To give up? Broken

[Tu10]

I’m off sick. Have been since 8 January. I was close to a breakdown. I had a good job and ex pays maintenance but it’s just a struggle. An awful awful struggle. I’m lonely and sad. I was making 4K a month and now I’m set to lose this job too. I can’t face going back. It’s too much rushing and admin and stress. I can’t be a mother and employee all alone. Ex sees dd once a month for two days as he works abroad. Nothing will change there. I feel absolutely broken and don’t know what to do

Right,

1. go to the GP. get medication
2. get a proper custody agreement put in place that makes your ex far more responsible for his own child. So what if he works abroad... where are his parents. Get the order and enforce it.
3. pull yourself together - easier said than done i know, but being back at work will be better than wallowing in your house. Life admin is tough. However, if you are earning 4k a month, then hire a cleaner, and a gardner, put your kid in after school clubs, on the bus to school and back on days where there are no clubs. 4)enlist family and friends, get them to do pick up / drop off occasionally - do other people clse to you geographically have kids that go to the same school? cousins? nieces/nephews, does the school run a pick-up service?

Don't give up.

Plenty of us have been in similar situations and made it through - you can too. You've only been off a couple of weeks - give yourself time. I ended up being off for four months - I basically had a breakdown. I was forced into reevaluating my whole life, and now some fifteen years later I am happier than ever.

You can and you will get through this.

You'll be a dam site worse off if you loose your job!
Child minder for before and after school
Outsource what you can, cleaning etc, order food in every week, be organised, make a list and a meal plan.
Strict routine after school including early bed so you get time on your own to chill.
If you're earning £4k a month you must be in a very well paid job and have worked hard to get there, so don't let it go!
Big girl pants on this won't last forever

You can be an employee and a mother, what other choice do you have, who will pay the mortgage and bills if you leave your job?

I agree with others. I'm not a single mum, but have been through absolutely horrendous health problems over the past decade, and it's been so difficult but I got through it.

I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before having a terrible breakdown with very severe anxiety, then being injured by off label psychotropic drugs that gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia. I lost the ability to read too - not great for someone whose job is an editor and journalist 😑

But... I got through it, had my two youngest children - my youngest was born in lockdown and I had a c-section on my own then.

It's awful, unfortunately, but we do tend to get through things we really don't think is possible. I've survived a decade of pretty hard times, i think you will be ok too. You just have to do it.

Speak to your doctor and they will help you with medication, councilling, time off etc. Also speak to HR se if there's anyway you can reduce your hours or days, on those days do things for yourself whilst the children are at school even if that's getting some sleep, going for walks, finding a new hobby just something that you find joy in.
Iv'e been in a similar position I gave up my overtime and took up walking, I'm waiting for my counselling sessions, its hard when you have no time to yourself, it gets overwhelming and suffocating but you can get help.

And you earn 4 times what i do. You are fortunate in that respect and you can pay for things to be outsourced. Just think of your child, it's what I had to think of and focused on my children to get through the hell at times.

Not sure how far 4K is meant to stretch. Rent 1,200 (two bed terraced), car 180, nursery 1,250, travel to work 200. Bills around 500 a month. I don’t have money for gardeners and cleaners.

@ClosetBasketCase unfortunately no order will force ex to parent. I have tried everything possible to get him to do more and it won’t happen. I am totally alone on all fronts and I am not coping anymore.

Does he pay maintenance?

Have you told your Ex you are at breaking point? Because if you break and you have no family support, your daughter will go into care. If he can't be here then he should be making up for it in financial contribution to give you some support?

What's triggered the tipping point into sickness, do you know? Just the pressure of bills in January? An epically lonely shit Christmas? The relentlessness of parenting a toddler [?] singlehandedly and holding down a full-time job? Can you point to anything that is really sending you underwater?

You are on a decent salary so you must have a good job and be bright but I know things don't stretch too well and nursery fees are an absolute killer. Is an end in sight or is your child still very young? I think back to Ex to at least split nursery costs until she/he starts school. Presumably he doesn't want 100% residency because that is also a choice for you albeit an unpalatable one I am sure but if it is one that would help you to recover then it's a choice.

It sounds really bloody hard.

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can say is that sounds shit and I sympathise x

I'm sorry to hear you aren't coping well at the moment.

They can't sack you for being off sick with a Dr's note, and if you've been in your current job for more than 2 years, you're protected. Maybe you just need a month or two off to reset. Is the company you work for supportive?

Do you have any family or friends who you can talk to or lend a hand? If your ex isn't a complete tool, maybe speak to him and explain how desperately you need his help.

Things will get better, hang in there x

You won’t lose your job for taking time off for being sick, if you can’t face going back you need to get signed off for longer. Nusery fees don’t last forever and you’ll have more money when they stop, how old is your child?
I’m a single parent with a similar income and DD only sees her dad for 2 nights once a month. It gets so much easier as they get older. Once your DC is at school you’ll build up a network of other parents, which is a great help.
Take some proper time off, regroup, get meds if you need them. You can do this.

You haven’t been off for long. Take more time to fully recover, don’t quit.

Could you reduce hours or work compressed hours over fewer days? Work from home any days?