To not want a first date to be a meal

[Moonpigdotcommmm]

I have recently got talking to a guy I knew 10 years ago met him once through friends. Now talking Via Facebook.
I'm not too sure yet how I feel or whatever. But he's just asked me if I fancy going out for a meal and I now don't know how to reply. Whenever someone wants to go for a meal when we are basically strangers I clam up. Its so awkward for me until I know someone. Like talking. Chewing. Looking at one another. Dressing up. Looking like a couple. Walking Into a busy place to sit for ages. It just gives me the most uncomfortable feelings. But I don't know how to say to him I'd rather not do that for a first date.
Or is this the only option for a date. Eating and a drink?

A coffee is a good first date, if you like them stay out longer

You don’t seem like you are in the right head space to date at the moment

Aside from your ex partner, do you have issues with food/ disordered eating

Yes but the point was you didn't suggest anything else you just said no to him. That's off-putting. You should have suggested an alternative.

Suggest something else.

My son has just been taken on a first date to a museum (her suggestion).

No as written above i stuff my face at work with various members of staff and residents. I'm not shy about food.

So you said no to the meal but didn't suggest an alternative? You might want to offer the guy a suggestion OP. If someone shot down my offer of a date without countering it with something else. I'd just assume they weren't interested.

I have said to him I'll think of something we could go do. To me I'd like to go on a day out somewhere like a zoo or a seaside/ day out somewhere else.. A very brief walk and meet up before we did that. I dont know. Maybe that's not normal.

Ugh how rude. Could well be that. Its them awkward moments when someone looks at you and asks you a question just as you put food in your mouth and then they know they have to look away and let you finish. But that's fine when they are a close person isn't it. Some people are just rude though and he sounds like a charmer lol

Fine to say you'd prefer to do something else, and I understand your reasons, but are you sure about those examples early on? A day out (particularly zoo if you've paid entry) is usually stuck together for longer than a meal, and realistically if you are there for more than a couple of hours, food or at least drink and snack will still end up featuring. A coffee or a drink, or a short local walk would be less intense than a 'day out'.

I would pick an activity that's 1-2 hours so it's not too long incase you don't click. A walk is great but weather dependent. You could do an activity like bowling, mini golf, museum.

Thinking back all of my first dates have been drinks or a meal .

What about a walk? It can be good for a first date as you’re side by side so less intense and easier to chat. Also you’ve got the distraction of the scenery / talking about the surroundings if the talk dries up. Do make sure you actually want to go though.

What about going for drinks at a nice bar somewhere?

It’s perfectly normal and I think the most common approach for a first date these days. You need to suggest an alternative, he had an idea, you prefer something else so suggest you go for a walk in the local park or something. It’s completely fine, don’t overthink it, but it would be rude to not suggest an alternative if you want to meet up.

Totally understandable, I was the same when dating. I always just said "let's keep the first date casual and have a coffee/drink if you don't mind" and nobody was ever offended.

A day trip or zoo visit also sounds too full on for my liking but if that's what you fancy, suggest it!