“Outing” your children’s disabilities in the media is wrong

[mummy1970abc]

I think it is wrong. It is not your right to “out” your child’s medical “history” to the public.

I have a real problem with this. Firstly, my experience could be used to further the cause for many SEND children and parents, I am champing at the bit to tell everyone exactly what has happened to my kids..
but I won’t.. because I know it may have repercussions for them when they grow up..
And it’s not my story to tell..
if they want to tell the world their story - it’s up to them and they can, and I will support them.
i love the fact that celebs are out there championing the cause.. but I hate the fact that they are naming their kids (without their consent)

what are your thoughts?

I agree. There needs to be far greater protections for children in the media (including social media) in general.

I don't think you should be allowed to post photographs of children on a social media account that isn't set to private.

We need a bit rethink.

I don't think you should be allowed to post them at all.

It's never ever done for the child's benefit, no matter how much the parents often pretend it is.

Is it really worth kissing goodbye to the 'private' photos of children, just so the parents can bask in the 'Gawjuss hun' comments and likes and love hearts?

I think it is slightly different for celebrities because their children are visible, and if they have significant disabilities this will become known whether the celebrity acknowledges it or not. So unless they want to retreat from public life, which in itself might attract attention, they may prefer to manage how the information becomes known.

I hate this on say Facebook. I know far too much about a neighbour's kids neurodiversity thanks to their mum telling everyone alllllll about it. I no longer go on FB but the knowledge is there.

Sometimes the disability is obvious and it is more the case of being respectful when talking about your child.

I find it very uncomfortable when parents are featured on news stories and they have their children sat next to them while they’re talking about all the issues they have - it doesn’t sit right with me 🤷‍♀️

@TheYearOfSmallThings sort of true but actually LOADS of celebrities have kids that the public know almost nothing about - because their parents have behaved as parents rather than as celebrities with kids.
I agree with you 100% @mummy1970abc. Its very wrong and in years to come........ there are going to be a lot of lawsuits - particularly from kids whose parents documented their every move (conception, birth and everything onwards - the onset of puberty, periods, purchasing a bra......) as vloggers. Its incredibly damaging and abusive. Kids are not able to give consent. Parents of kids with special needs (eg non verbal, brain damaged, low iq etc) are particularly bad because those kids are even less able to say no and escape being filmed. And also that sort of abuse often continues when they become adults.

The problem is that these stories need to be told.. and our English celebrities really do need to talk about them (I say English because of the English law send crisis). Because our celebs get media attention..
But they are undermining their children’s rights to privacy.

They can be told.......... without featuring the child in the video. Or any of their personal details.

Mrs Hinch seemed to go from showing off her cleaning to posting about her sons medical diagnosis. It seems wrong to me.

I agree. I'm friends with people on FB who are constantly checking into the local hospital with status posts saying "Here we go again. Back at hospital for Bobby's [insert condition] tests"
Imagine future employers weighing up between 2 candidates and thinking "won't give him the job, he'll be off sick all the time"

Would people actually listen though? I feel (rightly or wrongly) that it’s only the celebs with ND or disabled kids that actually get listened to?
as in, the public, possibly vicariously, want to know about their problems…

gah….. they are so helpful to the cause.. but it just feels so wrong.

Yeah I completely agree. I even really dislike when influencers share stuff about their children's development/ tantrums/ potty training etc. It seems such an invasion of children's privacy. I think it will end up being looked back on with horror in 10 or 20 years.

It's complicated.

I wouldn't share like that about my child's disabilities...yet at the same time I am often grateful that others do, as raising awareness of unseen disabilities such as ND is one of the things we can do to make things better for these children. It's a tough moral issue.

I think a lot depends on the support networks the children have around them, which can shield them, to some extent from repercussions.

I've put things on Facebook, usually when I've got a drum to beat about how appalling SEN provision is, and how impossible the system is to navigate. I want people to know they're not alone if they're also struggling, and I want to advocate as publicly as possible for my daughter and all those who cannot speak for themselves in order to spread awareness of the struggles and challenges families like mine have. I'm not ashamed of my daughter. Why should I hide this part of my life when I celebrate so much else?

