To be so anxious with work and finances

[ThePeppyOchreFinch]

Sorry I'm not sure if it's AIBU but maybe people will talk sense into me.
My mental health is really suffering atm because of my work.
I was in an AO Civil Service role (entry level) for anyone who's not familiar. Enjoyed the role and was good at it but wanted a step up, got offered an EO role in another department and I hate it. It's very micromanaged, they're very particular about when you can use leave, office and management culture feels like being at school again. Feel totally out of depth with the role, really struggling with it. It's centralised training majority of which is over teams, this is the first time I've ever felt so rubbish at a role. Asked about returning to my old role but said it's not possible. Even asked about going down to an AO telephony role but my emails weren't responded to.
Promotions in this dept blocked for 2 years.

I'm a qualified teacher in a shortage subject, I was put on an informal support plan due to not being able to manage behaviour and I've been reluctant to go permanent ever since.
I used to do supply which I enjoyed but I partially got the CS job to help get a mortgage, which I now have.

I've been looking at supply again and found some with guaranteed pay schemes which I'd be able to combine with tutoring and hopefully a summer holiday job.
Having recently purchased the flat my finances are not where I want them to be at all. I owe £1600 on my credit card which has a limit of £2300. And I owe £1500 on a personal bank loan which luckily has a very good interest rate. I have a £300 overdraft limit which I'm in too. I know these levels are manageable but they constantly make me feel sick and anxious. I'm intending as of this month to put £300 a month towards it which hopefully should see it all gone in just over a year.
I spent a lot on buying basic furniture for the flat,it needs further cosmetic work and new windows but I just don't have the money.

Back to the jobs, I know leaving a permanent role for supply might be foolish, but I'm 34 and thus have at least another 33 years left of work. This current role makes me sick and anxious every day and I'm not sleeping. I also don't drive and lessons are something I cannot afford. I feel so lost, ashamed and depressed. Just don't know what to do.

It sounds daft but I thought I'd be doing better than I am right now. I know I can't stick this role out for 2 years just to apply for a HEO role which I may or may not get.
I'm scared to go back to a permanent teaching role, I have since done behaviour management training and maybe I just got unlucky with that school, but I know a lot of perfectly good teachers who are getting put on support plans.

Really tough situation to be in - two things are going on 1) finances and 2) your job. What can you directly influence ? Your finances you have a plan to clear within a year - great start and that will help your anxiety levels as you see the balance reduce month by month.

You hate your current role , but the alternative you are considering isn't permanent it's supply so even in a shortage subject work is not guaranteed. You will need to set up a private pension if you go supply teaching - Civil Service has a relatively generous pension, holidays and sick policy - Supply teaching has non of these ( you have financial anxiety at the moment so adding to that might not be a good idea , certainly in the short term) You would also need to check with your mortgage company if you go supply v permanent would it change the terms ( it can).

You also mention you had issues with behaviour management as a teacher, you have undertaken training but have you tested your skills - do you know how effective it will be ?

Personally if it were me I would be looking at what I might be able to change in my current role to make it better - at least until you have sorted the debt out that is causing you stress.

Chase up the e mail you sent but haven't had a reply to about changing role - be proactive to push for a reply.

Have a meeting with your manager to identify if there are some strategies / training you can employ to improve your performance. Most people go through a stage in a new role where it can feel overwhelming and they aren't coping but turn it around. Is the "out of your depth" your perception ( negativity due to depression etc.) or have you had this feedback from your manager ? Important you do engage with your manager to understand this.

Finally if you are feeling depressed see your GP. A short course of antidepressants might help get your feelings back in order and help you think through clearly next steps.

Thank you. It's hard to explain but I do not find the role enjoyable at all. In my last CS role, I found it a little boring and repetitive but that really wasn't the end of the world, this new role is just awful.
The manager very heavily micromanages, everything we do on the laptops is strictly monitored, not allowed to listen to music whilst working (with earphones) etc.
The training for this role has a very poor reputation and involves a lot of essays, gathering evidence, portfolios, exams, and so on.
It's not what i was expecting and maybe it will improve, but I don't see it. As I say it's not even just the job itself it's the manager and the culture of that place.

Thanks, I will speak to the GP. I can't sleep properly anymore.

It sounds ridiculous but I feel like such a loser, like I can't hold a job down and I know that's not true because I did very well in my last job and won performance awards etc.
I really regret leaving, I just wanted progression but I haven't yet made any friends here. I'm not sure how long to give it, it's been 2 months.

Bumping

Have you thought about education adjacent roles? There is lots in school support, governance, education charities and outreach, technical platforms... a long list of roles which are rooted in your interests and with the good bits of civil service life but without the bad.