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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS living illegally in USA

116 replies

WorriedFfamily · 24/01/2025 21:52

DSister met someone on Tinder and moved to The USA on a normal tourist visa (3 months I think it was?) in 2021 to see them. Fell in love and ended up staying illegally. They split up and DS started a relationship with and moved in with someone else. DS is still there illegally.

The current boyfriend works in immigration and seems to think that despite DS having been there illegally for a while now if they get married she can legally become an American citizen. DS has said she hasn't looked into it as she trusts boyfriend and he works with immigration and his firm are willing to support the application to become a legal citizen. DS has also said they have all the forms and just need to get married to start the process.

From my Googling it would seem they can get married but DS will have to leave and apply for citizenship from home (The UK). But then she'll be caught as an illegal when she's leaving so would she be allowed back into The US? I don't think she's even willing to leave anyway so that's all a bit moot.

DM and rest of family are so worried but don't know enough about becoming an American citizen. To me, this seems dodgy but DS will just get stroppy if we keep asking questions and say why can't you just be happy for me? Which yes we are as long as this gets sorted. Does anyone know the process, is it as easy as she's saying? I'm hoping if we're armed with the facts she might listen to us. Obviously the Trump administration could change everything anyway but as it stands is it really that easy to become a citizen as long as you marry an American? Are we being unreasonable to think it's not as easy as she seems to think?

OP posts:
WinterMorn · 24/01/2025 21:56

This has disaster written all over it. How has she supported herself since moving there? Or accessed medical care?

HeddaGarbled · 24/01/2025 21:58

What difference does it make whether she listens to you or not? What will happen will happen and you can’t change it. You’ve had your say, now let her get on with it.

Original poster
WorriedFfamily · 24/01/2025 22:00

Luckily she hasn't needed medical care but that's only a matter of time isn't it? She worked cash in hand at a laundromat for a bit but currently lives on sporadic handouts from DF and I guess her partner. She'll pick up odd jobs like home help type stuff but that's quite few and far between and seems to be getting rarer so it's mostly DF handouts and just living off partner. It's a shit show!

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 24/01/2025 22:01

I understand that you are worried and would like her situation to be more settled, but I think you have to accept there is nothing you can do to make an adult in another country do as you are telling them.

trappedbytrans · 24/01/2025 22:01

When she leaves, it will be apparent she overstayed. Even if they allow her to leave without penalty, returning will be almost impossible because she has abused the system in the past.

(This is from personal knowledge of an identical case three years ago.)

Original poster
WorriedFfamily · 24/01/2025 22:02

HeddaGarbled · 24/01/2025 21:58

What difference does it make whether she listens to you or not? What will happen will happen and you can’t change it. You’ve had your say, now let her get on with it.

Well we're after advice I guess. If what DS is saying is true then we can stop worrying but we need to know if there's a chance this will work out or not because DM is worried and I hate seeing her like this

OP posts:
titchy · 24/01/2025 22:06

Well if she is happy to never leave the US, work cash in hand, rely on her dp financially and for housing, and doesn't have any children with him, she may well get away with it if she keeps her head down and doesn't come to the attention of the authorities.

Otherwise - she'll be fucked. I hope she doesn't get pregnant...

Overtheatlantic · 24/01/2025 22:07

I would be surprised if this man marries her. Is she young and beautiful? In any event, no, she won’t be able to stay and get married unless her bf is very rich and powerful.

Rocksaltrita · 24/01/2025 22:07

Really? She’s managed to stay there all that time and never come to the attention of the authorities? Hasn’t needed any medical care, had a smear, hasn’t needed to leave for a funeral in the UK, hasn’t had a bank account or a driver’s license? Interesting…

Confrontayshunme · 24/01/2025 22:09

Overstaying nearly 4 years means she could face a lifetime re-entry ban. She needs an immigration lawyer and a good one, and she needs to make sure she isn't getting married just for a visa as they will look very unfavourably on that.

PreferMyAnimals · 24/01/2025 22:10

Of course you're concerned. I would be too. She's an adult though and, as long as you've said your piece and reminded her of the risks, she'll just have to deal with whatever consequences come about. It doesn't sound like there's anything you can do.

Soonenough · 24/01/2025 22:11

Overstaying her tourist visa could have serious consequences for her . Plus never paying taxes because of cash in hand jobs .She needs to talk to an immigration lawyer. It's not impossible especially if she has someone willing to sponsor her . One way is to get to Canada and apply from there or she may have to spend time in the UK .

Confrontayshunme · 24/01/2025 22:12

Also there is NO way she can become a citizen for a long time. She may be able to get permanent reaidence, but that has to be lawful for three years and they would have to overlook that she broke the law by staying so long. Some illegal aliens can never become citizens due to their immigration history.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/01/2025 22:15

I have been wondering about the son of old friends (now in their 80s) of my parents- he moved to LA in 1990 and has never been 'legal' as far as his parents know. He has had lots of jobs gardening and in garden centres but must be about 60 now. Has never married. Is gay. Never been home since because he says he would not get back into the US, although his parents have gone out there several times. I saw him when I was out there in 2000 and 2003. He's lovely but has had alcohol issues at times and has moved around a lot. Been there coming up to 35 years. Will he now somehow have been given a 'green card' on that basis? After a period of time do you become 'legal'?

RawBloomers · 24/01/2025 22:16

I was under the impression that if she came into the country legally (which it sounds like she did) and just overstayed, then on marrying a US citizen she could apply for a green card and from there stay in the US long enough to apply for citizenship.

