To think I’ve messed up my DD

[Wackybruce]

My 7 year old DD seems to be struggling at the minute, she is worried about going to sleep incase she has bad dreams. She has always been a tad sensitive but she is now worried that she is going to be taken away from me. Her dad and I recently split and we have had to move into my parents house, do you think it could be that? I feel so guilty but I made the right decision for us.

she keeps saying she doesn’t want to go to her dads but then says she doesn’t have bad dreams there as he lets her stay up. She comes home pale and tired. I just feel like such a failure.

Sounds like something is going on, most likely to do with the separation. Because her Daddy is no longer with her all the time, maybe she worries that you might leave her too. It might just take a bit of time and lots of reassurance that you're not going anywhere without her.

If things don't improve, perhaps it could be helpful if she speaks with a professional or school councillor if they have one. Plenty of parents separate so they'll know how to get to the bottom of this and without causing further distress.

You haven't failed! It's a big change for a child, especially a sensitive one. Cut yourself some slack. You're doing a great job.

Please don't feel like you've failed your OP, you haven't, you've actually done what you feel is best for you and your DD. People say that children adapt to these situations, but it does take time, and more so if you have a very sensitive child. As the previous poster said, just give her as much reassurance as you can, and be VERY careful not to be late when picking her up from somewhere, as that really can scare the life out of them when they're feeling like this. How long is it since you and her Dad separated?

He met somebody else, it’s been about 6 months, I sit and talk to her before she goes to sleep. She calls it our midnight chat! Haha I try and reassure her that everything is ok and I would never ever leave her.

Poor little love. Hopefully it will get easier as she gets more used to the new way of life.

You haven't failed her. She's unsettled because her life has changed and she's insecure, but you haven't failed her.

Sleep with her if you can or let her sit up a bit later lots of cuddles and reassurance.

I don’t know what to suggest but wanted to say that your midnight chats sound like exactly what she needs. Lots of love and reassurance.

Possibly some play therapy if that’s affordable to help her work through the emotions?

You haven’t failed.

Stay calm and consistent, stick with routine as much as possible and listen to her when she expresses her feelings. It could be helpful to validate her feelings too - yes, bad dreams are horrible and they can feel very real. If she wakes up from a bad dream what happens? You come and give her a hug because you’re always there etc Let her talk it through. If you can I’d be tempted to give her something that smells of you to sleep with - your dressing gown without the cord, a squishmallow with a little of your perfume or a blanket that you’ve washed in your shampoo or body wash.

Me eldest went through something similar and her dad and I divorced when she was a similar age. She also worries she is being taken away - why kind of custody split do you have with her dad? TBH for this reason amongst others I have never (and will never) agree to 50/50 custody. Having a stable main home is what has helped the most and the fact she knows she comes home from school every day to her own bed and me

He was never there when we was together. He sees them more now.