To tell him I don’t want to meet his parents until he considers me his girlfriend?

[Tinyterrapins]

Perhaps I’m being very immature.

We’ve been dating since Oct. We work near one another which means we see each other almost daily. We’ve talked about the future quite a lot. I’ve met most of his friends. It feels very much like a relationship. Although it’s been a short span of time, we’ve spent a lot of hours together in that time.

However, I’ve only ever heard him refer to me as “the person i’m seeing” or “the woman I’m dating”.

I was shocked last weekend when he introduced me to someone as his friend.

I’m supposed to go to his mum’s 70th in a couple of weeks. I’ve never met any of his family.

While i’m pleased to be asked, I can’t help but feel a bit like accompanying him to a family event is a girlfriend job, and not for someone he’s just “seeing”.

Granted I’ve had a stressful day at work so I’m a bit grumpy today anyway, but I spent my lunch break unsuccessfully trying to find something to wear for the dinner, and it just dawned on me that it’s feeling like a lot of stress and effort, for someone who doesn’t even consider me his girlfriend.

We’re both in our mid 40s so perhaps people don’t use that word so much, but he refers to his exes as he “ex-girlfriend(s)” all the time!

I'm in my 40s and the idea of calling someone my boyfriend sounds ridiculous to me now. Whether I'm wrong or not - it's just a term I associate with people younger than 30. Not for the middle aged.

As you've only been seeing each other a few months and you haven't yet met the family - 'partner' probably feels too much too soon.

So I guess I can understand why he's struggling to find the right words.

Maybe after meeting the family he'll feel more comfortable using the term partner - perhaps before that point it feels a bit presumptuous?

Because ‘girlfriend’ feels like a word for teens and 20s and ‘partner’ or ‘other half’ sounds like you’re living together - there’s isn’t really an obvious title for someone you’ve been seeing for a couple of months when you’re slightly older. I don’t think this should be seen as a negative particularly.

Can't you just speak to him?

Ask him how he sees your relationship because you thought was going well but he introduced you to so-and-so as simply a 'friend' and another 'the person I'm seeing'.

You don't have to go full strop and say you're not going as it's a girlfriend job, but you wouldn't be unreasonable to check in on how he feels about relationship and let him know that you find him being dismissive of your relationship to others hurts you. Could be he feels awkward with a girlfriend in his 40s and you decide a name for it you're both happier with.

@Mydahliasareshit I love the fact that he is now Crispin in my mind.

Poor old Crisp, he just doesn’t have the words. But it is a MASSIVE symbol of how he feels to take you to this event after less than six months of dating.

Hmm, I dunno. I agree that over a certain age girl/boyfriend sounds a bit twee, but it could also be a sign he's a little hesitant about the relationship. What does your gut tell you? Do you think he is really into you? Be honest with yourself.

We definitely need a new word for it.

i feel icky referring to my “boyfriend” in my 40s but he’s not my partner yet and is more than someone I’m “just” dating or seeing.

I suppose referring to you as his girlfriend to others may feel a bit childish and referring to you as his partner kind of implies that you have been in a long term relationship so I not sure what the proper title would be as I’m not in a similar situation,

Ask him if he thinks people of your age sound silly talking about 'girlfriends' or 'boyfriends' when referring to the people there going steady with.

If he says yes I hate that, then you know.

If he says no it's fine you can ask why he won't call you his girlfriend and where he sees the relationship going as you thought being exclusive per the previous convo with him meant you were in fact his girlfriend.

I'm surprised about the boyfriend/girlfriend lingo. I'm 35 and call my boyfriend my boyfriend, he's 10 years older and refers to me as his girlfriend.

I loathe "other half" and "partner" seems a bit too much when we've only been together a few months - i can't really think of better terminology than boyfriend/girlfriend 🤷‍♀️

@Greyish2025 - hopefully this is helpful: there is no need to quote the opening post before writing your comment. Everyone assumes you are replying to the OP. Imagine how long the thread would be if everyone quoted the op before replying? I've noticed that you've done this on several threads today.

You're fine with "icky" though. OK.

Yeah I don’t know if it’s because I’m a millennial, albeit an older one but it’s considered normal terminology for me and my friends (late 30s)

I can’t stand other half and will never ever use it even I get married 😂

what?

We got together when I was early thirties and married when I was forty. Never used boyfriend / girlfriend, we just used each other's names.

Everyone knows what it means when you start to turn up to family events.

What mattered to me were the things you describe, having the exclusivity talk reasonably early on and treating each other well. I don't think he has done anything g wrong.

Wanting to be called a girlfriend is certainly not a hill on which I would die.

Since October is not a long time. I have condiments older than your relationship. This is very early on and it sounds like you take your relationship more seriously than he does. "The woman I'm seeing" sounds casual.

See what happens at his mom's birthday party. I do think cancelling going over a label is a bit rude unless you guys have a discussion and you're not on the same page.

I would ask him straight out why he introduced you as his friend. If you're sleeping together, you're obviously not just a friend!

Yeah I can’t get my head around that. I have had single male friends who have introduced me as a friend to colleagues and family when we were younger because I was literally just that - their purely platonic female friend (yes it exists and we’ve been friends for decades now in some instances without either of us making a move! )

I wonder now if any of their friends and family thought “friend” was code for something else 😵‍💫😂if that’s what people are calling friends lol

It’s too early to be forcing a relationship.

Crispin 😂

I would ask him, dies he consider you as a friend, girlfriend, special friend, companion, partner.
Because meeting his parent's is quite a biggy, & "friend" doesn't seem adequate.

How can you have been dating for a long time (since a month into meeting) when you said you only met in October? So the absolute maximum amount of time you've been dating is 3 months! That's not a long time OP....

Also, he wants to introduce you to his family. Surely they know who you are (or will do once you're introduced) and will know your his significant other?! I don't think you need an official title?!

I always felt really awkward calling DH my boyfriend before we got married. I sometimes said partner but usually just said this is "John". Nothing sounds quite right when you're dating past your 30s!

I dated a guy like this and I assumed as we were clearly in an exclusive relationship that the terminology wasn't important. He confirmed we were exclusive. It was a shock to find 1 year down the line that he still considered me "a friend" and not a girlfriend or partner. He said that was an obligation he wasn't ready for. He never got readier.

I'd at least discuss it.

This. Was so relieved once we got married and didn't have to think about it anymore😂

similar age and whilst I struggle with the term boyfriend / girlfriend because it seems too young, I don't really know what else to use! The first time I said something to the my BF about being his girlfriend (I think it was in context of meeting his DD) he went "ooh are you my girlfriend?" and then agreed that he didn't know what else I was if I wasn't!! Partner doesn't seem right as we don't live together or share finances or anything like that.

I don’t think girlfriend/boyfriend status is ‘teenagery’ at all. I think it’s entirely reasonable to want that. I agree, if I’d been introduced as his friend I would act accordingly. Friends don’t sleep together, generally. He sounds like he’s being a knob but he might just be being thoughtless and a bit of a twit about it. I think you should talk to him about how you feel about it all. If you can’t then it’s not worth continuing, is it?