Lots of undocumented immigrants do marry US citizens and become citizens themselves, so I certainly think there is reason to think there is a route for your DSis somehow. If you really want advice, though, you need to talk to a lawyer who specializes in US immigration. You have no idea who you're talking to on the Internet, how honest or knowledgeable (in the legal sense) they are about their experiences or how relevant their experience will be to your sister's situation. The legal situation changes a lot as it's a politically sensitive area and with Trump having just come into office changes can be expected again.

verycloakanddaggers · 24/01/2025 22:16

WorriedFfamily · 24/01/2025 22:02

Well we're after advice I guess. If what DS is saying is true then we can stop worrying but we need to know if there's a chance this will work out or not because DM is worried and I hate seeing her like this

Show quote history

You can't be reassured because until it is resolved it is unresolved and that is not a good position to be in.

But you also are not responsible for any of this. Your DSis is an adult, you can't fix this.

Obviously you would prefer your DM was not worried but you can't fix that either.

Ingles2 · 24/01/2025 22:17

I overstayed my visa many years ago and had a lot of friends at the time who did the same. A few got citzenship through the green card amnesty scheme. Is this something she could look into?

soupfiend · 24/01/2025 22:17

Why cant she just come back to the UK and apply from there

However what she does is her choice, she'll have to live with the consequences

And bless the naivety of the previous poster asking about not having a funeral or not having a bank account or drivers licence!! Not everyone has funerals to go to and how do you think people live under the radar

If she's white OP no one will be that bothered probably.

wordler · 24/01/2025 22:17

WorriedFfamily · 24/01/2025 21:52

DSister met someone on Tinder and moved to The USA on a normal tourist visa (3 months I think it was?) in 2021 to see them. Fell in love and ended up staying illegally. They split up and DS started a relationship with and moved in with someone else. DS is still there illegally.

The current boyfriend works in immigration and seems to think that despite DS having been there illegally for a while now if they get married she can legally become an American citizen. DS has said she hasn't looked into it as she trusts boyfriend and he works with immigration and his firm are willing to support the application to become a legal citizen. DS has also said they have all the forms and just need to get married to start the process.

From my Googling it would seem they can get married but DS will have to leave and apply for citizenship from home (The UK). But then she'll be caught as an illegal when she's leaving so would she be allowed back into The US? I don't think she's even willing to leave anyway so that's all a bit moot.

DM and rest of family are so worried but don't know enough about becoming an American citizen. To me, this seems dodgy but DS will just get stroppy if we keep asking questions and say why can't you just be happy for me? Which yes we are as long as this gets sorted. Does anyone know the process, is it as easy as she's saying? I'm hoping if we're armed with the facts she might listen to us. Obviously the Trump administration could change everything anyway but as it stands is it really that easy to become a citizen as long as you marry an American? Are we being unreasonable to think it's not as easy as she seems to think?

As long as she entered legally - tourist visa or ESTA then she should be able to apply for a change of status and apply for permanent residence status which results in a green card if she marries an American citizen.

But she absolutely must not leave the country before the green card is in hand. If she leaves then she has become an overstayer and will face a ban before being able to return to the US.

But this is not the time to be delaying on this with the current administration.

She needs to get married ASAP - like today. And then as soon as possible file the paperwork for an adjustment of status. The application may take 8-10 months but as soon as it’s lodged she becomes ‘legal’ until a decision is made. If she applied for a temporary work permit - an EAD I think it’s called with the initial paperwork she may even get a work permit within three months to enable her to work legally while she waits for the decision on her greencard.

TheCrenchinglyMcQuaffenBrothers · 24/01/2025 22:19

Surely the BF is risking his job once this comes to light?

Lovelyview · 24/01/2025 22:20

I worked with someone who had previously outstayed a tourist visa in the US then come back to the UK for some time. She decided she wanted to go back to the US and proposed marriage to an old friend in the US seemingly to get a visa/green card. She got an immigration lawyer to help her with her application which was approved. So it can be done. I'd just leave her to it op.

RawBloomers · 24/01/2025 22:20

LuluBlakey1 · 24/01/2025 22:15

I have been wondering about the son of old friends (now in their 80s) of my parents- he moved to LA in 1990 and has never been 'legal' as far as his parents know. He has had lots of jobs gardening and in garden centres but must be about 60 now. Has never married. Is gay. Never been home since because he says he would not get back into the US, although his parents have gone out there several times. I saw him when I was out there in 2000 and 2003. He's lovely but has had alcohol issues at times and has moved around a lot. Been there coming up to 35 years. Will he now somehow have been given a 'green card' on that basis? After a period of time do you become 'legal'?

No. You don't get a green card just from having lived in the US for a long time. There have been occasional amnesties, but not for decades. Along with millions of others, he will still, most likely, be an undocumented immigrant.

BabysittersClub · 24/01/2025 22:22

Rocksaltrita · 24/01/2025 22:07

Really? She’s managed to stay there all that time and never come to the attention of the authorities? Hasn’t needed any medical care, had a smear, hasn’t needed to leave for a funeral in the UK, hasn’t had a bank account or a driver’s license? Interesting…

My SIL has lived in the USA illegally since before I met my dh in 1999. I'm not sure exactly his long. She has dc of 25 and 21. They were born in a private hospital.

She 'couldn't be bothered' to apply for citizenship when Obama had an amnesty.

DreamingOfASilentNight · 24/01/2025 22:25

A family friend went on a trip to America, overstayed, worked cash bar jobs, stayed for years, met a man, got pregnant, got engaged and got married and is now American. She never left the country which was key to being allowed to remain. This was quite a few years ago so things may have changed, but certainly was possible.

Poppyseeds79 · 24/01/2025 22:25

Yes, she can apply for 'overstay forgiveness', especially if they are getting married. I wouldn't worry OP, she's an adult.

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