To think it’s rude to call someone more than twice in a row?

[CleverPeachHare]

I was reading a piece about social rules recently and it mentioned that it’s considered rude to call someone more than twice in a row without a response.

Do you agree with this? Is it intrusive to call repeatedly or do you think there are situations where it’s acceptable? How do you feel when someone does this to you?

Calling for a chat - rude. They'll see the missed call and come back to you when/ if they want to.

Calling because they need to know some important information - fine, but I'd expect you to message as well.

Depends on the person you're ringing tbh.

Depends on the reason.
Just for a gossip - maybe no.
Your mums been taken to hospital - yes.

You want a chat - no; you need information - follow up with a text; your kids gone to hospital- phone again and again

It could be seen as rude (if its maybe three times in a row in quick succession if just calling for a chat) or it could be seen as caring if someone is ill, struggling, very elderly etc. What a lot of nonsense.

I have to phone DD twice, she has her phone set so it only rings on the second call so she's not disturbed by scam calls. Everyone she wants to speak to gets told to ring twice!

I do think it's quite rude - realistically that's why you send a message instead! If they've not answered when you've rung multiple times, they're not available. If you send a message they will see that with the missed calls + be able to call back.

If I saw multiple missed calls from someone with no answering machine message / text, id think that was a bit silly on their part - I'm clearly not available via phone and all they're doing is stressing themselves out by ringing multiple times.

Rude! My boss does this to me and I think to myself I would never dream of calling you more than once. For all he knows I am on the office phone speaking to someone else at the time!

Goes without saying emergencies are different.

One call is more than enough. Follow up with a text just please call me when you can if it’s urgent.

I know some people who would ring repeatedly until I told them once is enough, I will call back as soon as I see the missed call and can talk.

If I saw multiple missed calls from someone with no answering machine message / text, id think that was a bit silly on their part - I'm clearly not available via phone and all they're doing is stressing themselves out by ringing multiple times.

@festivemouse If it was a hospital or the police they won't leave a message or text. They will ring on a withheld number, so if I had more than one phone call from a withheld number I would answer it (DD is away at university so it could be about her).

Also, it could be my bank reporting fraudulent transactions (which has happened to me once before).

@RampantIvy

On the balance of probabilities that's less likely to be the case for the majority of missed calls I'd imagine!

However my bank does send a text alert / app alert if they've called about fraud, that's the norm for places I have banked previously too.

My point is if I'm not answering, I'm not available - I'm not just sat ignoring a ringing phone!

Rude! Unless it's very very important.

Unless it's an emergency I thinking calling more than once is rude

I'll see the missed call and call you back!

It depends on who it is. If I want to speak to DH I'll phone him until he answers, even if that's more than twice.

Interesting. I have a friend who does this. She’ll ring when I’m not able to take the call, eg driving but then ring back several times maybe 15 minutes apart. She’ll leave VM’s saying ‘it’s only me’ so only for a chat. But she’ll get more demanding as time goes on and when I do call her back when it’s convenient she’s quite put out and wants to know why I ignored her calls! I thinks its extremely rude but she does suffer from extreme anxiety so I sort of let her off the hook. I guess it depends on the persons personality. I didn’t realise there were was social etiquette around it!

I agree that it’s person dependent - I will call my parents 2-3 times in a row if they don’t answer. Mum usually has her phone on silent, she can notice the vibrations most of the time. They both are older and slower than they used to be plus not great at tech, they take a long time to get to the phone (they don’t carry it on them, could be the other end of the house) and aren’t quick at swiping to answer the phone… but I know their schedule so am not calling when I know they are busy.

Obviousy it will be acceptable in some situations. If there's an emergency, it's understandable you would keep trying to get hold of someone to tell them.

If it's just for a chat or something that isn't time critical, then it's really rude. My neighbour once left 9 voicemails for me on the same day (which I got after I finished work) about some minor repairs to the property which were not an emergency in any way shape or form. It delighted me no end when she later moved to the country and wrote me a card complaining of how her elderly neighbour called her repeatedly throughout the day.

I think it depends on the time period between missed calls and the urgency of the situation. I don't think that there is a blanket rule here.

Completely depends on the situation / nature of the call

If I was ringing someone for a chat I would message them first.

@RampantIvy my mum does this - she texts me "are you in if I ring".
It's almost like a code.
If she just rang repeatedly or texted "call me" I would know it's something very important not just a chat call.

I'd agree. If they don't pick up once it could be a poor connection or they are away from their phone or busy. Twice and they don't pick up- leave it and send a message, unless it's urgent. Then they might phone you back seeing the missed calls or respond via text or arrange a call another time.

If someone rang more than once I quick succession I'd assume it was urgent.

I ignore my phone ringing (on silent) if I don't know the number or if I'm too busy to chat. Basically the only number I am guaranteed to answer is school. So if a friend or a withheld number called more than once in quick succession I'd assume there was a problem.

I would be pissed if a friend did that just because she fancied a chat, she would know I'd see the call and would call back when free.

If a marketing company did it I'd be furious, they know the social norms.