Wedding gift money

[Beansprout4328]

We have got 4 weddings over the next 18 months. 2 are siblings and 2 are friends. I am a bridesmaid at one of the friends wedding.
3 of the weddings are quite low key (no sit down meal, just buffet sort of thing) and the one where I am a bridesmaid is costing thousands.

Money is tight so I am trying to plan ahead and get saving. I can wear the same dress to the low key weddings and obviously got the bridesmaid dress paid for me. The bridesmaid wedding is going to cost more with the hen do, shoes etc.

I was talking to DH about wedding gift money and how much to set aside. He thinks we should pay more of a gift to the bridesmaid wedding because I'm playing a bigger role and it's costing them more per person.
I haven't been to a wedding since my own so I really don't know much much money is acceptable as a gift and if DHs logic is correct. I was thinking £50-75 for each wedding but now I'm not sure!

Without sounding mercenary do you have the price or ballpark figure of your bridesmaids dress? Plus I'm assuming she's paying for your hair done, possibly make up too? As a bridesmaid it's pretty standard to receive a small gift as well (not always, but it's pretty common). So I'd definitely say I'd gift more money wise, or it might look a bit tight.

I’m not in the UK but the cheaper buffet low key wedding - you could even get a gift

the bridesmaid wedding I would say minimum 150

Also are you getting to keep the dress, or giving it back to her afterwards? If you're keeping it and say it's a £200 dress. You can always sell it on so you'd basically be getting back a bit from the extra you spent on the hen as well.

Bridesmaid dresses are being paid for (they were about £50ish if that matters). But I am paying for make up, nails, shoes, hair etc. Also paying for the hotel room due to the distance.

That's bad form. I paid for my bridesmaid's hair, makeup and accommodation. She didn't need a dress as she wore one she had already and I loved. But yes, generally you'd give a good gift as a bridesmaid, even though you'll probably get a gift too.

Hmmm.. that changes things. You are out a lot of money there

I would give more to siblings because I love them more than my friends.

I don’t agree with the cash gift being representative of the cost of the wedding; just send me an invoice if that’s your expectation.

I also wouldn’t wear the same dress to two of my siblings’ weddings. Being low key doesn’t make it any less special for them. You sound overawed by your friend’s expensive wedding (which isn’t that expensive with £50 dresses and paying for your own hair and make up).

£50 is plenty. They'll be taking in a small fortune from everyone.

Should have said, one is my sibling and other is my DH so there isn't any cross over with guests. I also loathe buying a dress for one use.
I'm looking forward to the low key weddings the most. My own wedding was really low key and chilled. It isnt a question of paying less because its a cheaper wedding. It's more that I'm a bridesmaid at the friends one.
The bridesmaid wedding is 150pp for food alone with over 100 guests. Probably why the dresses aren't too expensive.

You're shelling out a lot for the cost of the bridesmaid wedding yourself. I think that lowers the gift I'd give.

I would give £100 to the bridesmaid wedding.

£100 to siblings as they are siblings. Or £75 and a sentimental gift.

Friends £100 if all out wedding, free bar etc
£50 friends low key wedding

All depends on your income as well.

£100 - £150from us as a couple to close friends and family eg sisters and best friends

probs for £80 for everyone else or something like that

I’d give more to siblings than friends.

I also wouldn’t wear the same dress to two of my siblings’ weddings
Why not? And why would that make it less special for the couple. Would someone really take offence if their sister wore the same dress to their wedding and their joint brother's? It wouldn't cross my mind that would bother anyone in the least.

Friends £100 if all out wedding, free bar etc
£50 friends low key wedding
Hate this transactional approach. I give varying amounts to people as wedding presents based on my closeness to them, not how much they've chosen to spend themselves.

I would give more to siblings.
i would not link the size of the gift to the expense of the wedding.

More to siblings than friends as they are family

Hate the transactional method of "paying for your plate". No, if that's what you want then tell me how much as part of the invite.

I also wouldn't wear the same dress to the two family weddings. Use Vinted or hit some sales to get two different ones.

Do you even want that stuff? Like do you value it enough to pay for it? If not, just don't, or at least cut back.

Your nails won't be in pictures. You cam do a decent job the night before which will last for the day.

Shoes from vinted. Plenty of new and never worn for literally just a few quid.

You'll look beautiful in your own hair and makeup but by all means treat yourself if you want. Just be aware that if the MUA is doing the bride and whole hen party you may not get what you'd get in a salon as bride will be prioritised.