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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

23 replies

Prignlesmonkey · 22/01/2025 11:48

Do you think I am being unreasonable?

My husband's parents live overseas and every summer I hate going to their house. They are ok people, but not the most friendly or interested when it comes to ask me how my job is going, or to congratulate me on my work promotion. It has always been that their kids' jobs are the best and the other two daughters in laws, talking about how rich their families are etc.

On top of this, their house is a massive dump. They have food that is past the expiry date for a good few years and even if I wanted to stock the fridge with fresh food I cannot as there is not a single space. To make things even worse, there is no shower so we need to shower outside with a hosepipe with cold water. Yes, the weather is hot outside, but having to shower every day with cold water is not ideal. We have to be around his parents 24/7 and even if we went out in the village for dinner, the parents would turn up.

If I wanted to shower my 1 year old, I would need to drag big pots around to warm up water to bathe my baby and the parents do not see anything wrong with this. Apparently this is how they raised their kids, so it's normal.

I said to my husband that I can compromise to go there in the summer, but as long as he arranges a different accommodation for us so we can stay in a hotel as I cannot keep doing it anymore. They have the problem that I am a tidy person, not OCD and they are moaning constantly that I am obsessed with cleaning etc.

OP posts:
wassailess · 22/01/2025 12:23

there is no shower so we need to shower outside with a hosepipe with cold water. Yes, the weather is hot outside, but having to shower every day with cold water is not ideal

Wtf?! Which country is this? There's no way I'd want to do this. Can't you stay home or get a hotel?

Prignlesmonkey · 22/01/2025 12:45

@wassailess
It’s in southern Europe. Husband is very keen to go to his parents house every summer and he doesn't want to miss a year where he doesn't go there. He doesn't want to go without me as apparently it’s not fair to go alone. I have suggested getting a hotel but according to him we might as well not go if it means staying in a hotel.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 22/01/2025 12:47

I wouldn't have gone more than once op, no inside hot shower? Wow.
Tell him you're going and you and dc will be in a hotel, he can stay there if he wants

Prignlesmonkey · 22/01/2025 13:10

@Shoxfordian
Sadly they do not have inside hot shower :( There is a shower in the bathroom but they are not bothered to put a boiler for hot water.

OP posts:
wassailess · 22/01/2025 13:15

Nope fuck that. I would tell him either you get a hotel airbnb, or he goes alone.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 22/01/2025 13:23

I refuse to go to my ILs now. It's boring as fuck and nothing to do. They do have indoor showers though!

We now go for a couple of days to their place and go on an actual holiday with them. I don't want to waste my annual leave sitting on their sofa.

ThisDandyLimeFawn · 22/01/2025 14:15

Did you ask your husband why he always wants to go there?
how often does he see them?
Maybe there is some emotional attachment and he wants you to share in that?
You go for dinner and they follow you like some stalkers? Thats not right.
How hot is it?
If it’s as you describe then it’s not ideal, but speak to your husband and find a middle ground. If he only gets to see them a few times a year then maybe that needs to be factored in? At the same time he needs to do as much as he can to support you.

good luck!

Ganthanga · 26/01/2025 22:48

How long are you going for? Of course he wants to see his parents and probably stay with them but the payoff has to be that you then have your own holiday as well. If it was max 1 week then I could probably suck it up but any longer - no.

Mrsgus · 26/01/2025 23:39

Southern Europe? The way you are describing it, it sounds like the outback of Timbucktoo!! They honestly shower outside using a hosepipe? Why don't they just shower in their bathroom, inside their house and with privacy whether the water is cold or not? I honestly cannot see this at all, it's really bizarre 🙄

Hayley1256 · 26/01/2025 23:43

I'd tell him to stay with his parents whilst you and your 1 year old stay in a hotel. I would not subject a child to those conditions and if he insisted I'd probably seperate from them

Hollybobs1 · 27/01/2025 00:18

No way, not with a 1 year old. The child comes first. They sound bonkers!

healthybychristmas · 27/01/2025 00:46

No way! When your husband says it's not fair, who is it not fair too?

Spirallingdownwards · 27/01/2025 01:11

Prignlesmonkey · 22/01/2025 13:10

@Shoxfordian
Sadly they do not have inside hot shower :( There is a shower in the bathroom but they are not bothered to put a boiler for hot water.

So why go outside for a cold hosepipe when you could use the cold inside shower?

flower858 · 27/01/2025 09:10

Absolutely not, I'd refuse to go

Tilly915 · 27/01/2025 09:13

So they choose to shower outside with a hosepipe instead of just having a cold shower inside? Or does the inside shower not work? Doesn't really make sense otherwise.

Noi · 27/01/2025 09:14

YABU for saying ‘I’m not OCD but..’ it’s an awful illness that takes over your life not just about being a bit tidy.

Happyfeet12345 · 27/01/2025 20:47

Honestly I could see past the outdoor shower situation, but not the rudeness. How are they with their grandchild? This would be a more important factor for me.
Every year we go wild camping with my partners family, so no showers, toilets, poor sleep etc….sometimes in the rain! Honestly I feel yucky the whole time but try to see the positives…my kids absolutely love seeing their relatives and are making lots of happy memories. I reward myself with a nice meal and spa day when I get back.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 29/01/2025 21:13

Nope absolutely not for me.... no way am I cold showering my kids. Just get an air bnb nearby or meet them somewhere else in Europe and have a proper holiday somewhere you actually want to go. I had a bit of this with my in-law and I just calmly (and non personally!) Set boundaries with my husband "I love your parents, I want to see them and here are the ways I'm happy to do that now that we have a family of our own". Don't back down, he can go alone, he can sign up to your boundaries, you aren't stopping him seeing them or saying you won't see them, you're just setting your own boundaries on behalf of yourself and your son...

Doone22 · 31/01/2025 16:28

Do 2 days on the way to a real holiday and suck it up.
Leave husband there if necessary.

spacepies · 31/01/2025 16:30

Wouldnt bother me showering out side because ive done it before and loved it.
Enjoy the whole thing as much as you can lifes short.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2025 16:35

I would not go there again after the first time if you paid me. I especially wouldn’t take a child there.

Absolutely not.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2025 16:49

I could live with the outside shower for myself but for a 1 yo, no.

I couldn’t live with the gone off food etc

VoodooRajin · 31/01/2025 16:52

Cold showers are good for you, and its not forever

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