I need some outside perspective as I'm not sure if this is a relationship or parenting issue, or whether AIBTA?
Advice welcome!
Maybe this sounds familiar.... ?
Basically my I've found a "way" that works with my nearly 4yo when we are one to one.
When my partner is home all hell seems to break loose and my 4yo constantly pushes boundaries, whines, tries running circles around my partner. Honestly... I've taken a step back because I found I'm always being the "bad cop", my partner is not learning what works and when I try to intervene I'm either dealing with meltdowns from 4yo or defensive huffy arguments with partner about how I'm "always shouting" or "having a go".
It is driving a huge wedge between us and I can see my 4yo is absolutely playing my partner.
Example... if partner is home lo will follow him to the kitchen and usually demand a treat or get into something he shouldn't... latest example 4yo has an egg out of the fridge and chucks it on to the carpet when him and partner get into a stand off.
Last night lo woke at 1am and played holy hell with daddy up and down, multiple demands and whining until 5am. I kept out of it hoping lo would eventually get tired and snuggle back in with me. But it reached a point where once again we were arguing in my opinion because partner won't be firm and tell him no.
It's hard because deep down I'm starting to feel my partner just allows/does anything if it makes HIS life easier, there is no consideration for anyone else.
I'm SAHM, he works (some shifts), he literally gets up at the last minute, showers, gets dressed, glides past us (me and 4yo) to hide in the kitchen, scroll and eat his toast then expects to breeze out the door and gets huffy if/when any of this is interrupted.
Of course 4yo wants his attention at times. I don't know how to "sell this to him" without it being me "having a go" again.
4yo is also resorting to silliness and aggression with him to get his attention...and all it ends with is everyone angry, me comforting g 4yo and partner doom scrolling in silence.