To take a job where I'm away 2/3 nights a week?

[BackoffSusan]

Exactly that. I've been a SAHM for 4 years with some part time freelance work on and off. Now my son is in school (he's 4) would I be mad to take a full time job which is 3 days in the office, 2 days at home? I'd be away 2/3 nights a week. They seem keen and I felt fine about it when I applied. DH is supportive. But I've felt judgment from family and friends.
I hate being a woman. So much judgement for being a SAHM and now I'm trying to find work again, it's just as bad. I can't win. I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid if it was a man. It's also not just a job. It's a career and one that I did and loved for 12 years before DS arrived.

Well, no one blinks twice at dad's being away that long, or longer, on a regular basis - so there'd be no judgement from me at all.

The only consideration for me would be whether (1) I personally was content being away for work 2/3 nights a week and (2) whether my child would be negatively impacted by a parent (either) being away 2/3 nights a week.

I suppose given than its stepping away from SAHMing, you could give it a go! If you were planning on quitting a local 9-5er for it, then it's a longer decision process. But what's the worst that happens? You find you don't enjoy the set up so go back to SAHMing for a bit while you look for something local.

Oh, sorry, posted as I was thinking over my final thought.

When dh and I married and planned for a family, I did so on the basis he would be a local worker and be home in the evenings/weekends etc. So for us personally (not saying it applies to you), one of us taking a working away job would go against what we planned.

So there is that aspect to consider - if the family was planned with the understanding that working away regularly / joining the army / taking a temp role abroad etc was not on the card with young kids, it could prove a challenge for the marriage.

Neither of us would accept a job like this. We also wouldn’t work away for weeks or take a job with lots of travel commitments. It doesn’t work for us as a family.

You and your husband feel this does work for your family. No reason not to do it when that’s the case. Let other people do what works for their family and you do what works for yours.

Go for it if it seems right for you and your family.

your DH is supportive and it sounds like you want to do it - so go for it.

don’t waste your life by making decisions based on others opinions.

think about being a Sahm -

some will judge you as being a perfect ‘as it should be ‘ wife and mother

some will judge you as being lazy

some will judge you as being work shy

some will judge you as being a failure to feminism for not having a paid job

some will admire you

some will look down on you

etc etc etc

the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about yourself and your life.

you can and never will please everyone and all these people busy judging you - what are they adding to your life?

do what’s right for you and your family and ignore what ‘everyone else’ thinks - because frankly - they really don’t matter at all.

When you say nights do you mean overnight or missing bedtime?

I went from SAHM to the latter 5 days a week. I think either way you will have mum guilt from yourself but I promise you it gets better. He is off having his own bubble at school so it’s a similar thing.

You will learn to appreciate the commute too as a bit of you time! Listening to what you want with no one asking for anything. And obviously the huge bonus of a career.

What other people think is irrelevant and plenty of people work away from home when they have kids. Just take care not to be too hard on yourself. It will feel tough and your nerves are naturally but it will become the norm.

Noyou wouldn't be nad, if your husband is supportive and an equal hands on parent.

I say that as someone who always worked but changed job when my youngest went to the school nursery to one where I travel a bit (not as much as that and mainly for one or two nights at a time) and where my husband does the same. It hasn't impacted the kids as he is an equal parent and they have always been fine being looked after by him so me not being there sometimes hasn't impacted. In a way it is easier when it's the same days every week as they can understand the routine

It might get tricky when your child is older unless your husband has flexible work from home, if they want to do lots of different after school activities. We are finding that getting them to ans from activities that start around 4.30 or 5 because they are young, is tricky to balance with working

Remember it's not for ever. If you can do something for a year it might (dependent on industry) lead to other things with less travel in the future...or even if you hate it and quit, you're no worse off than you are now.