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Original poster

Working for your partner

34 replies

Grimes88 · 23/01/2025 20:45

Moved to Scotland from Cumbria way because I'd met someone really special and over a few months the long distance thing wasn't working for either of us, had no strings, friends and family were all supportive, so took a jump and moved! It's been generally really good. We got engaged, been together 2.5 years. I had planned on getting a job there ASAP, I'd been a PA most of my life but left that job ready for the move. I was panicking a bit because I was looking for work but absolutely nothing was happening, they don't really have a big 'corporate' vibe here in the Highlands so jobs in my 'field' were close to non existent. He told me relax, don't worry about it too much, you can help me with my business doing admin whilst you look for work, various bits of paperwork, invoicing, a pretty big mix of support etc. but now the job is creeping more into 4 full days a week and and I admit I've allowed the job role to get bigger. I've got loads of plans for how to do things better and move the business forward and he's all on board with that, he's really happy with all the support and to be honest I am getting really stuck into it. He pays me and it all ticks along really well...

HOWEVER

Am I being really fucking cheeky when I ask things like, can you make me a part of your company? Or like, can I have more stability, more weight to my role and the business, like add me as a director or something, not even for money but so I have some level of stability even because at this stage I'm now financially dependent on him AND am very involved with the business, so I just feel like I've leaving myself wide open.

OP posts:
brawhen · 23/01/2025 20:52

Becoming a director or shareholder I would only consider if you are sure sure sure you are with him for the long term. I run a business with my DH - we've come out of it OK but at rocky times in our relationship there was definitely the pressure to stay together because we were tied together by the business. It's not an easy situation to be in.

However, definitely make sure he/the business is paying you well for the work you do - equivalent of what you would get on open market, and including pension etc. Do not be used as cheap labour when you have no other security from it.

Runningoutofthyme · 23/01/2025 20:52

How are you being paid?

Original poster
Grimes88 · 23/01/2025 20:56

brawhen · 23/01/2025 20:52

Becoming a director or shareholder I would only consider if you are sure sure sure you are with him for the long term. I run a business with my DH - we've come out of it OK but at rocky times in our relationship there was definitely the pressure to stay together because we were tied together by the business. It's not an easy situation to be in.

However, definitely make sure he/the business is paying you well for the work you do - equivalent of what you would get on open market, and including pension etc. Do not be used as cheap labour when you have no other security from it.

Yeah I haven't thought about things like this, naively. I get too stuck in and emotionally invested into my work, so I haven't actually come for air (until now) and thought, wait a minute, there's a bigger picture to this...

Thanks for your comment, really helpful 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Grimes88 · 23/01/2025 20:58

Runningoutofthyme · 23/01/2025 20:52

How are you being paid?

I get paid every two weeks, from a PAYE report his accountant sends across, I'm 'on the books' etc.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:26

Do you want to become a director in order to have your share of dividends? Do you understand the impact they would have on how and how much you were paid and how much tax you paid?

Every company needs to have two adults as director, who is currently the other director?

Giving you a job is one thing, it would be a very big step to give you are part of the business. I'd suggest you have a written agreement on what would happen if you break up. Good luck.

FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:26

Meant to say are there any other businesses around that you could help in the similar way to spread your risk a bit?

CoralHare · 24/01/2025 08:33

My auntie and uncle have this set up but she is has shares in the company. They are also married which obviously gives much greater security.

stanleypops66 · 24/01/2025 08:35

After 2.5 years I wouldn't make someone a director in my company. As long as you're getting a fair wage for your job I wouldn't push it- unless you're willing to 'buy' into the business.

stanleypops66 · 24/01/2025 08:36

@FinallyHere

Every company needs to have two adults as director, who is currently the other director?

Not true. I am the sole company director in my company.

FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:41

Good spot @stanleypops66

I was assuming the thread was about a limited company.

Original poster
Grimes88 · 24/01/2025 09:42

FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:26

Meant to say are there any other businesses around that you could help in the similar way to spread your risk a bit?

That's what I was thinking at one point actually, go into a kind of remote PA/consultancy type thing for myself

OP posts:
Original poster
Grimes88 · 24/01/2025 09:42

stanleypops66 · 24/01/2025 08:36

@FinallyHere

Every company needs to have two adults as director, who is currently the other director?

Not true. I am the sole company director in my company.

Yes, sorry it's a limited company!