I completely understand what you mean, and i thought this for a while but I don't really anymore

Sometimes I thought, how are they gonna get a bf/gf in the future when there are these videos showing their autistic struggles

What if they become more socially developed as they grow up, but there are videos of their stims snd challenges that they may want to keep private or explain in their own way and time

I certainly wouldn't like it. It would feel like everyone was in on a joke about me.

On the flip side, the lovely sen mums on tiktok have really really helped me accept dd's diagnosis, understand her more, understand how our lives will be

There is also the idea that families live their lives out loud, and if they're on social media, their kids will be also, no matter their disabilities, which I really respect 🥰. They would see not puttinf them on as hiding. I'm more private as have suffered severe bullying, so don't put us online.

And tbh, autism is everywhere. Having the sen kids online has helped to normalises autism as it should be!

Social media and kid influencers aren't going anywhere tbh, but I avoid ones that don't porttay their kids in a flattering light

Yabu here, but I do follow your line of thinking

I'm finding the implications that disability is some private thing to be hidden away at all costs a bit hard to swallow here.

Paddy and Christine McGuinness did their documentary on autism without showing their children. I think they got it right. Just out of interest which English celebrities have shown too much of their send kids?
I do agree with what you are saying, I haven’t seen it so much from celebrities but obviously there are so many send parent social media accounts now and while they are helpful to other parents like myself, it does feel completely wrong seeing so much of their children and their send stories. I would absolutely never do it. I feel the same way about children on social media generally.

I voted YANBU because it's so nice to see someone correctly using "champing at the bit" ⭐

if they dont listen...........meh tbh. If people NEED children to be visible in content in order for them as adults to be capable of taking in whatever it is the parent is saying........ then they need to get a grip. Children shouldnt ever be exploited. Just cos some people are frankly too "whatever" (I cant think of a descriptive word that isnt in some way insulting!) to watch a video that doesnt feature kids........ that is there problem. Its not a reason to exploit kids.

Agreed. I feel like lots of the parents are doing it to humanise their children, because they are very aware that many people in the world still see disabled children as less than human.

I think it is slightly different for celebrities because their children are visible

only tacky celebrities who use their kids for publicity/ads. There are some celebrities I can think of whose children I have never seen a picture of, and some haven’t even released their children’s names or any details about them.

Its not about "hiding away children with disabilities" its about respecting their privacy.
And its also not about "raising awareness" - its far too often about the parents using their kids as bait so they can make money. Should you wish I can talk to you for hours about my kids who both have disabilities without ever once disrespecting their privacy.

I don't share anything about my DD on social media that would identify her - not photographs, not videos, and definitely nothing under either of our names talking about her specific difficulties (I've shared a few issues on here anonymously - that's it). And no photos or videos of her online was a decision my partner and I made when she was born, years before she was diagnosed, and we were considered extremely odd and a little bit snobby for making that decision.

But I can absolutely see why someone might want to share things about their child in this way, because it is so hard to be heard with professionals and social media for some parents (mostly mothers) is the validating, comforting, listening ear that is so lacking in the coldness or frank disbelief that you sometimes encounter elsewhere.

Add to that (in respect of the ASD parents sharing) that autistic communication is not to listen to someone else's struggles and say, uselessly, "oh that must be hard" - but instead to say "I experience that too" and to give examples - so the "stitch" format on short form videos is one which lends itself to autistic communication, and apples don't always fall far from trees.

I am also grateful to some of the parents who do share. There are many but to give just one example, the account "ASD with a G&T" has been really helpful to me in providing a name for children like mine who are too capable for special school but not able to cope at mainstream (she calls them the SEN-betweeners). A number of the ARFID parents social media accounts have been extremely helpful too.

Then throw into the mix that the people who are trying to deal with school communication, school refusal, EHCP applications, DLA applications, maintaining family life around an "explosive" child, not burning bridges with the school parents or the wider family, against a societal and sometimes even familial backdrop of cynicism - those people are almost all women.

I think there is a naivety, and a certain sexism, behind writing off those who do choose to share as undignified gold-diggers. Do I share, no, but would I condemn those who do? Also no.