School calls about good behaviour?

[lavendarer]

Not sure what my opinion is on this.
Was chatting to a friend, she said she'd had a call about her child having good behaviour. She said she dreaded it when she saw the phone calling as it's usually something about bad behaviour.
So obviously I think it's good that they are also actively recognising good behaviour for this child to hopefully encourage them.

But this is where I think those kids who are generally always well behaved never get that recognition.
I've never had a call about my DC concerning bad behaviour, but also never good behaviour. I think kids who are well behaved should get some of this recognition?
Am i just being precious?

No you’re 100% correct.

my DD15 has had (putting it politely) a rocky relationship with school. She has set the bar fairly low in previous school years, so this year I’ve been inundated with calls, texts and postcards from the school about her good behaviour.

My DD12 has always been bright, hardworking and tows the line in all scenarios…never had any positive recognition for her outside of the usual school reports

Honestly, I'd be glad that it wasn't a special event when my child behaved. It should be the norm. Even when a child has SEN there are appropriate expectations of how they behave, which may be adapted slightly for their situation.

As a teacher I've never heard of schools calling for good behaviour, it's always acknowledged in PT meetings. There aren't enough hours in the day following up with ringing home about students who are struggling never mind those who are doing just fine. I think it's madness to be honest. At the very least I expect kids to behave but I'd always acknowledge it in class, in person with them.

Edited just to add as well; It's getting insane the expectations thrown at staff now. I love teaching, it's what I was always meant to do. But some days it's like floating in an ocean trying to keep everything afloat with two hands. If your child is doing well, that's good trust me. You don't need and they don't need a phone call home.

In the nicest possible way? Yes you are.

Based on your feedback so far (parents' evenings etc) how do you think your child behaved today?

I assume that you have no worries on that front.

Now imagine that you are regularly contacted by school re: your child's behaviour. If you were asked the same question, you would have a different answer.

This positive call home will be part of school working with parents to encourage positive behaviour.

The teachers really can't call every parent. You will get feedback at set times (parents eve etc), maybe through informal chats and comments at the school gates or through Seesaw / Tapestry, through 'star of the week' certificates etc. What is more important is that children also get the feedback- including the smiles and gestures confirming they are doing the right thing. You can also reinforce this by positive feedback for your child for the work they are doing etc.

FWIW I have never had calls home with regards to my childrens' behaviour but the feedback we have had (reports, parent's evening, rewards in high school) has always been positive.

In general I think there's an issue with well behaved kids going under the radar.

But in this example I can see the logic as it supports the parent to encourage the good behaviour - i.e. your friend could reward their child at home for their good behaviour at school, to give further positive reinforcement, in a way that you wouldn't do for yours as you're not managing their behaviour in the same way.

To me it reads more like the school is trying hard to work with the parents to sort out poor behaviour.

I see no reason why children should get special recognition for things they find easy!

Just be very, very grateful your child behaves well and keeps their head down. The outcomes for the ones who need constant praise and rewards are rarely great.

Also, it can be a matter of individual teaching style. Some teachers would phone home to praise but I'd say it's quite unusual just because of the sheer level of workload. It might be that your friend's child's teacher goes the extra mile rather than that your child is overlooked.

There isn't enough time to do this. We do praise postcards where I work and even writing these out on a monthly basis takes a huge amount of time. Phoning the parents where the students are struggling or where they are not attending is already a huge stretch. Adding in calls to the students who are being polite and doing their best would be impossible. They do get recognition in class, in behaviour points and in the feedback they receive daily from staff.

We are expected to do this in my school. 3 calls a week, monitored by SLT.

It's nice to leave these as my last calls of the day, so that even a call with an abusive or rude parent beforehand is somewhat mitigated by the positive experience after that.

I try to spread them out between different kids as much as possible, but I have set criteria, and those calls have to be earned.

I have had one positive call in all my now adult child's school life. I am expecting a few more for my other one, who will likely also get a few negative calls home as they're a little more... spirited...

