Me Vs The Household

[MRSDR1985]

Hello I am having problems at home and I need advice. In this story I have been silly and I know I have put myself in this mess.
Me and my partner have been together 3 years most of that has been a happy time. They had 4 children when we met one of the children was severely disabled and had the be taken into care. Social services were involved Long story short We have been through a incredible amount in our short time together We had a baby together and I moved in. They don't communicate with me very well, the family talks behind my back, we have members of the family around us all the time even staying in the house every night so I can't ever talk about things with them. I'm finding it hard to raise my child and put ideas forward. The other children that aren't my children are swearing and left to their own devices without much guidance despite every effort from me to give them good advice and be a parent figure to them, even taking them out and spending time with them. My coparent also has a court order we have had to go back to court with a previous partner they had the willingly break it and it seems don't want it to work. my partner does not work and when I moved in we had to declare we are a couple now I'm in a situation where I work long hours while they don't. they are always complaining about how life is unfair for them how I have much more than what they do and I am made to feel bad. Etc etc... now they want all of my money exact words "what do you need money for" in a full blown row they have said I'm a alcoholic now I like a drink same as anyone but I'm not out of control. they want a joint account to see where everything is going. I've been threatened that if I go the baby they have had with me will stay with them. My life went from being bright and slowly everything is now being taken away from me and they expect me to think that is normal and I should be grateful... I feel so poorly about the situation I'm in I feel suicidal and I shouldn't feel this way?? I don't know what to do let this carry on and hope for the best.... Or ultimately end it (relationship wise)... I am in a relationship for the sake of my child and I can't see no way out. I've been pressured not to see my friends. I've been pressured to feel badly about my family.it feels like they are gradually taking over my life.
Any advice will be great fully taken whatever it is
Many thanks 🙏 ❤️

You get out. You don't agree to a joint account, you take your baby and you leave. Speak to your family and your own friends. Speak to women's aid, but don't let your partner know what's happening until you are away.

You put your child first and move out.

And, regardless of how much you like a drink, don’t drink at all for a year or two while you’re sorting all this out - don’t give them any opportunity to find anything to pick you apart over.

I agree with @nonevernotever to speak with Women’s Aid and the council and anyone else you need to speak with, but not your partner.

For the benefit of the situation I am the other gender I've changed a few details and if you notice I have put they just incase this is ever seen.

For the benefit of the situation I am the other gender I've changed a few details and if you notice I have put they just incase this is ever seen.

It's not clear at all who is male or female but regardless you need to get out of there.

I am male I will delete this comment. But I cannot leave my baby in there

This "relationship " is not sustainable so you have to leave. Apply to the courts for your child but be prepared that you will only get 50/50. However a safe, calm and loving environment is better 50% of the time compared to 0.

It doesn't sound like a good situation for your child to be growing up in. You have every right to take your child with you (assuming you are on the birth certificate?) go to family and your partner will need to apply through the courts for contact.

I am on the birth certificate I am the father

.

Leave, this is not a good situation. And like the others have said, apply for joint custody so you can have quality time with your child away from this situation.

Leave and take your baby. You know that person doesn't have the gumption to fight for your child.

Definitely leave , do you have family that will support you? Could you move in with them temporarily? You have a job so that’s good and you’d be able to private rent. At a minimum you’d get 50/50 shared care but you could potentially get more I’m not sure. Sounds like you & your child would be much happier away from this situation.

Take your baby and leave. This woman has already had a child removed by social services and her other children are running wild. Why on earth you became involved in this shit show is beyond comprehension. Get yourself and your child out and let her take you to court for contact.

Thank you for all your comments 🙏

Oh and the fact that you are a man doesn't change most of my advice . The only change would be to substitute a men's domestic abuse support line for women's aid. I would also back up and keep any texts etc you have demonstrating attempts at coercive control or financial control, both of which are suggested by your post.

There is probably another side to this story that says: my high earning boyfriend moved in with me, I lost all my benefits, he doesn't give me any money, and now I am stuck - unable to work with a newborn/disabilities, and unable to clothe my children. Regardless, the advice would be the same.

The relationship has broken down, get out, work towards 50/50 when the baby is old enough to be separated from its mum more.

Okay I hear you. but I pay for car, petrol Tax and insurance most of which benefits them and not me. I earn £19000 a year according to my last tax statement. Also what they take from thier benefits I give back to her.why should I be left with nothing and 1/5 children are mine.
I suppose the only thing we have in common now is our baby.

I give them around 70% of my salary perhaps more on occasion

I think she saw you coming and you have been a bit naive getting dragged into this and being expected to provide for them all, whilst having no respect or say by the sounds of it. You have parental rights - separate and fight for your child.

The baby probably needs to be with Mum most of the time at the moment, but you would have access if you separated and the chance of sharing residency later. If you believe that your child isn't safe in the family home at the moment, you need to involve social services who would also look at your drinking.
Hope you manage to sort something out.

I'm sorry to hear this - sounds like an awful situation for you!

I think you need to do what's best for you and your child.

You got involved with someone with significant baggage and brought a baby into this mess. Time to get out.

Do you and your DP have equal spending money left over after all the bills and household costs are paid? For a low income family on benefits, one person keeping 30% of their salary for spends seems too much tbh. I'd expect all the money coming into the household to be spent on family expenses.

Run. Threatening to keep the baby would be final straw for me.