insurmountable problem!) then go for it.

How does your AIBU work op?

Fwiw, I'm really glad we had three dc. They're teens-young adults now. I found 3 easier than 2 tbh. They get on really well, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. We had very little sibling rivalry and they really look out for one another. The house is busy, but full of joy. Always laughter, news to share, big family dinners. I love it. Holidays abroad are more expensive as you have to book two rooms if you stay in a hotel, but that's not a reason to not have a child. Just book a villa lol. The only negative is the laundry, it's relentless!

i have 3, I knew I wasn’t done at 2 however third was unplanned and a huge surprise! It’s been tough as he has adhd so things have changed way more than I expected tbh, and the older two get far less of me than I ever imagined. It’s true that you only have two hands and one set of eyes, so the mum guilt is extra tough when you have three kids in the park shouting for you to watch/push/help etc. I wouldn’t change it for the world, I love the chaos - but it is chaos. Three different personalities, likes/dislikes, trying to come up with weekend activities that keep everyone happy is a huge headache. If you have finances and a super supportive partner (mine wasn’t - we separated last year) then go for it (although I’m not sure the biological urge for more ever really goes away…).

“and I feel there is something special about the newborn stage with the confidence of a second time parent.”

Yes, there can be, but that stage lasts a few weeks. The baby stage as a whole is a year or so. Your whole post uses the word baby not child - you are talking about taking on a whole 18+ year commitment and responsibility to a third person, not just a third baby.

I’d have had ten babies very happily, but I had no desire to have a third toddler, preschooler or teen and neither did DH. Financially we could afford it and we had the space but medically it probably wouldn’t have been wise, I just didn’t have the emotional and mental resources for three children and my introverted and non chaotic self just didn’t want the big family, “they’re a tribe/gang” thing. So we stuck with two and never regretted it.

I’m 8 months pregnant with my third, so currently too early to say whether or not it’s a good idea. Doesn’t feel like such a great idea currently whilst working nights 😂.

We can afford a third and have the space, but otherwise it was very much a heart over head decision. I’m very excited to have the chance to see one more person develop and grow. I’m less excited about the laundry.

Everything is geared up for families of four it’s actually quite aggravating planning anything as a 5, especially now they’re older.
If I had a crystal ball I probably would’ve stopped at two but the biological urge won and of course I wouldn’t change it now :) I actually wish I had listened to my MIL (don’t tell her) and had a fourth so there wasn’t an odd number it would’ve been easier IMO. Our threes dynamic doesn’t work all that great

Go for it, it was the best choice I made I love having 3.

Only you can decide but around 4 years ago I had an actual physical pain i wanted a 3rd child so much. Hubby was always against it but we did try for one month. It didn't work and then he told me he didn't want to do it again. And at the time I was absolutely devastated. Literally the next day we had a family tragedy and it made me sit up and realise I should be so thankful for what we have. Now 4 years on I'm very happy with life. My kids are now 9 and 11 and we are moving into a new stage of life. We both have time for ourselves and live a very happy life. And I'm glad how things have turned out.

I have 3 and it’s definitely harder work than 2 and with living costs these days yes it’s really expensive. But I feel unbelievably lucky every day, they are just so much fun and the dynamic in the house is wonderful. All the downsides are nothing compared to the upsides.

i would make the decision based on resources ie money because as they grow up you really do have to multiply everything by 5 (eg go for coffee and a snack and it’s easy to get to almost £50 so that becomes a real occasional treat) but if you can afford it and your heart says yes then you can get past the other hurdles.

We went for it but are only 3 months in so we will see how it goes! Our situation is pretty different from yours though in lots of ways - all our kids are both mine and DH's, less money (by the sounds of things), larger age gaps between kids, and smaller house (3 bed and the two smallest rooms are both quite small).

Sooo can't really comment helpfully on your current set up.

Useless post I know, sorry!

I agree with this.

I would have one and I would put off nights out for a few years .
You can join a gym with a creche and put all three in and go for a sauna and lunch with a wine when you fancy couples time