To call my friend naive and a bit daft? STD test for her son

[Mirandawrongs]

My friend has a son for who she is a carer.
he had an accident a few years ago but now he has recovered quite well and is working, socialising and being more independent again.
he is 31.

he has started dating and he seems very happy. He has been open about his accident and she is accepting and empathetic.
they’ve had the sex talk and friends son doesn’t like condoms.
girlfriend has said if they both have STD then she’ll handle birth control if everything clear. Her son was surprised but is essentially ok with it.

I think this is sensible but my friend is deeply offended on behalf of her son.
my arguments of new relationship, no one knows each other’s pasts, it’s for him as much as her etc my friend thinks I’m very unreasonable thinking this is ok!

so, AIBU?
im actually quite impressed by the gf taking such a stance!

You sound like the girlfriend writing this in disguise

Ew. She needs to get out her sons sex life.

But yes, very normal to have new partners do an STD test.

Wow, this is gross. God forbid the son or his gf find out you've posted this. It's going to be pretty obvious that it's about them if they see it

Glad it's not just me!!!

Not once in my life have I ever discussed my sex life with my parents!!!

And why his mum still a carer if the OP says he's working and socialising and independent?!

It sounds like this blokes mum was his carer after his accident and now he is better and back to being independent, she can't switch off and is still trying to control his life and be involved in every single aspect.

She needs to leave him be. He's a 31 year old man.

If this is real

Your friend's son needs a new carer

It's just weird enough that he's discussing with his mum and that she discussed with her friend. But that you're thinking so much about it that you need to post here makes me kinda suspicious to be honest

The girlfriend is the only one here who comes out of this well.

Firstly, your friend and her son shouldn't be having conversations as detailed as this about his sex life. He's 31, for Christ's sake, not 16. None of his has anything to do with his mother. He's a grown man.

I get that she is his carer, but presumably that's because he is physically disabled, not because he lacks mental capacity. He's working, dating, socialising etc independently and it's beyond bloody weird that he's chatting with his mother about when he's planning to start fucking his new girlfriend and whether he likes using condoms or not.

Secondly, you should be shutting down conversations your friend has with you about her son's sex life because it's massively inappropriate for her to be sharing this stuff about him with you. Just because she's his carer, that doesn't mean he's a child. He's entitled to privacy and dignity as a grown man.

Honestly, if I were the girlfriend I'd be running a fucking mile from this man and his mother. If I was dating someone who was having chats about this stuff with his mother, and whose mother was expressing an opinion about it and shooting her mouth off to her friends, I'd see that as a giant red flag.

If it were my son I'd be telling him his preference is neither here nor there - unless he wants to be a father, he uses condoms.

You can't tell your adult kids what to do with their genitals, ffs.

What are you going to do, stand over a man in his 30s each time he wants to fuck someone and supervise while he puts it on? I suppose you could ground him or take away his pocket money if he doesn't.

Yeah this is making me a bit queasy. He's 31!!! Not 15!

Way way way too much info spreading all round.