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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To use this girls name?

14 replies

Dazedandconfusedma · 23/01/2025 16:29

My husband and I are really bad at naming kids. My son wasn’t named until he was three weeks old, and we only picked the name about an hour before our appointment at the registry office (which we’d already had to postpone once due to not having a name), and decided on the spelling on the walk over.

That was really stressful and I don’t want it to happen again. I’m now pregnant with a girl. We had a name for a girl first time round that we both loved, but it has since become v popular and we don’t want to use it anymore.

Amazingly, we have managed to find another name that we both love, it’s unusual, but simple and classic. It’s got character, and there are lots of nice links between the name and his family background, and mine. I’ve never met anyone with this name, but I have seen it (v rarely) in the media.

The only thing putting me off is that a girl I went to school with (& haven’t seen for about twenty years) had a stillbirth several years ago, and the child had this name, and she posts about it regularly online. Although I didn’t really know the girl at school, we do have many friends in common, and they will know that it’s the name of the daughter she lost. Do you think it would look really odd / naff if I use it? Would you use it?

If it makes a difference, I don’t post about my children online so she wouldn’t see it, and I really, really do love the name. I think it’s perfect.

OP posts:
PiastriThePastry · 23/01/2025 16:30

It’s very thoughtful (or perhaps it’s overthinking!) to consider this other woman but no, you would not be even slightly unreasonable to use the name you love for your child.

fingertraps · 23/01/2025 16:31

I think it’s fine to use it.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/01/2025 16:33

It's fine, you're overthinking it though from good motives.

Dotto · 23/01/2025 16:34

You would not be unreasonable to use the name, but I would perhaps let her know as a courtesy, that you don't want it to sting for her, and you had chosen this name years ago, just so it's not a surprise if she hears.

Dazedandconfusedma · 23/01/2025 16:36

Thank you so much for the replies - I had worked myself up about it.

i don’t really know her so it might be odd if I reach out to tell her, but perhaps I’ll ask one of our friends in common if they think she’d like to know, and if so if they’d tell her.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 23/01/2025 16:40

Dazedandconfusedma · 23/01/2025 16:36

Thank you so much for the replies - I had worked myself up about it.

i don’t really know her so it might be odd if I reach out to tell her, but perhaps I’ll ask one of our friends in common if they think she’d like to know, and if so if they’d tell her.

I don't think I'd bring it up like that.

Maybe mention to some of the people who know you both the name you're thinking of and why, and see if any of them even make the link. If they do then you could ask them this.

pinkwaffles · 23/01/2025 16:41

Well what's the name?

Roseinbloom20 · 23/01/2025 16:45

Aw you sound like a lovely person to be thinking about this. I sadly had a stillborn daughter 5 years ago and many babies via friends/family/acquaintances have been born since then - if a friend from school I knew 20 years ago named their baby the same name I wouldn't think twice about it (except that they have great taste in names!) and congratulations on a healthy baby. I remember my baby in my heart and I light a candle for her on her birthday every year, when I hear her name on TV or meet someone with her name I think of her then move on with my day. Name your baby the name you love and enjoy her and don't think any more about it x

ItGhoul · 23/01/2025 16:52

pinkwaffles · 23/01/2025 16:41

Well what's the name?

It really doesn't matter what the name is.

MarshMallowHeather · 23/01/2025 16:55

Want to know the name, and also the name you used to want to use!

Dotto · 23/01/2025 16:56

ItGhoul · 23/01/2025 16:52

It really doesn't matter what the name is.

Exactly. If she puts the name on here no doubt it'll get criticised anyway.

MarshMallowHeather · 23/01/2025 16:59

I think it's fine, though. Stillbirth is extremely sad so if this was the child of a close friend of course don't use it, mainly because it would be a reminder to the parents of their loss. I have the same name as a childhood friend who died young and I know it was hard for her family to see me grow up with her name. But this person isn't likely to be around your daughter so that doesn't come into it.

DinosaurMunch · 23/01/2025 17:00

ItGhoul · 23/01/2025 16:52

It really doesn't matter what the name is.

It might because if the name is something that's actually pretty common that there are lots of other similar aged children called such as Maeve or Thea or Margot, it's a total non issue whereas something genuinely rare where no one will come across it again would perhaps be different.

Baby name posts are often about a really unusual name and then the name turns out to be in the top 10 names for last year.

Although I don't think it matters either way unless it's a reasonably close friend or family member.

VividBlue · 23/01/2025 17:00

It’s fine OP. Very considerate of you to think of her but it’s fine, especially as you don’t post about your kids online anyway.

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