Husband does very little to help me and I am starting to resent him. AIBU?

[Trikkinikki]

I have recently been quite ill with a virus that knocked me off my feet. I was very ill for just over 3 weeks. On top of that I have painful knees and hands due to arthritis.

I am retired and my husband works full time. He too suffers with arthritis but his is managed with immunosuppressants.

I get up every morning and make the drinks, do his breakfast, make his lunch and iron his clothes. I have done this since we got married 27 years ago, even though I worked as well as looking after our child. However, due to my recent illness and loss of mobility I am really struggling to do anything and yet my husband does very little to help me. He might make the drinks in the morning and sometimes does his breakfast but 9 times out of 10 I do it and I am getting more and more resentful towards him. If I mention my aches and pains or feeling of exhaustion he will tell me how much he is suffering too.

I cook dinner and wash up and he sits and watches tv.

i am struggling to enjoy being with him right now because I am in so much pain and feel so awful most of the time that I think I would be better living alone. He knows I am feeling very down and keeps telling me he loves me, but I just can’t stop this feeling of resentment because I feel that if he loved me so much then he would see I am struggling and help more.

A lot of this is my fault for always doing everything for him but I have always felt that it was my job to keep house and cook etc. He has never had to do anything.

AIBU for having this feeling of resentment towards him?

Sorry you're going through that, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd be feeling resentful too.
Is it possible that his aches and pains are making things difficult but he doesn't mention it until you do? Either way it sounds like you have to push through and he gets off easier.
Would you be open to looking into getting some extra help? Adult Social care may be able to provide some carers or arrange an OT assessment to look at equipment to make things easier to manage? Arthritis can be really debilitating but there will be some things that could go a way in making life a bit easier for you.

He sounds like one of those men you’ll have to just stop doing things for otherwise he will never get it, no amount of hinting etc is going to work. Starting tomorrow just don’t do stuff. If he asks why just say you’re in too much pain. And repeat. If he still doesn’t get it then you’ve got your answer - you’d be better off on your own.

He is too used to it.
27 years ingrained to believe you do everything
But just stop
From today
Order ready meals in like mindful chef ready meals and stop ironing. He wants ironed clothes he does it or says someone.
Stop making breakfast
Just make your own and tell him where the cereal is.
Tell him this has to change. Or he can hire a housekeeper.