Do you think everything you need to deal with bad stuff is inside you?

[ByHonestDog]

I’ve been thinking about how I handle challenges and hardships. Some say that we all have the tools we need within us to face bad situations - whether it’s resilience, strength, or problem-solving skills. But is that really true?

What about external factors like support systems, therapy, or even just luck? Can we truly rely on ourselves to navigate everything life throws at us or is that an overly simplistic view?

AIBU to wonder if self-reliance is enough or do we sometimes need more than what’s already ‘inside us’ to get through the tough stuff?

I have been through every dm's worst nightmare and you have no choice but to battle through.. Being able to compartmentalise is something I never dreamt I could do.... Not sure I would be still going either mentally or physically if I couldn't... Must be a life preservation technique that kicks in when absolutely necessary...
So yes we sure can get through THE worst times...

Definitely not; you need a support system and that’s where a lot of people struggle. Take away our support and a lot of people will make bad choices and end up in a mess. That’s often shown when someone loses someone important to them

You never know how you're going to cope when something traumatic happens

A lot of the time the pain is too great nothing and no one can help. Only time

Other times it helps to talk to either friends and family

or a professional or the Samaritans on the phone where you can open up and really talk it through without feeling at all restricted

For some they need something to take their minds off it, others need to hide under their duvets.

Some need strong medication

I think some circumstances are rare and so horrific that no one can really comprehend how damaged and hurt your brain is from the utter trauma you've gone through. Trauma where you want to gauge your brain and eyes out because you can't cope with the savage horror

So I think at first no

But in time you learn ways

Everyday crappy situations we learn to take a deep breath and not sweat the small stuff and rise above the rest

Depending on the situation

Some situations are just unfair and frustrating so you have to learn to grit your teeth

I think, certainly in my case, it's a big dollop of luck. I'm lucky to have the kind of mental health that's allowed me to live with the consequences of trauma, and a solid support system (family) to help me as well.

I had my 12 month "mot"recently, and one of the questions I was asked was if I felt depressed or anxious. I replied that I hadn't and had always felt really lucky to have had robust mental health all my life, so far.

Yes, but for some of us we need an exterior support system - that may consist of family, friends, colleagues and other professionals in order to help us access those internal abilities in order to survive. However you have to be willing to ask for, or accept the help to do so.
Then there are those that can rely on themselves … until they can’t. People are fundamentally individual, what causes someone immense problems may not do so to the next person.

Part of it is knowing when and where to seek help, not just being totally self reliant. Some people are better at it than others, like anything else, genetics, upbringing, circumstances.

But when you look at what people have survived - the holocaust, war zones etc, it shows what people really can get through (although not without long term effects)

No. People say that to try and reassure you / make you feel better about yourself/ encourage you that you'll get through it, but in reality if everyone could cope with the shit life throws at us, then we'd have far less mental health illness. A certain amount of people suffering from anxiety and depression do so, because they can't cope when life throws a curved ball, some curved balls might be a small curve some might be a right angle. Some people might cope with a gentle curve, some people might not. Some people might cope with a full on curve and cope, others might not. We all have different coping strategies.
I think resilience (which I think is what you are really talking about) can't be taught, so much is down to genetics, and biology (hormones can really throw things out of whack), and I don't think it's easy to override your genetic makeup without an enormous amount of help, and even then support doesn't always work. Similarly medication might sort out one set of hormone related anxieties, but side effects can then result in a different set.
I was extremely resilient until my bloody thyroid decided to go nuclear, and I felt like a cat on a hot tin room 24/7. It was only when it was finally removed and I started on thyroxin I realised just how bad my mental health had become. I'm now pretty resilient again, but it's made me appreciate just how much we're at the mercy of our hormones and genetics.

The brain and the psyche is still massively misunderstood. Hopefully one day science will find the answers.

Life sometimes requires us to dig very deep within ourselves.

Some of us have to do it on our own. You learn how.

@KittenPause
I agree that somethings are just so horrific that to go forward we do need support and meds too. I feel I am quite resilient however when faced with an extreme situation I am grateful that I was given all the help I was and can’t imagine how I would have been now without it.