Am I going crazy - feel like there is something with his ex

[Quackquackboris]

I’ve been with my BF for 12 months, I know that’s not a particularly long amount of time, but I love him and we have a wonderful relationship. We are the same age but life stages slightly different but we handle it really well, and I have a DC who I share 50/50 custody of but he has no children.

Anyway, before me he had a GF of almost 2 years, they were broken up about 6 months when we started dating. He never really told me why they broke up or anything but neither of us really talk about our exes. I’ve never really felt like there was anything to worry about and I do trust him.

Last weekend we went to a wedding of one of his friends, he told me in advance his ex would be there and I didn’t really care. Now this is the part that will sound crazy, the whole day they were making eye contact or one of them was looking at the other. She was one row and diagonally in front of us for the ceremony and every time I looked at him, he was looking at her. At dinner I kept catching them making really intense eye contact, I don’t how to explain it but it was like they couldn’t not look at one and other and it was that look of lust/love if you know what I mean.

I asked him about it after and he was like I wasn’t looking at her, and if I was it’s just because it’s the first time I’ve seen her since we broke up. I don’t want to come across like a loony so I just let it drop. But I’ve been thinking about it non stop since.

I then decided to see if he still has her on socials and he follows her on instagram and TikTok (he follows 76 people on insta and 53 on TikTok so it’s not like he follows loads of people).

Am I going crazy? AIBU to think there is something there? Maybe they aren’t over each other or something??

It’s hard to know if there is any substance to your concerns, but I’d try to talk to him about it again. If you trust him you shouldn’t be this worried.

Without knowing more details it’s hard to say but it seems the reoccurring issue here is lack of communication.

You haven’t talked properly about previous relationships and why they ended etc.

You need to make it clear that you’re feeling a little confused and vulnerable after the wedding and you need him to be open and clear about how he feels.

Your gut has picked something and flagged it. Please don't brush it under the carpet.

Maybe it is simply that they are in a wider circle; that they have not seem each other in a social setting and curiosity 🤔 but it's red flag central to capture the side glances and eye contact from both sides.

He won't be truthful when you challenge this, because he won't be acknowledging it to himself yet, never mind you. So there will be some gaslighting (oh it was nothing, you're imagining it blah blah), you know what you saw, you want to know what it means.

I'd be making clear that i won't tolerate cheating, if he has 2nd thoughts and wants to revisit, that's fine, but upfront and above board. You cannot help who you have feelings for, he needs to be honest with you now, and in the coming weeks.

Trust your gut!!

I'd probably use this as the shooting off point to discuss the break ups. I think whenever theirs a void of information it's natural to storytell and fill it and that's why you're thinking so much about it. But you can fix it by communicating and talking to each other so it's not so much of a mystery. Something like:

"Can we talk about your ex? I've been thinking about how intensely you both were looking at each other and I can't shake this uncomfortable feeling. It felt intense to me and so it's been on my mind. I think because I know so little about her and the breakup. I'd appreciate being able to fill in some gaps. Can we talk about it please? I'm happy to share some of my breakup horror stories as well if it helps..."

If your gut tells you there's something going on, you are probably right.

Did they interact at all in any other way? I think I personally would have found it more comfortable if they had said a quick “Hi” and you’d been introduced?

Honestly, I'd be tempted to say "forget about it" because you either trust him or you don't. If you ask him more about it, your gut and your feelings won't go away, they'll pick up on something else "that answer didn't make sense, he looked at the ground so he must be lying, he said they were together 2 yrs but it was actually 2 yrs 6 mths etc etc etc"
Ask yourself if anything he says will put you at more ease, genuinely. I suspect the only thing you'll accept is him saying he's not over her/he's been cheating.
I think you can either choose trust or choose distrust, and any snooping, questioning or discussions will only make you more curious and more distrustful. I found a hair bobble down an exes sofa once, he claimed it was mine. Nothing he said could convince me he hadn't had another woman there, I never wore hair bobbles (i thought) and i didnt recognise it. A few months later I found a whole pack of identical ones in my medicine cabinet, pretty sure now that it was mine. Ultimately, even if he'd produced that pack at the time, I wouldn't have believed him.
If thers something that'll put your mind at rest then ask,but in my experience once you walk down that path you don't come back.
Don't get me wrong, it's odd behaviour, and maybe he's not totally over her, but he chose you and he's with you - and either you trust that or you don't.

Seems to be a lack of trust here.

I think you need to see that your partner has feelings, he was probably overcome with emotions seeing his ex for the first time, he probably wouldn't even be able to put it into words what was going on in his head. But he probably hasn't given her a second thought since.

Just continue to trust him, he hasn't given you a reason not too And enjoy this man you love. You deserve that 😌

I’m not sure. They probably felt really awkward and kept an eye on eachother?

It would wind me up and actually something similar happened to me years ago with my dh at a social gathering with his ex.
Nothing else happened of course just he looked at her too much in my opinion. It’s unnerving.

I would approach your partner and ask why he is following his ex?

It would help if you knew why they split. I would have a frank and calm chat about it.

I think probably looking at each other out of of curiosity because they hadn't seen each other in a while, don't worry about it

There's a reason you feel uneasy about this situation, a reason you felt uncomfortable with it and a reason you can let it go.

I would chat to him about this if I was you but don't ignore the gut feelings trust me!

I would run. Sorry. They are ex s and why give each other the look?