Can no longer work with my boss

[Mumshire]

I've been in my job for 6 years, am a Head of dept (50 people). Three direct reports who work hard. A dedicated team who deliver.

I love my job, I love my team. I'm considered a high performer and have brought lots of change, savings etc.

My problem is my (male) boss. He talks in word salads, has big brainwaves that he turns into projects that create WAY more work for everyone. He has an overarching idea, which is never, ever thought through and that no one's asked for, only vaguely tied to the company strategic direction. Someone once described him as an "Independent Republic". He then wants me to go away, come up with the detail, put in lots of objectives and deliverables, write papers, give presentations to stakeholders, present with him to the CEO and senior management. It's a LOT.

I have 5 major projects to deliver this year and another hare-brained idea has just landed on my desk which at first glance would be considered a huge project by any normal standards.

For once, I want to tell him I don't have the bandwidth for this (I truly don't), but I'm in a team of men and none of them would ever say NO to him. Also, he gets aggressive in tone and is not reasonable. He's self-serving and tunnel-visioned. I have no respect for him, and have come to hate working with him. But he is intimidating if you're "not playing ball".

I don't want to leave, I've finally ended up in my dream job with a dream team. I'm good at what I do. I have high anxiety this evening about it all. I'm worried I'll appear like I can't cope generally, which is not the case. He will react badly, I know this.

Can anyone help me navigate this?

If you can’t deliver them all you need to ask if he’d prefer you deprioritise one of your current projects or can he organise more resource to absorb this additional project. If you cannot deliver it, you simply have no choice, as uncomfortable as it may be.

Are you friendly with anyone senior to him?

Go to your CEO and tell him/her what you've said here. What have you got to lose?

I wouldn't do that if she hasn't first tried to resolve this by speaking to her manager. That should be the final escalation point not the first.

I've done it (twice). A good CEO would want to know that they are going to lose a valuable member of staff - and possibly more in time - due to the unreasonable behaviour of a manager.

This. With everything in writing.

Oh OP I have absolutely been in your exact shoes. Unfortunately in my experience it doesn’t get better.

I would have a meeting with him and your managers where you clearly take him through your projects, prioritisation and what it will take to deliver to these. Agree on these and then say so anything new will then require a reprioritisation meeting.

Exceptional Project management is your friend. Tell him that once you have prioritised you will then communicate this to other department heads to avoid project or scope creep to avoid taking on too much and not being able to deliver.

If he has a new idea tell him it sounds great, you would love to do it and what would he like to deprioritise in lieu of this new project.

Good luck

BTDT got the t-shirt.

schedule a meeting to go over your deliverables. Explain that with the addition of this project you are overcommitted. He needs to decide which project is being shelved or reassigned.

if he says none. You refuse. You are not giving up your evenings and weekends as a matter of course. Overtime is for short-term emergencies and situations, not a long-term solution to an overburdened to-do list.

if he still refuses, then you go over his head.

he will hate you. There is no getting around it. My boss now hates me. Funny thing though, with the way my company works, he could easily avoid working with me ever again. Yet he will still wait for me to be available for a project even when I recommend a perfectly good person who has availability. I am excellent at what I do. He knows it. He might hate that I stand up to him and he does complain in my reviews, but it has not hurt me. Management knows exactly what is going on and ignores anything he says on the subject of my obstinacy.

Thank you all for the sanity check! I am going to raise it and I know I'm going to categorised as a "difficult woman".

I expect an angry reaction as this is his shiny new thing that he goes ALL in on, and me being obstinate (in his mind) will really throw a cat amongst his pigeons. He's been at the company for 30 years and is desperate to stay relevant. Unfortunately it also means there's an underlying misogyny as he's been part of an old boys' club for a very long time.

Unfortunately for him though, perimenopause also means that my tolerance for nonsense is at an all time low!

Thanks again everyone, this has been really helpful. I'm glad I posted!

I totally understand. I work in a very male dominated industry where often I can walk into a meeting and be the only woman.

If for any reason you sense the misogyny go back to project document etc. So if he complains you can bring out the document and say yes but this is what was agreed by yourself and to me and my managers. Take all emotion out of it. Ask him where you would like it to change - don’t engage with conversations about emotion. For example - I asked you to look into xxx as a new thought and haven’t seen anything yet….go back to it’s a great idea, I would love to do it, but let’s understand how priorities have changed based on our priorities meeting so I can also let the team know. I would also suggest the rhe team need clear objectives for the year and the changing constantly will make it difficult in review time, demotivate the team and mean a lot of things are moved slowly forward. Good luck!

Good luck. Please let us know how you get on.