Feeling pressure to let my dc go out alone to play

[ItsLateItsDark]

My ds is 8 and most of his friends are allowed to the park by themselves. He's started asking if he can go and I'm feeling like I should let him.

To me 8 is too young to go out alone. If it wasn't for his friends already going out I would happily leave it till he's about 10.

Aibu not to let him out or unreasonable to feel pressured to let him go?

You have to go with what is right for your child and the overall situation. I guess that's why there's no definitive on this.

Of COURSE like many UK 80s kids I was miles away from home at 8, on my bike, with friends, and home for tea at an agreed time mostly judged by the sun. But that doesn't mean all 8 year olds everywhere now and throughout history should be the same.

We have allowed our DS to go out with his friends since he turned 9, with clear boundaries on how far he is allowed to go.

He has a KidsNav watch which allows us to call and text him and it has a basic GPS tracker.

Agree that it all depends on where you live and distances, and how sensible your DC is.

What is all this reference to us playing out...

All I remember of millennial youth is being told how protective parents were now, how the previous generations were out until dusk. Certainly weren't playing out aged 8!

It depends where you live, how reliable your DS is, where the park is in relation to your house….

It depends on the park, how far it is, the safety of the route there, and the child. Not to mention time of day and duration. Mine have a radius depending on age - I'm fully ok allowing an 8 year old out of sight but there are limits - specific roads they can't cross, a radius that will make them easy to find, when they have to be back, the info they have to give one of us in advance, the expectation that they stay with an established friend, and a rule that they can't go into someone's house or otherwise be impossible for us to find while driving up the street unless they tell us in person or via phone. It's gradually loosened as they mature and show good decision making. There are two nearby parks/play areas to us and one is off limits without a teen or adult because it's on the other side of a busier road and larger, but the other is ok.

Our present media climate disguises it but violent crime rates are far below where they were in the mid-90s and the options for keeping in contact are far more plentiful. I try hard to keep that in perspective and look at the specifics of the ask/situation rather than thinking "the world is just more dangerous now, they can't do what we did."

It depends on where you live. Where I am, 8 year olds play out, go to the park etc. Mine does, he has set boundaries and has to be home by certain times, but he is allowed to play out with his friends unsupervised.

He walks to school (15 min walk) with friends but no parents. I live in the middle of nowhere though. Traffic isn't a concern, we know our neighbours, and there is a culture of kids playing out. We are very lucky that we can allow this - in spring and summer playing out is like his job - he wakes up, has breakfast and gets to it!

@GravyBoatWars I agree. Keeping kids indoors, where the invariably drift to a screen, seems so much more dangerous to me than the dangers inherent in walking to the park alone.

I was 8 30 years ago and did go to the park with friends completely out of sight of all parents. I'm thinking it was more a class thing back then. Not sure it's the same now. I think we are all just so aware nowadays of all the weirdos out there that it's a much scarier world now than back then

I think 8 is too young, unless the park is opposite your house and you can see it from the window

To me this is a clear cut no way at that age.

I have no objection whatsoever to my child being outdoors, nor would I let her be unsupervised indoors in a big shopping mall or the like. We have a decent sized garden and the children are in it almost daily. I go with my 8 year old to the park after school several days a week in decent weather, with her friends and their parents. Or she has a friend or two come over to play here, which generally doesn’t involve screens. Or she play with her toys, or we’ll go swimming as a family or out on bikes or many other things that aren’t just her sitting by herself on a screen.

It’s not a binary choice between couch potato and unsupervised in the park.

I live in a village and the park is one street away, no roads to cross, and I have 2 friends who live within sight of the park that can curtain twitch to keep an eye on him or he could run to if there was a problem. My sister lives in London and there is no chance whatsoever that I would let my child go to the park by himself or with his friends if we lived there.

My 8 is not allowed to do this. My 10 yo was allowed. Tried it a few times and every time ended in arguments so it's not allowed again now until he's a bit more mature and can cope with no adult supervision better.

I suppose it depends on where you live to an extent but I think it's far too young.

I agree with you. Don't give in to the pressure. Go with your gut feeling.

Completely normal for kids to go out to play where I live from about age 7/8

with my eldest we were of course nervous to begin with but it’s an important part of childhood IMO and not something I wanted my kids to miss out on.

i appreciate that in some parts of England the culture is very different (I’m in Scotland) but if it’s the norm where you live you should really consider the implications of placing these restrictions on your child.

I’m one of the most laid back parents I know but I wouldn’t let my 8yo DS go to the park without an adult.

Too young.

You need to teach him that it’s fine to resist peer pressure.

I think it depends on where you live, and I think kids love being able to play outside with other children, unsupervised, and that it is good for them. This may not be possible where you live, it wasn't possible for me as a child, but my children can and it is entirely beneficial.

We also do tons of organised family stuff - days out, hiking, bike rides, swimming, beaches, visiting family, meals out - the usual stuff. But it is really beneficial for the whole family for the kids to be able to go out and play with other kids, without adult intervention.

I get it if you can't do this though, I was a city kid and had a very different childhood to the one my kids have. Not worse, just different