I'd see it as good news, OP, if you haven't heard anything it's usually all peachy.

I've had several phone calls about something my children have done well, including a 100% report(they ring every parent of a child who gets one).
The biggest trouble they've been in is late homework.

There can be an issue with well behaved kids flying under the radar with things like star of the week.

Here though I would interpret this as an update for a child who is struggling. How wonderful for the family to get a positive update. Where there are issues, ideally school and home will work together and keep each other up to date with developments. View it as a progress report rather than a call about good behaviour.

There can be an issue with well behaved kids flying under the radar with things like star of the week.

Here though I would interpret this as an update for a child who is struggling. How wonderful for the family to get a positive update. Where there are issues, ideally school and home will work together and keep each other up to date with developments. View it as a progress report rather than a call about good behaviour.

My dcs secondary school used to send postcards for good behaviour. It was lovely but it was a bit random and quite hit and miss, like the teachers did it when they had time rather than it being something that was running constantly.

Agree, surely presume they are relatively well behaved / well behaved unless you hear otherwise

Well behaved kids are always under the radar. All kids should get recognition, yanbu. Doesn’t need to be a phone call.

MN will tell you that you are lucky you don’t have a child who struggles though. Also that your child just behaves with ease, not that they are exhibiting voluntary control.

I've not had a phone call about good behaviour, but DS school gives out little certificates in assembly. Not all the time so they become meaningless, but it's a nice touch

DC's school (secondary) do work hard to promote and praise good behaviour.
Mine is one of the "good" kids and we've had a few postcards home, a couple of phone calls from different teachers and there's been reward meetings (breakfast, or afternoon cake type of thing) with the head of year/ headteacher.

My kids were always well behaved at school. I honestly wouldn't have wanted a phone call about it but they always got great school reports acknowledging their good behaviour and at parents evenings. Phone calls are awkward at the best of times, I wouldn't want a teacher calling me.

Definitely and to be fair I always praise them in class as we go along.

We did get emails about good behaviour, and of course, the parent teacher evenings, and reports. They were good students, and it was very much appreciated.

I'm sorry I don't agree. I teach and I see well behaved kids always getting praise. Maybe teachers do go out on a limb for those that struggle but I know from my own practice that a bit of kindness can change that students day. It doesn't mean I neglect students who are behaved all the time.

And in regards to the "mumsnet telling you, you are lucky to have a child that doesn't struggle" on occasion I've had parents sit down in front of me at PT meetings say "go on so, how bad are they?" And are shocked when I say positive things about their child. I'll never apologise for pushing a bit harder for those kids.

I disagree op. I think children with good behaviour should be treated as if they are doing what's expected. You don't get a sticker because you've been kind / well behaved / tried hard because it should be what you are doing and as soon as you begin rewarding those behaviours it becomes more about the reward than just the intrinsic knowledge that yes, you are doing the right thing.

I moved from a reward heavy school to a school where stickers and reward charts were banned and I thought it was nonsense until I saw it in action. In the second school children's behaviour was so much better because it was just expected and treated as the norm.

This isn't a new thing.
At my DC school those pupils that were badly behaved would be rewarded with vouchers that could be built up to buy games/CD's/DVD's if they managed to get through a class lesson with little to no distraction to other pupils.

Those DC generally well behaved got rewarded by watching badly behaved DC being given said vouchers during assembly and this was over 15 years ago.

My DD’s school had an app where good behaviour is put on there as a ‘positive’ and if you get x amount of positives you get a reward. It’s nice to see and yea hers can upload as and when they have time. I have to say I’m a busy woman and wouldn’t necessarily appreciate a non urgent phone call from school

Yes, you are.

This is a call about IMPROVED behaviour rather than good behaviour. Teachers should be able to give you feedback at pick up if you have any concerns, there's two or three parents evenings, there's other opportunities to pop in for school events when you can ask.

How often do you want to be called to be told Jessica played nicely at play time today, and ate her lunch? Can you imagine how long this would take every day?