To think it would be impossible to return full time?

[firstbabyfirsttimemum]

I’m considering my flexible working request for my RTW after mat leave. DH works shifts, sometimes 4 in a row or less commonly 5. His shift pattern includes days, nights and weekends.

I have an office 9-5 type role. I didn’t want to return full time anyway and always hoped to go back part time. But, AIBU in thinking it would be extremely hard to work anything close to full time hours in our case in any event? My work isn’t too near to home and I would be the default emergency contact. We’d have zero family time some weeks, be ships that pass and sometimes go nearly a week without seeing each other (or briefly for 20 mins at the end of each day) if I were to resume full time hours. At least with part time I would have a couple of days off so more chance of aligning with DH days off, especially on the times he is working weekends.

I'd consider 4 days spread across five for shorter days to allow for pick up and drop off - although this depends somewhat on your commute.

I can usually do one or two days a week WFH but when I am out, commute can take up to 50 minutes each way in peak times.

It would be possible if you had to for financial reasons, but I wouldn’t like that set up, no.

Technically financially we’d be more flush if I worked more but what’s the point if you are stretched so thinly and have such limited time to spend it in!

Your husband's schedule of switching shifts in the same week is awful and very, very hard on the body.

Can he go to straight shifts?

Then presuming your nursery is 8-6, that's going to be quite tight and very stressful. I'd want to drop some hours to allow for travel at either end of the day to allow for your office days.

But this is a separate point from dropping days entirely. Could you make it work financial to drop days and hours to allow for drop off and pick up? Would your work likely agree to you cutting down so much?

I have one at nursery and work 4 days - 2 in the office and 2 at home. My office days are long, I do the drop off and get to work between 9.30am and 9.45am. But I generally stay late, sometimes very late, and DH does pick up. Or, I leave at 4.45pm and log back on in the evenings, which can be a bit grim. But I am lucky to have so much flexibility.

It’s not usually in the same week, so one week would be 4 nights, then a couple days off then 2 days 2 nights, etc. His couple of days off probably wouldn’t align with mine if I was full time so we could theoretically go weeks without a matching day off

If you can afford to reduce your hours, definitely do, but make sure your DH does some drop off and pick up’s when he is off

Oh he definitely will. He is going to see if he can fix a day off too, which would help

Can your husband put in a flexible working request for set shifts so it's easier to plan round him?

This is temporary.
If you reduce your hours then by the time you go back your earning potential is reduced (assuming it’s just a standard office job based on your 8-5). It’s the motherhood penalty.
Brutally, most women who become mothers have to make this decision, unlike fathers. I would heartily recommend just sucking it up, even if you reduce your family time. Most of us do. Your child won’t even remember it and hopefully your marriage will be fine as you will be keeping your career up and bringing in more money.
I did and now I earn significantly more and my kids appreciate that I can buy them whatever and we have a good standard of living.

I get that but childcare is expensive anyway and they are only little once

I would ask for compressed hours and if it's an office open then 2 days wfh which will reduce commutes.

Your dh needs to change his work pattern, it shouldn't all be on you.

Going part-time doesn't necessarily mean your future earning potential is reduced, although it almost certainly varies between sectors. I know someone who took 10 years out altogether, and although they took a lower-ranking part-time job when they first returned, they worked up to senior management (so higher than they'd been before) with a few years of returning.

If you can stay in your current job but part-time, then even if promotion isn't an option for the time-being, you'll be able to apply for full-time work when you're ready, and you won't have any less experience than you have now.

Whilst I understand that some people feel they have no option, you're right that your children are only little once. Pension age is 68, so you've lots of time to climb the career ladder yet. If you can afford it, then you're unlikely to regret spending more time with your family.

Ask your partner to consider a flexible working request such as set shifts, or both drop 1 day, for example.

I'd take the time with my children over money any day, but the responsibility should be shared (coming from a person who's husband won't even ASK for flexible working because apparently nobody does this in his industry.... (So??)).

But yes you can always earn more later in life, I got a promotion after mat leave and am now part time for a similar wage I had before full time. So worry about the now - if you can afford PT I say do it.

If you wanted to work as close to full time as possible you could even just drop 1 hour a day, work 9-4, drop off at nursery (ours opens 7:30) and collect afterwards, would give you plenty of time to get to work and then plenty of time to get there for pick up (ours closes at 6:30).

Rather than reducing your hours, or even making any changes to your work, if your goal is to get a day off together each week you’d be best off seeing if your partner can fix his day off as a Saturday or Sunday.

If he can’t fix a day off then reducing your hours doesn’t really help you get a day off together if that day changes weekly because you can’t change your non-working day each week and you can’t usually change a nursery day weekly, you choose your days and stick to them (or still have to pay if you’re not going to send the child).

Thank you. This is all so true