Dd cries when dad is around

[Ionasmum19]

So this has been happening for around a week now. My dd is 5, is non verbal and has developmental delays, and every time her dad comes home from work, or I am having a conversation with her dad, she will cry, like full on crying. I don't have any worries that anything untoward has happened when he has been alone with her, as he is a fantastic dad. It is driving a wedge in our relationship as every time we try have a general chat she gets upset. It gets that bad that I will take her to her bedroom to play and she will calm down when it's just us. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and I feel so bad for her dad.

Has anything changed about his appearance or anything he wears? I'm asking because my child is autistic and things that change can be really difficult for them. They don't like certain textures and hairstyles or growing a beard, changing glasses etc. Especially with someone who they have a strong mental picture of, this change in appearance would be distressing. Being so young and non verbal makes it tricky to know what is happening.

Not that I can think of, things just seem the same as usual. Its so strange as it just started randomly. Tough that she can't tell us what's bothering her

OP I think if you posted on one of the parenting boards eg the one for SN children (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs) or for development (www.mumsnet.com/talk/behaviour_development) you might get more relevant advice?

Thank you I'll do that 😊

...s i was posting that i see the first reply to you was actually very well informed! 😁

It might be that your child is feeling like he is taking your attention from her, especially with you saying it happens when you are talking together.

Maybe you could try parallel play, to try and normalise him being around her. So she doesn't see him as "a threat".

By this I mean having your husband being in the same room and pretend "playing" with something that your child likes. He doesn't make eye contact or look at your daughter but after a while, he could start talking about what he's doing as he's playing.

That's a good idea, we will give that a try, thank you!

You are welcome and I hope you're able to get to the bottom of it. It's really difficult for both of you and it makes you feel horrible when you're not sure what is wrong. Our child is now a young adult and we understand more about the things that cause problems for them. Nobody can eliminate the triggers or sensitivities and there's been plenty of difficult times too but it does get a bit easier. Here's a massive hug from one Mum to another. 🤗

I know its so difficult! Ah thank you so much ❤️

It's possible that she sees him as taking your attention away from her. Or it could be that his voice (deeper male voice) is upsetting her? Has he tried coming in and just being quiet around her for 10/15 minutes before interacting quietly? Maybe it's the transition that is bothering her. How is she when one on one with him? If her main attachment is to you, can he try spending a bit more time looking after her while you nip out for half and hour or go for a bath or something?