To think my life isn't actually hard??

[Fletch777]

I find life really difficult and I'm in general very overwhelmed. This makes me feel guilty though because when I think about my life and what I do every day, I don't actually think that I do that much and I have it VERY easy compared to the majority of people in the UK.

I'm a 24 year old trainee teacher. I work for 3 days a week in a primary school. Im a cleaner on one day a week and on Fridays I go to uni. I'm doing a full time degree in education so a lot of distance studying. Whilst it sounds like a lot, I never do a work day longer than 6 hours yet I'm consistently exhausted no matter how much I sleep. My parents support me financially whilst I'm studying, I have a roof over my head, I'm healthy and don't have to worry about paying bills...

So why am I finding things so so hard?! I feel so spoilt and lazy like I should be able to just bring myself to do things. I can't build habits at all. I have to psych myself up just to do basic tasks like brushing my teeth. It takes me so much to bring myself to go to the shops and I'll literally have the weirdest meals out of the back of my cupboards or go without dinner because I can't bring myself to make that extra stop on the way home. I'll have a basket of clean washing waiting to be put away for a week? I just want to be one of those people who can have a routine and not be so overwhelmed by the basics of life. I'm so exhausted that the thought of going out and doing anything other than what I have to do (work and uni) just fills me with dread. I feel so guilty and shit about it. I'm diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and medicated so that could be part of it.

I spoke to my mum and she says that I actually do quite a lot, but I really don't in comparison to people who work 40 hour weeks and have kids and have to pay bills. I just want to feel capable.

In the future I want to have kids and of course be a full time teacher but I'm terrified. If I find it so hard to look after just myself now, how am I going to manage in the future when I have so many more responsibilities?

Bit of a rant and not really a question but I just wanted to write my feelings somewhere. Sorry if it sounds entitled or weird.

I feel very much like this and a friend recently said they thought I was Inattentive ADHD. Sounds like you have a dysregulated nervous system and anxiety, OP. I used to think I was suffering this alone but started watching YouTube videos from the Crappy Childhood Fairy which helped me immensely. It was very healing to realise it's not just me, and that there were things I could do to soothe the dysregulated feelings.

While your days aren’t super long it does sound like you are spinning a lot of plates - uni, placement, cleaning then all the other things we all do like housework and everything is a lot!

Do you think k you may have ADHD? Your lack of motivation for small talks and tiredness sound exactly like my sister who has just been diagnosed at late 30s.

I think you are doing a lot of different things, learning at work (school), learning at uni and then a physical job too.

Hope you're enjoying what you do!

I have a very easy life on paper - but every day at some point I'll be overwhelmed and quite often struggle with 'normal' things.

I think I'm wired badly.

You sound very like my 20yo DS, @Fletch777 - he also has a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD. The basics of life for him are absolutely exhausting, he finds it almost impossible to stick to a daily routine. Doesn't help that he's doing a social science degree with low contact hours so it's difficult to get into a routine when he's away at uni. His sleep patterns are all over the place, he can get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out and then ends up incapable of leaving his room for days on end, and is similar to you in feeling guilty and shit about how he is. He's said to me that he has no idea how he's ever going to hold down a job.

If it makes you feel any better, what you're achieving actually gives me so much hope, I don't think DS would cope with anything like what you're managing at the moment so you're a bit of an inspiration in all honesty!

Do you take any other supplements to try and boost your immune system and help with the exhaustion? DS takes atomoxetine for ADHD which does help (when he remembers to take it...) along with various other supplements like floradix (iron) and omega 3 fish oils and a good multivitamin. None of these are a magic bullet of course but they do help a bit. We're looking in to melatonin too to try and help regulate his sleep patterns.

Inattentive ADHD is really bloody tough, it can be so dispiriting and debilitating. By definition life is going to be more challenging for you than it is for someone who does not have ADHD. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Just wanted to say that in my 20s I also felt exhausted and overwhelmed. I was also studying and working a couple of days, and remember thinking how would I ever cope with a full time job and kids. I couldn't muster enthusiasm to cook properly for myself.

But somehow I am 40 with kids and a full time job, running the kids around to activities and usual household chores.

My point is, don't fear that how you feel now is a sign you can't do those things, I've actually thrived with the structure having kids bring and the responsibility associated with running a house, cooking for others.

As others have said, you are spinning a lot of plates at the moment. You might find that after your studies and part time work that having a full time job is actually less exhausting mentally.

I don't have any advice but the hardest time of my life was when I was in my mid twenties, working a junior job and setting up my life.

Now I'm married, have a toddler, pregnant and in a senior job - I cope a lot better with everything.

I think children actually make you happier in general and it makes life easier to cope with than when you're younger with "less" to do.

Also you're doing loads!!!

Your medication isn't working. You have an executive function disorder. You need to change your meds.

