AIBU to not want DP's Ex in my home

[kiana2015]

Can't stand DP's ex, we are nice to each other when we see each other but I really can't stand her, she's so full of herself, tried to tell DP what to do and boasts about everything. She will be coming next week to drop of their DD, first time she would have been to our new home. AIBU to say to DP I don't want her coming in the house? I know she will try to 'have a nose' but I can bare the 'oh I would have had this here', 'oh this room is smaller than mine' etc. am I being petty?

Try to rise above it. I've been there and know how hard it is but do it for his daughter's sake. It'll be nice for her to see the harmony.

I think it depends? No reason why she can't just drop off at door. However, if his DD says she wants to show her room to her it might be awkward to decline?

@kiana2015 it's your home so you can say you don't want her in the house, she has no right to be there, but some people on these threads will tell you oh u have to blahblahblah, the dsd can she yous getting on at the front door, she unfortunately has to realise that her mum and dad both have separate homes and they just can't go in to each other's.

Sorry but I think YABU. It’s not about you, but about your DP’s daughter. She should be able to show her mum where she’s staying. And you should be able to rise above it.

It's not just your house though is it, your DP and their child live there. I don't see the harm in inviting her in to see the child's bedroom.

Step-parent here.
We never got through the door of the ex's house when doing pick up or drop off. They would literally leave us on the doorstep no matter the weather. Answer the door, would say 'they'll be out in a minute' and close the door in our faces.
Until I went on my own one time. I was invited to stand in the kitchen or hallway. Polite conversation was made. Not sure if it was the kid's other step-parent who said that the ex wasn't allowed over the doorstep.
If the kid's other parent ever dropped or picked up we always asked them in. That said, I didn't actually care what they thought of me and my home.

Yanbu. I dislike my ex's new woman intensely, she has appalling values and I won't have her in our home.

But it's easy to arrange. On the two occasions in a year my ex has his son overnight, ds is always ready to be collected, and his bag is packed and on the drive outside the front door.

The first time ds had a zoom call with his dad during covid, the old witch was on the call saying "ooh is that your sitting room?" It was like having someone peering in the windows. The ghastly woman has no manners. After that, I set up each call with the background blurred. 😊

I would never dream of going in to his house, it's not my business. Ex comes into our home because he is there as ds' guest, but I usually make myself busy elsewhere.

It's understandable but it does sound a bit petty, yes.

If her opinion on your new home was so important, I'm sure you would've taken her with you to the viewing.

Ultimately, I'm a fan of doing what's best for the children and banning the child's mother from your house in case she voices an opinion, probably isn't best.

Your call though.

The child's feelings matter more than yours. Be the bigger person here.

YANBU for feeling like this. However you are YABVU if you act on this. You entered into a relationship with a man with a child so there needs to be some additional give and take. This seems like a minor annoyance rather than a major issue.

This is a good way of putting it ^^

If you intend to spend the rest of your life with the child's dad, she'll remember who was the bigger person and put her first, and who was the pettiest and didn't.

Find a more worthy hill to die on.

I do understand where everyone is coming from but their DD never asked for her mum to come into the old place she would just come in and bang on about herself, even her DD would roll her eyes. If she asked to show her mum I would of course say yes but this is also DP's time with his DD and doesn't need that time wasted by her making it all about herself

Why does the ex drop off DD? Can DP collect to avoid this?

How old is DD? Can DP meet her at the gate

I'd put in avoidance tactics.

She insists on dropping her off and DP bringing her home, usually so she can message him telling him out the dinner on now, bring her home now etc

Can you go out when she drops dd off, or ask partner to collect her.

Personally I'd show her round the once and then doorstep it after that.
Her daughter is staying there so it's not unusual for her to want to see it.
Saying no seems combative. So what if she'd put x item somewhere else? She's the only one who cares that her room is bigger. Let her think what she likes then shoo her out.
Putting up barriers gives her prominence. Not giving a toss about her opinion doesn't.

@kiana2015 meet her at the gate and say you are all in a rush to go out! i wouldnt have her in the house either!