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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or Ia he rude?

38 replies

polkadotmonstera · 23/01/2025 08:43

AIBU or Is he Rude?

Boyfriend of 3 months. Both of us late 40's. He planned a day with his friends and me so we all could meet, I was very happy about it.

We went to a coffee shop where a coworker of him was there having a coffee too ( she is female). He spent 30 min talking to her, leaving me seating with his friends who I didn't know them and they are not very talkative. Not just that, he paid this woman's breakfast and Intrpduce me to her as his friend. I felt very uncomfortable sitting with strange people ( they are nice but dont talk much) and he being so long talking to her... since then I wonder if he is interested on her and if I should break up before I have more feelings for him.

OP posts:
Queenofthejabs · 28/01/2025 11:47

His friends were probably quiet due to embarassment at the way he was treating you and the fact you sat there and took it. And that they had to sit with you as it went on. It would make most people embarrassed and awkward.

id end it, he’s not that into you, I’m sorry.

Queenofthejabs · 28/01/2025 11:48

BettyBardMacDonald · 28/01/2025 00:03

I introduce my SO as my friend and we've been together years. Acquaintances don't need the details of our relationship.

The other behaviour is very rude, though.

You tell people you’re just mates? Why?

Scentsitive · 28/01/2025 11:48

Bin him.

Curtainqueen · 28/01/2025 11:51

If he introduced you as his friend it means he didn't want the other woman to know he had a girlfriend. Ask yourself why might that be.

Snowmanscarf · 28/01/2025 11:53

Being introduced you as ‘his friend’ tells you everything.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 28/01/2025 11:59

He was rude to you, rude to his friends, and rude to the lady who might have wanted to join in the general conversation and not be the subject of 30 minutes of his undivided attention.

Do you want to date a rude, inconsiderate person?

Gggglinda · 28/01/2025 12:01

Yes he was rude. I would've asked his friends if he's always like that with her and why he bothered inviting me and seen what they said tbh. Sounds like he's her work husband kind of friend. I couldn't be arsed with that. I wouldn't contact him again, but that's just me.

peachystormy · 28/01/2025 12:22

DaringLion · 23/01/2025 09:29

Think I would of got up and left

me too

polkadotmonstera · 29/01/2025 13:18

He is usually very polite and nice except that day.

OP posts:
DaisysChains · 29/01/2025 16:47

People aren’t cartoon villains who are 100% evil 100% of the time, or 100% nice either, people are complex mixtures

they might be charm personified on 364 days but that doesn’t excuse the one day they kill someone

and maybe someone you have down as an asshole from that one time you met them might have been having to deal with their house burning down or their dog died that day and could be normally very lovely

what you do know is:

he avoided being clear about your relationship downgrading it from gf/bf to ‘f’ in introduction to another woman

he left you with people you didn’t know well and ignored you in favour of that other woman for half an hour

you felt unable to speak up to ask what was happening or express your discomfort at the time

you felt unsure if it was his (rude) behaviour or if you were (not at all) over sensitive

when checking out with others who confirmed his behaviour was rude - you felt you had to defend him

So given what you do know then:

I suggest it doesn’t matter if this is a lovely guy having an off day of rudeness

if you are not confident to question off behaviour with him

and are inclined to brush off suggestions that his behaviour was indeed objectively rude

and yet also feel demoralised by his behaviour

then the relationship (or ‘friend’ship according to him) is not good for you

you could be single and grow your confidence to speak up for yourself

and date a man that is more than happy/proud to acknowledge your bf/gf relationship

and reduce your chances of feeling like shit bc of someone else’s rude behaviour

tldr - you don’t have to put up with rude and dismissive behaviour you have many many choices beyond sticking with this guy

polkadotmonstera · 04/02/2025 11:12

I broke up with him, I feel very sad but I think it's for the best.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 04/02/2025 11:50

Not sad at all! Very, very, intelligent of you. I really think you have done the right thing and saved yourself hours—and even years!—of humiliation and covert abuse. If you feel wobbly reread @DaisysChains very good analysis up above.

optimistic47 · 24/02/2025 23:13

I had a slightly similar experience with a man's behaviour (only there was no romantic element to it). I returned to a former workplace to attend to business (someone hired space for me as a committee member). Male ex coworker gate crashed a coffee morning i attended. Ignored me and female former coworker, came in the room several times to talk to his male friend about business. I didn't leave. just remained cool, calm and collected and focused on the woman. Two months previously he put nice words in my leaving card, but I was very hurt this was my last meeting with him after working with him for almost a year.

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