To Visit Dog Before She Dies

[Finetoday]

Posting here for traffic as the clock is ticking.

I have a very stressful relationship with my mother. She either a Narcissist or shows lots of traits. She can be extremely hurtful to me, and more recently my SEN daughter. I am no contact since last month to protect us.
Her dog which we are very fond of is dying and is booked into vets on Friday. If she doesn’t go before then, Friday will be her last day 😭 She has messaged to tell me this, and that now is our chance to see her one last time.

Should we go ?

AIBU - Yes go, I’ll regret it otherwise.
AINBU - Don’t go, it’s too upsetting and nothing good will come from it and you’ll regret it.

Yep, go - give dog a scritch and a snuggle and then leave before your mother can really get stuck in.

Honestly i adore animals but wouldn’t go.

What happened the last time you saw the dog? Did you cuddle it? Make peace with the last time you saw the dog being the last time you will see it. Do something nice to honour the dog in your own way.

Decide if you need to be no contact or low contact, if no contact, block her number and don’t see the dog.

My mother is the same. Occasionally she’ll send a “so and so is ill” text. Literally like that. I’ve never contacted her as I know a whole load of malicious nastiness will start again.

You haven’t seen the dog in a month. Do something to remember the dog and grieve in your own way.

It’s never easy having a mother like this, best keep protecting yourself and your family.

You should go. You will regret it if you don't.

I'd go.

The other reason I'd go is that stops her from using you not going as a stick to beat you with!

AINBU - Don’t go, it’s too upsetting and nothing good will come from it and you’ll regret it.

You know this is the case, don't you, otherwise you wouldn't have had this thought. It's a very hard situation for you but pragmatically, the dog won't be aware of what's happening - it will probably sense it's dying but it won't know re the vet appointment. So in your position, I wouldn't go and thus avoid my mother being able to have a chance to have a pop at me. I hope you have photos of the dog at least.

Don't forget you're also protecting your child from her toxicity.

Go and cuddle the dog

It depends on your own relationship with the dog. If you are fond of her, then go see her for the final time. Of course, it makes no odds to the dog, but it will to you.
Personally, I would rather regret doing something, than not doing it.

Awful to say, but are you sure she's not making it up about the dog?
I'd hedge my bets and go to see the doggie but not be surprised if it's hale and hearty.

You say you're both very fond of her dog, so go and see her one last time and say goodbye. I'm sure it will cheer the poor dog up too to see you both.
I think you'll regret it if you don't.

Go. Cuddle your god. Grey rock you mother and then cut her off

That said, be prepared for more things you need to be in contact for - other ill family, dramas etc. I know its just coincidence but this seems really odd timing to me.

I thought this. I can sense a miraculous recovery.

Go, stuff your mother. It's not about either of you.

I'd be tempted to ring the vets to double check the time dog is booked in for. But I'm a terrible cynic.

Go for you and go for the dog. Once that is done you can take comfort in the fact you did what was right. How you deal with your Mother beyond that is up to you, but there won't be any stick to beat you with.

This

Better to regret doing something than regret not doing something IMO

Go. Make the dog happy one last time. You'll regret it if you don't.

Every time your mother is nasty, comfort yourself with the thought that it's metaphorically another nail in her coffin and you don't have to extend the same kindness to her when her time comes.

I love dogs. But it is just a dog, not a human. You don’t have to have an official last goodbye with some kind of eulogising speech. They won’t care or notice!

Everyone says it’s better to regret doing something that regret not doing etc etc. Quite trite and easy to say but not always true!

The only reason I would consider is your NC is quite recent so maybe not such a big deal to break at this point. On the other hand your mother will know exactly what to say to you next time…

It doesn't matter what others would do. You have to do the best for you and your daughter.

Do you want to go?

How do you know this if you're no contact.

Are you sure this isn't her trying to get you to visit.

If you want to see the dog go, but it dosnt sound like you're ready for no contact with your mother.

Going no contact is a serious decision which you would presumably not have taken without compelling reasons. If you visit your mother's home within a month of going no contact, whatever the circumstances, you will be sending her mixed messages.

I can't say for sure as I obvs don't know the full situation with your mum, but thinking about my parents' elderly dog, I think I'd have to go and see him. I'd really regret it otherwise.