OP posts:
mindutopia · 24/01/2025 09:47

I wouldn’t make someone a director of my company after 2.5 years of dating, sorry. I’m a co-director on dh’s company, but we’ve been married 16 years and it was a business that was started since we’ve been married. It sounds like a great plan for the future IF you decide you’re going to stay in the company long term, but it sounds like it’s only been a few months to a year and there is always a possibility you could seek out other work.

mindutopia · 24/01/2025 09:49

A limited company doesn’t need two directors unless it’s public, which most small businesses are not.

wonderblocks · 24/01/2025 09:53

Dh runs a company, I'm on the books, I'm also a shareholder, I get dividends etc. But we've been together 11 years and the business started through him being able to leave work as we didn't have any rent to pay through my inheritance, so without me it wouldn't have got going, so I kinda feel like I've earned that also!

ForRealCat · 24/01/2025 09:56

I think you should ask to be paid fairly for your work as an employee. You've only been together 2.5 years and becoming part of the company would make things trickier for him if you split

Original poster
Grimes88 · 24/01/2025 10:01

Yeah, I totally get that what some of you are saying that 2.5 years isn't a long time in the grand scheme and being married is security in itself!
I've seen a couple of jobs come up which are a bit below (responsibility and pay wise) what I'm used to doing but they'd have to be part time given the amount I'm doing for him now, so it's about weighing it all up I guess.

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 28/01/2025 11:37

@Grimes88 Would you consider being an online virtual assistant - or slightly higher level - online business manager (more operational and strategy with business owner).

I started in 2004 and kept it flexible around my life’s needs. I now charge a minimum of £45 per hour as a tech and operational VA to online business service providers.

You could do it whilst still doing some work with partner but it means your eggs aren’t all in one basket with his business.

flower858 · 28/01/2025 11:40

Agree with the others perhaps a bit too soon in terms of being made a director. Agree with pp, make sure you are well compensated that being said I don't think it hurts to have a conversation about the future

Eggsandavocado · 28/01/2025 11:52

FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:41

Good spot @stanleypops66

I was assuming the thread was about a limited company.

I’m the sole director of my Ltd company

ILoveMyCaravan · 28/01/2025 12:27

FinallyHere · 24/01/2025 08:41

Good spot @stanleypops66

I was assuming the thread was about a limited company.

You can be a sole director in a limited company.

lessglittermoremud · 28/01/2025 13:32

We have a family company, father/son with my husband being the Son.
I am paid for the work I do at the going rate, I have no part of the company in my own name and I have no wish to, despite my initial support being needed to be able to start it.
I’ve never wanted to muddy the waters/blur the lines and we’ve been together a long time and have children.
In your shoes I don’t think it would be a good idea to ask to be given a major role ie director etc
He already had it before you were together, as long as you are paid fairly for the work you do I wouldn’t expect anything more.
If you did split would you be likely to stay in the area? If you would then it makes sense to pick up part time work else where, however if you would relocate back to the area you were before I wouldn’t worry about looking for more work elsewhere and just enjoy your current role and life together.

Uptightmum · 28/01/2025 14:21

You are a paid member of staff, as long as you are being paid on line with your role and others in the similar role and have the same work place benefits etc then yes its cheeky to ask to be made a director unless you are involved with the running/growth of the business which is a different story.

I was employed as an admin by my husband but then I become more involved in the business and actually brought more money in than him last year and there I am now named as a director

sometimesmovingforwards · 28/01/2025 14:26

I wouldn’t make my PA a shareholder or a Director ever. Because they’re a PA doing admin. There’s nothing of strategic benefit to the company about the role, if they leave they’re replaced quickly and easily because the salary and travel perks are good.

Original poster
Grimes88 · 28/01/2025 14:26

Yes I really like the idea of the virtual assistant type stuff, was actually looking at that this morning before I checked this thread.

If we did split I'd likely find work practically much quicker back where I was tbh.
To a PP who mentioned involved with running/growth, I very heavily am and can evidence that through better employment choices, and doing any 'onboarding' myself rather than him doing it, implementing policies, contracts and improved profit through cost cutting etc...loads more in terms of that. As I say it's not so much what I'm doing it's more, a question of where is this going floated into my head you know?

I think what I'm getting is being married helps a lot, I think if we were married I'd be a bit more relaxed and feel more secure, again nothing to do with money just the future generally!

OP posts:
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