To not buy my mum cigarettes?

[Couldbysunny]

With her money.
She wants me to go out and get cigarettes for her. She also asks my DH. She gives her bank card to us to pick up other shopping for her which I am happy to do.
She's a lifelong chain smoker. However she has just come out of hospital due to pneumonia turning into sepsis and having a pulmonary embolism.
She was in 3 weeks and almost died.
This happened last winter as well and she was in 6 weeks.
Both times the doctors have told her that if she carries on smoking she will die.
Her oxygen levels and her blood pressie are very bad.
She also has MS and is in a wheelchair.
She said she was going to stop but is now just smoking again. Only been out of hospital a week. She won't take some of the neds she's been given eother. She's an intelligent woman but she lives in a fantasy world sometimes. She's talking about going on a trip round the world.. she can barely stand. She says she doesn't want to die. She was very upset the doctor had written 'resuscitation not advised' on her notes. She's so physically frail but she won't actually do anything suggested to rectify it. She pretends it's not happening and as a result is deteriorating.
I'm very worried about her.
Of course I know she will still get hold of cigarettes if I refuse to buy them for her. She has neighbours and friends who do shopping for her if she asks.. and when the weather is decent and she's well enough she can get to the local shops herself.
So I know its kind of pointless refusing.
But I hate doing it. I feel like I'm killing her. AIBU to tell her I can't do it?

Quite possibly, but we're talking about the OP's present situation, not an ideal future world.

If your mum wants to kill herself, that’s her (selfish) business. She’s out of order asking you to facilitate that.

We are talking about the OPs situation. We've just effectively accepted the massive harm that smoking does - so why would one be complicit in subjecting a family member to that harm?

I wouldn't hand my daughter a knife so she could cut herself with it so I can't fathom why anyone would hand anyone else cigarettes.

Is your mum on palliative care ? I don’t mean to sound harsh x x

I haven't said the OP should buy the cigarettes. I simply said that comparing it to buying cannabis or cocaine for her mum wasn't an effective argument against buying them.

With her health being 66 yo is a lot. Sorry.
Her plans are dreams. Nothing more.
she is a grown up. As hard as it is it's her life and choices.

I would not buy cigarettes no way. I could not collude in that way. Vapes yes, cigarettes no way.

I am in a very similar situation and do the same as you, OP. I accept she will go ahead and buy the tobacco, she has capacity, it's her right to do so. However, I can also exercise my own judgment and boundaries and refuse to participate. She's now in a round of endless consultant appointments, A&E, GP visits and admissions, all for smoking related cardiac & respiratory disease. All are my job to support with both practically and emotionally as she can't manage transport, she's a loner and I'm an only child. Plus I'm an HCP so it's doubly expected that I'll just suck it up. I love her and respect her right to choose but it's hard not to be resentful about it sometimes when we get home and she lights up again.

My parents both died early due to smoking, at 62 and 73. I always refused to buy them cigarettes whenever they asked.

Could you get her a vape. That will be far better than cigarettes. Not ideal but an alternative.

My mum refuses to buy me my fags. I think she did so once when I was really very incapacitated.
But you have every right to refuse.
She can get them delivered with her normal supermarket shopping?
Tell her if she switches to vaping or nicotine replacement products you'll happily pick those up for her! I'm a smoker and I think asking non smokers to get your fags is a bit out of order. Especially If you're unwell. As it makes them feel like an enabler.