To want to acknowledge mum's birthday?

[tangerinecats]

Hi everyone. My mum died in July after a long illness. It's been hard but we're all taking things day by day.

It would have been her 65th birthday in the middle of February. I'm wondering whether I should do something for my dad to acknowledge it, like a small gift or card or a bunch of her favourite flowers.

Dad is a practical man, not overly sentimental about stuff, but soppy about family through a stiff upper lip.

I don't want to upset him but also feels weird not to acknowledge her birthday in some way with him.

For those who have negotiated this milestone, what did you do?

Dinner out / cook dinner? Not for her birthday exactly, but so yous arent alone.
By doing that, yiu acknowledge the birthday without being sentimental

Would your dad enjoy a walk and lunch somewhere your mum loved? Flowers are lovely too.

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I think everyone is different with stuff like this. It would have been my dads birthday a few weeks ago, my mum wanted us to have a day out. I would have preferred to just be alone but I go along with it for her.

Honestly, I think the best thing to do would be to ask your dad.

I won't say it gets easier, but the "firsts" of everything are definitely the hardest to navigate.

Hi. I'm so sorry you lost your mum. I don't have any practical advice but I think acknowledging it somehow seems like a good idea and gives both you and your dad an intro to talk about it if either of you want to. I really like the idea of getting her favourite flowers.

Could you ask him? Just say that you are not sure what he would like?

I would say at least to send a card, and offer to go round. Maybe make the plan fairly low key so it he isn't feeling it he can cancel?

Is there somewhere they used to like to spend time together? Maybe a walk somewhere that has happy memories.

Or maybe he will want a distraction.

Everyone is so different and can feel different day to day too

Ps he's going to be thinking about her either way that day, so you acknowledging it is unlikely to upset him

My mum died nearly 20 years ago and we still go out for a meal as a family for her birthday. It started as something really hard but it became much easier and it feels good to have a focus each year on remembering her. You do whatever feels right for you and your dad, don’t worry about whether it is ok to do or not.
Sorry for the loss of your mum, it is hard.

A walk and lunch out would be nice , just getting together and remembering her will be good for you both , not that you’re going to forget her anytime soon

It should have been my mums 85th in February, but she died at 61 ( younger than I am now ) I usually go for lunch with my sister

I will buy myself a nice bunch of flowers

My dad passed just before his 65th and I took my mum out to Dads favourite restaurant. Although it was difficult we were doing something we'd have done if he was still here.

Thanks everyone. We have a family get together soon anyway, so we'll be together then. He lives about 4 hours away, and her birthday is midweek, so won't be able to be with him on the actual day.

I am leaning towards her favourite flowers and a simple card.

I’d definitely talk to him. He’s bound to be thinking about it. Doesn’t have to be a difficult conversation - simply “hi dad, I’ve been thinking about how to remember mum’s birthday. Have you had any ideas yourself?”

And then regardless I think sending him cards and cheerful flowers is a possibility - maybe a bowl of spring bulbs?

Be wary of bouquets - I know my mum found that cut flowers reminded her of my dad’s funeral and all the beautiful flowers people sent. It made her very weepy.

@tangerinecats So sorry for your loss 💐
I think flowers and a nice card sounds lovely, especially since you can be together on the day. Just to let him know you’re thinking of him as well as her. Although I’m sure he knows that already 😌

I always see my dad on my mums birthday and anniversary

sorry for your loss

Light a candle and cook/go out for a special meal. That's what I do mums birthday. Raise a glass to her 🫂💐🙏

I would buy her favourite flowers. My mum died over 6 years ago and even now when i buy daffodils I get 2 bunches, one for me one for mum. She loved daffodils and springtime. Go out for a meal with your Dad and have a toast to your Mum

We get together for a meal, a trip to the cemetery and we talk about them, remember stories, cry and just support each other to get through the day.
Everyone has their own ways of doing it, you’ll find yours. Sending you strength. It sucks no matter how many times you do it.