I sound very like you, I have a suitcase that I haven’t unpacked ( removed the dirty clothes) in 3 weeks!
I have bad anxiety and I think that’s the reason, I have never been assessed for ADHD but I think I may have it.
I just can’t seem to get on top of small personal /house tasks, I’m on top of work stuff but then again I have to be or I would probably loose my job if I wasn’t
I would love to be highly organised but alas I don’t think I can change the habits of a lifetime, I’m 49

I was reading your OP and thinking at your age I had bundles of energy. I had two jobs, a sports hobby and I'd go clubbing until the early hours every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

BUT I didn't have ADHD and I wasn't on any meds.

You have and your are, so please don't be so hard on yourself

Having said that, we're all different anyway with different energy levels.

you are doing a lot

studying and teaching take a lot of brain energy

adhd freeze on the simple tasks is a classic sign - it’s not interesting at that point so it just do not get engaged with

routines can be overwhelming and too rigid for some so don’t feel bad for not having one

sometimes you can couple a task you struggle with alongside a one that’s an easy start task - sorry think there is a proper name for this strategy ADHDers use

I have ADHD and can relate to a lot of this. At some level I’ve always been a bit like this, but you can get it under control.

when I was early 20’s and starting out in my first professional job, I too was hugely exhausted all the time.

you will find that once your experience grows, it will become less exhausting. Teaching will always be challenging I guess because it throws up so many different challenges, but you’ll eventually get into a routine and be able to do things without too much thought. Give it a year and you will be feeling much better.

I also think the discipline of regular office hours can be helpful and helps you get more done.

You sound identical to my eldest DS who lives at home. There a baskets of clothes in his room from weeks ago.

Echo the other posters he's diagnosed with ADD.

@FlyingPandas i remember feeling like your son as a student. I was in awe of people who could work 8 hours a day! ( in retrospect, my ADHD meant I was terribly disorganised)

but I found the structure of a real job really helps. I also find if I’m busy I get more done and feel less tired.

now I can work 8 hours easily and wished that all working days were so short!

tell your son to take heart- he will rise to the challenge when he has to ( and the adrenaline kicks in!)

I just think you are doing a lot of different things, while also still learning (which is tiring), and working a placement (which is tiring). Most of us settle into a routine of one job, in which we have lots of experience, and not having study or exams or qualifications hanging over us.

Agree that you may have something else going on - speak to GP

But let’s pretend you don’t and it’s just your schedule making you feel like this. You are on placement, which is learning and something new, which will be exhausting, you are studying. It is a full time course so you will be juggling assignments etc or know that some are coming up at least. You have a part time job to keep you going. Which is a physical job. You then have to look after yourself, cooking, shopping, cleaning.

When you work 40 hours a week you get used to your job, some of it is autopilot and that helps with getting through the week. You’re learning and working and that is always so much more tiring.

Don’t panic you will be fine, it sounds like you’re managing and doing everything you need. Don’t be so hard on yourself

There’s lots of knowledge and support on ADHD - I don’t know too much on that but might some of it be an age thing?
24 is tough - you’ve left the structure and routine of full time education (I know you are still studying but not in the same framework) you have to constantly think about career, relationships, friendships, money and all those things suddenly and it can be overwhelming. They even call it a quarter-life crisis.
Sounds like you are doing lots already and it’s good that you have family support. Can you talk to them or some friends - sometimes others seem like they have it all together but they don’t. I found my 20s a lot tougher than my 30s and 40s better so far too. Sometimes you just need to be kind to yourself and make small wins each day. Do a small list and tick a few things off.
Try to get fresh air each day. Can you walk to/from school or Uni? Just give yourself space. Your life is going in the right direction, you have so much still to do and experience - try not to worry. So much will just unfold by you putting yourself out there each day:)

Hey op. As all the posters have said...you are doing great. You are spinning so many plates at the one time... you are on the cusp of so many super things.
Reading your post reminds me of myself in my 20's.
It would be lovely if you planned some nice things for yourself....a break away with a friend/friens whom you laugh with; your mam/family; arrange a little cafe date; go to a concert, etc. Whatever tickles your fancy. This will motivate you, make you smile and fill your soul! You deserve it!

Thank you this is reassuring. I take 30mg of Elvanse daily and supplement with magnesium, iron, vitamin D and B12.
I also have just started taking the combined pill as I read hormone fluctuations can really affect ADHD.

Thank you all for your kind comments. It's quite validating to hear that I am actually doing quite a lot, it makes me feel less guilty. I've been on this dosage of meds for a couple of years now and they work brilliantly in comparison to how I was without my meds. Without, I could sleep all day every day and wouldn't be able to do anything. Since starting, Ive now been able to do all the things I'm doing now

Trainee teachers are always exhausted.

It's genuinely exhausting whether you have adhd or not.

The more experience you get the less exhausting it becomes, but it's never easy.

Go easy on yourself.